Patreon is a creator site where lovers of the arts and supporters of creatives can subscribe and pay for a monthly reward from the creator. There are different tiers with different rewards and prices. It is a great chance to support creatives while the creatives can share something with their supporters.
I struggled for a long time about what I should offer as a reward. At first, I offered a free book, stickers, and advice on parenting, running, and writing, but since the subscriptions are monthly I didn’t think that was sustainable. I thought about when my husband asked me why I wrote, and I answered that I wanted to help people if I could whether it was through encouragement, kindness, or advice about something I had experienced. That’s when I decided to tie my awards to helping my readers.
My first tier costs $5 a month and it is called Positive Vibes. My family and friends have finally realized the power of positivity, and they know I am very adept at using it. Recently, we went to our favorite breakfast place on a Saturday, and it was packed. Everyone groaned, but I said, “No worries, we will get right in!” My husband dropped us off to park the car, I went up to the hostess stand, greeted her, told her we had four, and she said, “Oh, a table just opened up!” Now, that wouldn’t be strange except at least 10 people were in the waiting area. When my husband found us sitting at our table, he sighed and said, “Positivity wins again!”
Let me wield my magic for you by sending out positive vibes on your behalf.
The next tier is $10 and it is a chance for you to ask me questions about writing.
Are you sometimes overwhelmed by strong personalities around you? Do you find yourself becoming passive, not feeling you have a voice, or feeling invisible? You are not alone, but there are ways to take back your power without causing excessive drama.
I have two family members who have bigger-than-life personalities. They are loud, confident, and controlling. They are also somewhat self-absorbed. I often think about the Toby Kieth song where he says he loves listening to his girlfriend, but sometimes it has to be about me. We all deserve equal time to have our voices heard. My family interrupts me and tries to finish my sentences, but they rarely finish them correctly, and that can be exhausting. I have the feeling that they don’t hear me, and they would prefer if they could move on to the next topic.
If you have someone like this in your life you can just be passive and let him steamroll you, or you can set some firm boundaries. I had been passive for most of my marriage when I decided I needed to take my power back. The first time I spoke up and set a boundary my husband looked at me with surprise and said, “Oh, okay.”
You have to believe you have value. Don’t listen to the voices that have told you otherwise. You might think you are different, and you don’t fit into what our society deems acceptable. So what?! All that means to me is you are probably more interesting. Stop worrying about whether someone likes you or not. Work on liking yourself. Let the toxic people leave your life. A burden will be lifted.
I had a friend who used to say that the person who cared the least was the one who won. At first, I thought he was wrong. I care too much about everything and everyone, but what he meant was don’t care about the stuff that doesn’t matter.
People with strong personalities often act before thinking. You have to claim your space, so call them on it when they step over your line. If they talk over you, or ignore you speak up.
The final way to take your power back is to evaluate the type of person who fills you, and the kind that depletes your energy. You may have to make some hard choices then.
I have always believed that one of the best educational goals is to become a global citizen. If you can afford to travel then that is possibly the most fun way to learn about the world, but you can still become a global citizen by making a consistent effort to learn about different countries and their cultures right at home.
My daughter and I just returned from a trip to France. We took eight women on their first trip there. Two of them had never been out of the country, so it was interesting to see them experience a different culture. They all agreed on the importance of opening up our worldview to expand beyond our environment. Here are a few reasons they mentioned.
Understanding a different style of life
Different cultures have different lifestyles and priorities. There is a different pace for the way things move. In the United States, we often eat quickly because we need to get back to work, or because we are off to our next activity. In France, food is meant to be savored and eaten slowly and enjoyed with family and friends. Life moves slightly slower there.
Breaking down stereotypes
When you travel you can dispel many of the stereotypes you may have heard and you can be an ambassador who proves that the stereotypes they have for us are wrong.
Sharing perspectives
Different cultures have different perspectives on subjects than we do. They are fascinated by what happens in our country; if you take the time to talk to people, you will find a different way to perceive things.
Learning about history, art, music, and literature
Bookstores, museums, artists centers, and street musicians offer interactive learning possibilities.
Enjoying the food from a culture
Food is considered an art form in France. Each region has a specialty that has ties to history. What a great way to learn about a country!
I wanted my children to understand that different cultures may see topics differently because of their culture. I wanted to sponsor understanding and communication in my children.
Sundays in Paris happen at a slower pace than other days. If you head out around 8:30 the streets will be quiet. Head to Bo and Mie for breakfast. https://en.boetmie.com/ You can choose from the extensive choice of pastries in the case, a variety of drinks including fresh squeezed orange juice, and your choice of coffees and teas.
If you want to attend mass, find out the times for one of the many cathedrals. Head to La Bastille for a wonderful open-air market. Stroll past vendors and sample fresh fruit and cheese from vendors. Find the lady selling lambswool scarves in vibrant colors, and if you love journals like I do, stop to see the handcrafted leather journals. I bought one on our last trip and I love it. The feel of it is amazing. The market has a little bit of everything including clothing and jewelry. The market opens at ten. Here is the link for more information. https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attraction_Review-g187147-d3249136-Reviews-Bastille_Market-Paris_Ile_de_France.html
If you have worked up an appetite after the market stroll down a side street to Café des Anges for a brunch like no other. https://www.cafedesangesparis.com/en/ This is a very popular brunch spot, so make reservations. Brunch includes a burger, a vegetable salad, yogurt parfait, a cake square, scrambled eggs, orange juice, and a hot drink.
To work off your brunch, explore the area around you. Next to Le café des Anges, there is a cat café, and the side streets offer some great window shopping. Wander and you will see street musicians and have a chance to shop as stores open.
Go to Boulevard St. Michel and Rue des écoles and explore the many bookstores.
Finish your afternoon by sitting at the terrasse of a café with a coffee while you rest your feet and do some serious people-watching.
Paris is an amazing destination, but it can be even more fun if you know a few insider hints. I have been traveling to France since 1979 when I did my junior year abroad there. I became a French teacher and have been back to Paris around 25 times. Each time I go I learn something new, and many things can help someone enjoy the city more if you know them. Here are a few to help you.
The Louvre
Enter the Louvre through the metro and get off at station Palais Royale-Le Louvre(you will enter directly into the museum) and not the station that says Le Louvre( This will have you exit across the street to the Louvre) Something new though, you have to have your ticket to enter into the museum part of the Louvre, but it is easy to buy online through the Louvre at www.louvre.com or through the Paris tourist office at www.parisjetaime.com If you do not have a ticket you will have to enter through the pyramid by getting off at the Louvre metro or walking there.
There are bathrooms under both sides under the stairs. You do not have to pay to use them. If you use the bathroom in the food court you will have to pay a euro and 50 centimes.
Restaurants
The tip is included in your bill. Unfortunately, we have encountered a few waiters who have tried to take advantage of travelers by claiming the tip is not included. If the service was amazing, which it often is you can add a few euros.
The bathroom is often downstairs and sometimes the waiter will give you a coin to use it. Most of the ones we saw did not require payment. If you see an ashtray on the counter, put a few centimes in it.
Check the menu outside for prices.
Metro
The metro is moving from paper tickets to metro cards for durability. You load the card with how many tickets you need and then you can use an app to reload the card on your phone and you can also use your phone instead of the card. You can order them through www.parisjetaime.com.
I have a metro route app and it has been a game changer.
Shopping
The prices are going to depend on where you are. I love shopping in The Latin Quarter. There is a great mall at Forum les Halles and Samaritan has one store with prices outside of my budget, but if you go one block over the prices are reasonable.
Pace yourself
Don’t try to do everything at once. You won’t enjoy yourself.
Would you be surprised to know that your success is completely up to you? We often blame a lack of what we want on outside sources, but a lack of success is because we are often getting in our way, but if we follow a few strategies we can make some positive changes in our lives. Here are a few things you can do to move towards your happiness.
Change your thinking
Do you find yourself finding all the reasons why you haven’t achieved all your goals instead of believing it is possible? Do you use excuses like I don’t have the money, intelligence, contacts, or know how to make it work? Instead of finding the reasons why your dreams will never work start seeing the possibilities. Imagine having the life you have always imagined. What does that life look like? What would you have to change to make it happen? Make a plan and start kicking through some barriers.
I always tell my students that their thinking will change everything. If you think you can, you will if you think you will fail you will. A journalist was interviewing the famous French football player Killian Mbappe. He asked him if he ever worried about making a shot. Killian said he couldn’t allow himself to think that way. He always approached the goal telling himself he would make it.
Every time you imagine the barriers to your dreams, you change your thoughts to imagine yourself achieving your goals.
Control the voices
The voices in your head are even more dangerous than the other voices you hear because we are our own worst critics. Do you listen to yourself expecting to fail? Do you call yourself an idiot or say things like, “I don’t know why I thought I could do that, or I always mess things up.” Start to talk to yourself like you talk to your best friend. Be kind and supportive of yourself. When the negative voices sneak in kick them to the curb and replace them with positive statements.
Handle haters
Haters are pot stirrers. They want to create drama and tear you down. Don’t even engage with them. As a writer, I open myself to criticism every time I publish a piece. Negativity used to bother me until I wrote an article about Christmas lights and the comments ranged from racial slurs to political rants. I let my daughters read them and they both looked at me and said, “This was about Christmas lights?” After that, I didn’t pay too much attention to negative comments.
Believe
Since I fell in love with ultra-marathons I have been trying to reach the 50-mile mark. I asked my ultra mentor for advice. He gave me three pages of information to use at my next race and the end he said, “The most important piece of advice I can give you is to believe you can do it.” I know he is right because the mental strength for a challenge is even more important than preparing yourself physically. Use visualization to see yourself achieving your goals. Athletes use this technique all the time. Convince yourself that you are capable and see what happens.
Know you are worthy
Have you ever thought that you might not deserve something better? That is balderdash! You deserve happiness through achieving your goals. If you need help believing it make a list of your accomplishments and strengths.
Ask questions
Find an expert that can help you with your goals. Ask all the questions you can think of and watch the experts at work. See how they do well at what you want to achieve.
Keep growing and learning
Never feel as if you have arrived. There is always something new to learn and improvements you can make.
Use the energy around you
Everything has energy. Use nature’s energy to restore yours by feeling calm and peaceful. Always take the time to recharge.
I taught for 40 years, and every year I put my heart and my soul into my classes hoping my students would master the material. Still, about halfway through my career, I realized that there were life skills I could teach them while teaching the material and those life skills were so much more crucial than mastering my content. Here are a few of the concepts that are important to teach our children.
Positivity
At the start of every school year, I would talk to my students about the power of a positive attitude. I used a demonstration to prove my point. I would ask for a volunteer and tell the student to hold out one arm, shoulder height, and ask them to start saying, “I will hold my arm up”. I had them say it about 6 times and then I would try to pull the arm down, but the arm wouldn’t budge. Then I would tell the student to say, “I cannot hold my arm up.” I would push on the arm again and the arm always dropped. The students were always surprised and usually one or two more wanted to try. I talked to them about how our attitude influences our performance and how you should turn your words from negative to positive and see what happens.
I showed my family many years ago what you can do when you send out positive thoughts. We would pull into a restaurant where the parking lot was almost full and I would say, “We are going to get right in.” They were surprised the first few times it worked. Yesterday, we went to our favorite breakfast spot which is always busy. My husband dropped us off and parked the car. Of course, we were seated immediately. He came in and said, “Positivity wins again!”
Kindness
Everyone carries a burden of some kind and there is no way to know who is carrying a heavy one. We need more kindness to heal the hurt and it is so easy to do. It’s great if you can afford to buy someone a coffee, but simple acts can have huge impacts. These include a smile, a kind word, or listening to someone who needs to tell you his story. Our most precious gift to someone is often our time.
Resilience
Life can be tough sometimes, and recovering each time you feel knocked down can be an important life skill. A sense of humor is a great weapon when learning to be resilient.
Boundaries
I love helping people, but sometimes people take advantage of a kind nature. Teach your children to express what they are willing to do and what is beyond their comfort level. Saying no can often make a situation better if saying yes would make you feel overwhelmed and unhappy. Drawing boundaries also means letting people know your standards and how you want to be treated.
Follow your dreams
I have seen too many people who are miserable because they didn’t follow their passions. If you feel at peace doing something and it is something you can’t wait to do in the morning then that is what you should do.
Balance
Small children are fun to watch because they approach everything with so much joy. They play hard but they also value the quiet times that might be found exploring for bugs or curling up and coloring. As they grow their day can be jammed with activities, but they still need time to play. Help them figure out how to do that.
Priorities
What is important in your life? What brings you joy? We should do our best to teach our children what matters in life and guide them on how to make those things priorities.
Healthy relationships
When children are little everyone is a potential friend, but when they are older relationships become more complicated. Talk to them about the difference between a healthy and a toxic relationship.
Transparency
When you are honest with your child about your struggles you can teach him about the importance of communication and talking about what is happening in each person’s life.
Healthy habits
You are your child’s model. Show them the importance of healthy eating and exercise.
Have you ever thought something was beyond your reach? You see it as something impossible to achieve and then something shifts, and you begin to see the possibilities. What changes something from impossible to possible? Can you imagine that it is as simple as lifting the limitations you have placed on yourself?
I will always remember a woman we met at a half-marathon. She told us she had only been running for a year. She said she always saw running as something she would never be able to do. Only the super-fit did it, and it was too hard for her. Then, one day, a friend asked her to help her train for a 5k. Have you ever noticed that friends often convince us to try something that might seem like a bad idea at the time? Imagine all the adventures and stories we would miss if we said no because of fear.
The two friends started slowly, and the day came to do the race. When the lady arrived she was surprised to see that there were so many different fitness levels and she instantly noticed how welcoming the running community was. She had a great time and couldn’t wait for the next race. She found the courage to do a 10k and now she was doing a half. She told us that 5ks were a gateway drug. She lifted her limitations and now she could see all the possibilities.
I had a similar experience. I had done several marathons, but I thought that was my limit. A friend asked if I would ever do an ultra. I laughed and told him I thought anything more than 26.2 miles was beyond my reach. Shortly after, a friend told me about a loop ultra near us that her husband did every year. She told me it was a very relaxed atmosphere. It was a 1-mile loop, so I could stop whenever I wanted. I decided to do it but I was slightly terrified because I was certain I wasn’t an ultra-runner. When I arrived the runners were talking about the 100 milers they had done. The races had names like Blood Rock 100, and Coyote Canyon Challenge. I felt out of place, but by the end of the race I had fallen in love with the ultra-community and this distance. I only ran 27 miles at my first race. The man in front of me had done thirty. I said, “Good job.” He replied, “Thank you, but my eyesight is blurry right now. I think I went farther than I should have.” Instead of thinking he was crazy to push himself that far, I found myself thinking I hoped I could someday be so fearless that I would push slightly beyond what I thought were my limits. If you were wondering, he was fine after resting for a bit.
I see the same fearless abandon in some of the runners I meet at ultras. I am a planner who shows up with a container filled with extra clothes and shoes, another with food, and a third with a medical kit. I am in awe of the people who come with nothing but what they are wearing for the day. They jump into the experience without thinking of anything that might go wrong and they use the resources available. Clean up at the end when you are exhausted is much sweeter for them.
I have a friend, Sally, who has that fearless, limitless nature. She wants to enjoy experiences especially when a group of friends are involved. She will sign up for any race if friends ask her. She is a veteran runner who can impart some great wisdom. At my first half, Sally saw that I was going to run it like a 5k, so she grabbed my arm and said, “No!” She saved me from having an unpleasant experience. We asked her to do a 15k with us once and she said, “Sure!” We found out later she had not been training much and had not run more than three miles in the past month. When my friend Raleigh and I were done we ran out to her and ran in with her. I love that picture of us running her in because although she must have felt the lack of training and it had poured for most of the race, you can see the pure joy on her face because she said yes to an adventure instead of giving in to limitations.
Of course, there are times when it might be a better idea to see the limitations. My husband and I were doing a Yeti 11-hour endurance run when we met a man who was doing the Yeti Snakebite 200 the following week. On the way home my husband and I started a conversation that went like this,
“200 miles! I can’t wrap my head around that!”
“I know. That’s crazy talk. I can’t imagine doing that.”
Then there were some quiet moments and the conversation changed slightly.
“Well, the rules say you have to do at least 50 miles a day, so you could do the 50 then rest until the next day.”
“Hmmm. That’s true. 50 miles a day for four days, could you do it?”
“Probably not, but I’m starting to see the possibilities.”
After a few minutes, reality set in that I should be able to run fifty miles even one day before I start trying to do it four days in a row. Who knows though, it might be possible someday.
Another form of limitation is believing you can only train and race by running. I used to think if I walked during a race I had cheated and if I trained without running it wasn’t complete training, but I feel very differently now. When I was injured I was moaning to a friend that I had walked 6 miles, but I wished I could have run it. He said, “Jen, you covered the same distance as someone who ran it. A mile is a mile. Time on your feet is what counts.” I also have learned how much cross-training can help me. Don’t let anything limit you from improving your running and enjoying the experience.
I hope you will lift any limitations you have that hold you back from completely enjoying the experience of running. Throw your fear away jump into new experiences and most importantly, enjoy the journey!
My garden is a little bit of a mess. There is a wildness because I allow nature to do its thing, so there are berry patches and wildflowers mixed in with the vegetables. As I walk among the chaos, I can’t help but realize that the garden has life lessons to teach me. Here are a few.
You can thrive in adversity.
The weather has been crazy lately, and the garden has been hit with a few storms, but it is resilient and always bounces back. Being resilient in life when life throws us curveballs is important too. When you have a tornado hit your life, be calm in the middle of the storm and adopt an attitude that includes a plan about coming back stronger.
We need to be fueled to grow.
Plants need water and sun, but they also need pollinators, and it has been proven that talking and singing to the plants helps them grow. I tell mine every day how amazing they look. I give them a pep talk.
We need to be fueled too and not only with food and drink. We need to hear affirmations and kind words. We need support and those things that fill us up.
Watch out for the pests.
There are often bugs hiding that can cause a lot of damage. Be careful of those people who want to make your life difficult because they can hide their true intentions.
We can help each other.
I love seeing two plants helping each other. It could be a leaf shielding a strawberry, or a plant leaning against another plant for support. If we could follow that model and help and understand each other more imagine what we could do.
The weeds are toxic.
The weeds steal the nourishment of the plants and they can cover them when they need the light to grow. Toxic people are harmful too. They steal our joy and create stress and unpleasantness.
There are possibilities everywhere.
Even in the chaos, there are possibilities. The best carrot in the garden might be the seed I dropped near the cucumbers. You never know what might happen. The same is true in life. You never know what door will open to an incredible opportunity.
There are many reasons to run including improving your health, feeling stronger, finding peace, and meeting people, but for me, the biggest reason is the joy I find in running. Recently, I have changed my perspective about training and racing because I always want to have fun running.
Part of my change in perspective is due to an injury and aging. My body can no longer take intense training, so I have changed my routine, and I listen to my body more. In some ways, this has made running more fun. Instead of focusing so much on my performance, I’m more relaxed and enjoying the moment.
Sometimes we can get lost in the obsession to keep getting better, and faster, and we lose the magic of a run being just a run instead of a planned training routine.
I was recently at an ultra where I met a woman who was killing it in the race. She was on track to win the six-hour race, she was the owner of a race organization, and she looked incredibly fit. At one point we were both taking a break and no one else was around us. I told her what a great job she was doing, but her reply surprised me. She said, “I wish I didn’t have to train so much. I’m so tired.” She sounded so sad.
I understand the sense of competition. I might tell my friends I’m going to run a race for fun, but the minute I see a woman in my age group I will hurt myself to beat her.
The joy of running comes in many forms. I have watched people who are so excited when they win a medal while others are happy to cross the line. It can be seen with friends supporting each other, it can even be seen in shared misery like the race when it rained, snowed, and hailed. We were laughing because we were sure it couldn’t get worse, but then it hailed.
One of my best examples of joy in the run was at a half-marathon. I was behind a group of eight women who were going to run the whole race together. There was music playing quietly and they were talking and laughing. I asked them if they would adopt me, and I became their new friend Jen. I loved seeing how much fun they were having.
Remember that training is important, but don’t forget to have fun too!
Jennifer’s writing 