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5 Steps to Overcome Sensitivity Syndrome

Do you suffer from sensitivity syndrome? Here are the symptoms. When you see a picture of friends on social media you wonder what is wrong with you because you were not invited to hang with them. You turn a simple comment that is made about you into a criticism of you. You replay every conversation because you want to make sure you will not cause a conflict. Even though friends and family tell you that you are awesome, you are certain they are only being kind.

Sensitivity Syndrome can wreak havoc with your mental health and yes, I made up the malady, but many of us suffer from these symptoms. So, what can we do to overcome this Syndrome. I have a few ideas.

Limit your social media. Social media can be like kryptonite to a sensitive person. Social media can cause you to compare yourself to friends who paint a perfect picture, you see friends having fun without you, and you wonder why you cannot be better.

Keep in mind that what is being presented to you on social media is not the whole story. There is often some ugly baggage behind the pretty picture. Don’t compare yourself to anyone because everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Embrace your unique qualities.

Reflect and Check. Ask yourself what the reality of the situation is. When a friend group doesn’t treat you well ask yourself if they are quality friends. If other people continually lift you up, why are you the one tearing yourself down?

Stop chasing what hurts you. It seems logical that if something disturbs our peace, we should close that door, but many of us refuse to let go of what hurts us. We keep revisiting what does nothing to make us better. Walk away and don’t look back.

Use affirmations. Repeat short positive descriptions of yourself and keep repeating them until you believe them. Good examples are I am strong, I have value, I am kind, I have grit. Kick any negative thoughts to the curb and focus on the positive.

Accept your positives. I was talking to a former student that I have known for more than twenty years. I told him the last few days had been heavy. He responded, “Madame, you are a legend.” Before I could reply, he said, “No Madame. You have to receive it!” It made me think how many times we refuse to accept a compliment or a positive description of ourselves. Listen to those positives and accept that they might be true.

If you are hypersensitive overcoming that will not happen overnight. Do your best day to day and make gradual progress.

How The Ten-minute Solution Changes Everything

Have you noticed that the simplest solutions are usually the best? The ten-minute solution is a prime example, and it can be used in different ways in various situations. Here’s how it works.

Exercise

Is it difficult to stay motivated with your fitness routine? On those days when it is tough getting out the door, tell yourself you are going out for ten minutes. If you still don’t feel motivated after ten minutes you can quit, but usually it only takes getting started to make a difference.

It also helps to start small. Instead of aiming for high weekly mileage, why not say you will do one mile a day and then if you can do more that’s a bonus.

Parenting

The ten-minute solution can be used to help children transition from one activity to another. Let’s say you are at the pool. When you are about to leave tell your children, “We have ten minutes before we go.” When ten minutes have passed announce it is time to go. Most of the time the children will not make a fuss because you prepared them.

Working at home

When you are working at home, give yourself a ten-minute break every hour. The ten-minute break will help you to come back ready to be more productive.

Limit scrolling time to ten minutes so you do not lose yourself when you can be more productive.

Letting something sit

Whether you have just finished an article or a tricky e-mail, let it sit for ten minutes before you push send or publish. After ten minutes, take a fresh look and see if you want to change anything.

Waking up

The way you start your day can set the tone for your whole day. Give yourself ten minutes to wake up. Stretch in bed, take some time to think about the day, and listen to the quiet.

I hope the ten-minute solution will help you. If you would like to see more of my writing check out my blog at www.jenniferswriting.org

Realize You Have Special Gifts to Offer

I often hear people say they do not have a special gift or talent. They do not think they offer anything special to those around them, but these people are inevitably the ones who offer the most without even realizing it. Think for a moment and ask yourself what your gift is. In case you are having trouble coming up with an answer, here are some possible gifts that you may be giving without thinking about it.

· Strong faith I know several people who have not had an easy life, but instead of being bitter and asking, “Why me?” they trust completely in God’s plan, and feel that God will provide what they need to make it through any hardship. Faith like that is inspirational because many people will claim a belief in God until something goes wrong. It takes a strong faith to carry on in his name no matter what test is put before you. When people show this faith, they are gifting others with peace and hope. Leave your worries at his feet and do your best.

· Gifts of food Food can lift your spirits and giving food is an act of love. If you know someone who is struggling, bring over a meal, and watch their face light up. Donate and serve at a local food bank.

· Compliments We could all probably find something negative and positive about everyone around us. I choose to look for the positive and I also choose to comment on it. We all need a little ego boost now and then, so hearing that we did a good job, or that someone notices a positive point about us can be encouraging.

· Guidance At some point, everyone needs some advice and a little guidance to get back on track. It’s probably best to wait until someone asks for your advice, but you may have some valuable ideas to help.

· Joy Happy people are like magnets because they are fun to be around. They can see the positive in everything, and the laughter is contagious.

· A strong spirit I love being inspired by the people who refuse to let circumstances keep them down. Whether they are struggling with physical, personal, or financial hardships, they keep getting back up and fighting with everything they have so they can achieve their goals.

· Being present This is one of the greatest gifts and sometimes difficult to give. At my school, the students often want to come in before or between classes to talk. Although there are always a zillion things that need to be done, I will put everything down and focus on them every time because I think it is more important. Our children often want us to be with them, and as mine grow older I find that I do not care what we are doing, I only want to spend time with them.

Of course, there are the gifts that we think of first, like being able to sing like an angel, draw like Michelangelo, or dance like Misty Copeland, but the everyday gifts are as important and as needed as the gifts that make someone a standout. Use your gifts generously and be amazed at the difference you can make.

Use The Energy Around You

We all complain about being tired at some point because most of us are running around trying to do a million things throughout the day. We are trying to perform at our best for work, we have to maintain our home, shop for groceries, and care for our family and we are also told to exercise to maintain our health as well as finding time to unwind. Merely thinking about balancing all that can be exhausting but the answer for recharging your batteries is all around you. Let me tell you where your chargers are hiding.

The energizers

Some people have the ability to recharge us. They are the ones who know exactly what to say, they make you laugh and they can find the positive in everything. Spend as much time as you can around these people and you will feel the burdens fall off your shoulders. Even better than hanging around them, become one of them. As a teacher, I can be in a horrible mood but I know once I walk into my classroom, my students will lift my spirits as they tell stories and make me laugh.

Nature

Being outside can bring peace and relieve our stress that sometimes steals our energy. Go outside and listen to the energy around you. There are so many sounds of life around us but we are in such a hurry we do not always notice them. Being outside can be a stress reliever and since stress drains our energy being outside will counteract that.  Go for a stroll and walk to observe, not to burn calories. Look at the different styles of homes, the wide array of beautiful flowers, and notice what everyone is doing.

Music

Music can provide soothing moments and it can also motivate us with a bouncing beat. We can cry along with a sad song or sing at the top of our lungs while we make up the words. Play music to rev up your mood or to calm your soul. Music is a great energizer.

Food

Food is a natural energizer because we need it for fuel but a good meal can lift our spirits too. Food is love and enjoying what we eat is one of the greatest pleasures in life. Cooking is also a great way to relieve stress and reenergize. Something is comforting about being in the kitchen creating something wonderful to share.

Laughter

Laughing will make you feel better every time but even listening to laughter will perk you up. Notice how you react the next time you hear laughter. It is hard not to smile.

Exercise

It does not seem logical to say that expending energy can create more but any form of exercise will get your blood circulating and your heart rate up. Often at school when we are starting to fade during our planning period, we will go out for a quick walk to re-energize for our next class.

Use aromatherapy

Great smells can perk you up. Whether you use a candle that smells great, use essential oil and a diffuser or sprinkle some oil on your palms and breathe it in, smells have been known to lift our moods. Experiment and see what you like the most. I use wild orange in my palm and an oil called breathe in the diffuser. If you have a cold or a headache, peppermint oil is a great choice. I always diffuse breathe in my classroom and my students comment on how good it smells. They call the peppermint oil the magic oil because I have cured quite a few headaches and helped congested noses with a few drops.

Buy plants

There is something about taking care of plants and being surrounded by color that is energizing. Knowing that you are responsible for growing something and helping it flourish gives you a boost. 

Adopt an animal

Animals require and renew our energy. Playing with an animal or watching its behavior can pick up your mood in a minute.

Do something you enjoy

Doing something you like to do will raise your energy level. The anticipation of doing something fun can keep your energy level up all day.

There are a few things that can drain your energy instead of replenishing it and this might be slightly different for everyone. Find what fills you up and do more of it while avoiding those things that steal your energy.

A Gut Punch of a Phone Call

I am reeling from a phone call I just received. The counselor at my old school who I also love dearly, called me this afternoon. When I saw her name come across my phone I thought she was going to give me the contact information for a student who needed tutoring, but instead she told me that a colleague in my department had passed away last night.

i felt like someone had punched me in the gut. She was 51, vivacious, always moving, involved in everything, full of life. She died from the flu within only several days. The doctors said her lungs were full of fluid.

I am in complete shock and wondering how her family is coping with her death. Her son is a sophomore in college, and her daughter is a senior in high school. I’m not sure there is ever a good time to lose your mother, but this is too early. She won’t be there for graduations, or weddings, or births. There will be an empty space in their lives.

The lesson I am taking from this is don’t pay attention to the trivial things. Love strong, appreciate every moment you have and live life to the fullest. Hug the people you love and take care of your health to the best of your ability. Don’t stay angry with friends and family and check in on them regularly.

Have you lost someone recently unexpectedly? Do you feel like it can’t be real? I am reading all the tributes to her and looking at the pictures full of memories. Don’t wait to tell someone that he or she made a difference in your life. Let people know they made an impact.

Creating A Writing Life

Make writing a priority. I felt guilty for years if I wrote before I had taken care of all my other responsibilities, and then I was sad that I did not do something I love. If writing is important to you and it brings you joy, you have the right to make it a priority.

Create a series of goal statements. The first is a mission statement to describe what you do and what you hope to accomplish. An example could be to be a successful writer who specializes in fitness writing. A vision statement describes where you imagine your writing career in the future. An example could be, I envision my writing appearing in major fitness magazines, speaking about fitness, and writing a book about health. A values statement explains why you do what you do and details the morals and standards you uphold. An example could be I am committed to being a professional who meets deadlines and provides excellent customer service and works with clients who have the same beliefs and morals.

Determine the best time of day for your writing. I write best earlier in the day when my energy is the strongest. I know other writers enjoy writing at night or early morning when it is quiet. I must find moments when the rest of my family is occupied because no matter how intent I try to look, they interrupt my writing to carry on a conversation or ask me for help.

 Have a writing space. I love my writing space. It is at the back of the house in a sunroom. I am surrounded by color and memories of everything I love, and to my left is a comfortable couch that my dog lies on, and to my right, I have a podium and a cozy couch for naps on rainy days. I do not have any doors in my space, but I think my family would ignore them anyway. If you need someplace outside of your house, consider the library or a coffeehouse.

 Keep a folder or notebook for writing documents. I recently had several books published simultaneously by the same publisher. The publisher and illustrator were emailing me questions, and I had to ask more than once which book the question was about. An example was when the publisher asked me to send a copy of the reader’s reviews, my dedication, and my ‘About the Author’ page. I had to ask which book he was talking about, and because I have everything stored in digital folders, it was easy to find them.

 Have another folder with signs of your success. In case you have a difficult day when you question your ability as a writer, have a folder with kind notes and complimentary reviews to remind yourself that what you are doing has value.

 Be consistent. I do not believe in the write-every-day rule because there are certain days when I need a break, and I do not want to force my writing. I do want to write consistently, though, and give my readers fresh writing consistently.

Help other writers. I frequently have aspiring writers approach me when I am vending my books. They often say, “I have an idea for a book.” I respond with, “Why aren’t you writing it?” Their response is usually, “I do not think anyone would read it. You do not know unless you try, so I will do my best to encourage anyone who wants to write. If you are a writer and something has worked well for you, share it with other writers.

 Know your rights. When you receive a contract from a client or publisher, make sure you know what you are signing. What rights do you have, and what is your client asking of you and guaranteeing for you?

 Manage finances. Keep great financial records. Create a budget and record both incoming money and expenses.

 Follow your heart. Everyone has an opinion about what you should write to be successful and make money. My husband finally understood that although I would love to make money writing, that is not my number one reason for doing it. I like to help people, and I think some of my words can do that. My work is not sexy and scandalous, but it is full of my heart. Do what makes you happy.

 Guard your energy. Several things can steal your energy as a writer. You will encounter people who want you to do work for free. Say no unless it is for a cause that you support. Decide where your energy should go. You may have to train your family to understand that you need your writing time. Develop thick skin when it comes to critiques. Realize the comments are valuable if the comments can help you to improve, otherwise ignore them because you do not need to waste your mental energy.

 Ignore the haters. First, let me separate someone who is giving you a valuable critique from a hater. When you send in your work for publication, a publisher may give you advice about improving your work. This is given with kind intentions, even though it is difficult to see your work criticized. A hater, on the other hand, only wants to demean you. It is not about you or your work; it is pure hatefulness. The best thing you can do is to ignore the comments and continue with your day.

 Be professional. Meet deadlines, answer e-mails, deliver your books on time, treat everyone with respect, and be a good human.

 Do not give up. We all have those days when we question whether we are expending time and effort for nothing. Keep going because you never know who needs to hear your words. When others do not support you, keep going if writing is your passion.

Five Writer’s Resolutions

Everyone makes resolutions for health and wellness and financial health, but as writers, do you make writer’s resolutions? I have a vision board where I put pictures and comments about what I hope for during the new year, but guess which section is the smallest? I asked myself this morning why my greatest passion isn’t getting more of my attention and the answer led me to these resolutions.

Resolution #1 I am going to give higher priority to my writing. Most of the time I do not sit down to write until I have completed all my other responsibilities, and that often means I don’t have much energy or creativity left.

I struggle with guilt about writing. My family doesn’t see it as important, so I often feel guilty spending the time at the computer, but writing makes me so happy and peaceful. I know it is what I need for my mental health. This year I am going to draw some boundaries and let others know that I need more time to devote to writing.

Resolution #2 I will be more disciplined and focused with my writing time. The computer can become a black hole waiting to steal all your time. I tell myself that I will only glance at social media, but then I’m shocked when I look at the clock and an hour has gone by. I will have certain hours to work, and I will focus on my writing business for that time.

Resolution #3      I am going to ignore the haters and believe my writing matters. Haters are not always strangers. I have someone close to me who makes snide remarks about my writing usually by telling me how little money I make. This year I am going to focus on the positives and not listen to hateful comments. I will prove myself without dropping to the hater’s level.

Resolution #4  I will continue to learn and grow. I have so much more to learn, but I am eager to continue to grow. This year I am going to enter contests, go to conferences, ask questions, and read writing books.

Resolution #5 Finish what I’ve started and push forward. My brain goes in five different directions, so I have several projects going at once. Instead of starting something new, I’m going to finish current projects.

Finding Your Writing Resources

                       Find Your Resources

You do not have to be alone on your writing journey. There are many resources to help with whatever you need and the best part is that most of them are free. Here are a few resources to investigate. Remember to keep learning. I love reading articles or books that help me grow. Keep looking for opportunities to improve. Take classes, read, attend writer’s groups, or interact with them online. Join online writing platforms and use them to improve your craft. Do not ever think your writing is good enough. Have a growth mentality instead. Here are some more specifics.

Join writing groups. Most towns and states have writing organizations that offer support for writers. They often have guest speakers and opportunities to gain experience from other writers. Here are a few to explore.

Scribophile is an online community where writers post work and receive critiques.

Writer pal is an online group where writers join small group circles for feedback.

Fictionary is an on source for free writing groups.

Facebook has many writing groups, and they offer the chance to ask questions and see what other writers are doing. Here are a few you can explore.

Writers unite                           The Write Life Community        Writers helping writers

I have used Facebook groups countless times. You can ask for advice or information, and experienced writers share their expertise.

Find the writing books that can answer your questions.

Writer’s Market is a book that also has a list of publishers and information that can be helpful. You can find everything from writing a query, controlling finances, finding a literary agent, how to blog, and how to use social media.

The Christian Writer’s Market Guide will give you publishing information for more faith-based publishers.

Book Market’s Guide for Children Writers is good if you are a children’s writer.

1001 Ways to Market Your Book by John Kremer is wonderful if you always need help with marketing like I do.

Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg is one of my favorites as well as Stephen King’s On Writing.

There are so many more terrific books on writing, so enjoy reading.

 Find the right editor or publisher. There are several diverse types of publishers. You can do self-publishing through a company like Amazon, there are vanity presses which do the publishing while charging you a fee to do it, and there are traditional publishers who do not charge you except when you order books from them if they are print on demand. Do your research about which publisher will be the best fit for you.

Use feedback as a resource but learn to filter it. After years of reading responses from editors and publishers, I will tell you that some advice is amazing, some is difficult to hear, but helpful, and some can be put aside.

I am grateful to the people who took the time to tell me why they were rejecting my work, and some of the advice helped me grow as a writer. There is a certain point, though, when it is okay to be true to who you are as a writer, so when an editor tells you to only write a certain way, you do not necessarily have to listen. I received a nasty rejection that was brutal telling me that in his opinion my book would not be published. My friend said, “Jen, that is only one voice. You can choose not to listen to it.” I listened to the criticism and made the changes that allowed the book to be published, but I appreciated the support from my friend, and I do believe that an opinion is only one voice.

Online resources

You can use Grammarly for free to edit your work. Ask other writers what online programs they use. One of my favorites is Canva that I use for newsletters. Listen to podcasts and reels for great ideas.

Research writing software Here are some ideas for software that writers use.

Scrivener This is good for long-form writing projects where you want to organize chapters, scenes, research, and notes. Some users think it is complex to use at first.

Ulysees Writers on Apple devices who want a clean distraction free writing space can use this. Writers can use this for blog posts, and shorter works.

Microsoft word   This is good for standard word processing and collaboration with comments and track changes.

Google docs This is good for collaborative writing.

Atticus Authors who want both writing and formatting can use this platform.

Grammarly  There is a free and premium version that you can use to check your grammar.

The Moments That Can Change Your Life

This one is all about you

There are moments in our lives that can change everything, but those moments are different for all of us. It’s important to reflect on those moments from time to time and think about how they have shaped us. Here are a few questions about those moments. I would love to hear your answers.

Who was the person who first saw your passion maybe even before you realized it?

We all need a person in our lives that sees our potential and believes in our ability to achieve it. There will be plenty of people who tell you that what you dream of is impossible, but somehow when one important person tells us we can, it suddenly is in reach.

What words have lifted you up and sustained you on the hard days?

I write down kind words and save sweet notes so I can remember them when I have one of those days when I doubt my ability to do anything right.

What events or decisions changed your life?

There are certain decisions that completely change the path of your life. What made you choose the path you did?

What people or failures made you stronger even though the experience was laced with negativity?

Toxic people and situations are never fun to navigate but they teach us valuable lessons such as resilience. We have to decide to allow toxicity and failure to overwhelm us or find a way to overcome it.

What has been an obstacle or challenge?

We all have those things that stand in our way. The obstacle could be financial, it could be fear, and it could be a lack of self-esteem.

Who are your greatest cheerleaders?

We all need a few people in our corner who always have our back.

What are you proud of?

What are your greatest achievements? Describe those moments when your hard work was rewarded.

How has your family influenced who you are today?

Do you have the same beliefs and morals as your family? What do you want to do differently?

Our lives are formed by so many different choices, circumstances and decisions. I hope you enjoyed reflecting on what shaped yours.