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The ABCS of Traveling to Paris

I fell in love with France at an early age, did a junior year in college in Rouen, and taught French for 40 years. I took students and family on over twenty-five trips, and we have gone several times each year since retirement. Through all those years, I have picked up some tips you might not find in the guidebooks. Here are the ABCs of traveling to France.

Apps can make your trip easier. I use Paris Metro which is an app that will plan your metro route for you. It is easy to use but you have to be patient with all the ads unless you want to upgrade. Another great app is IDF Mobilité. The metro now requires a card, (Navigo pass) instead of the paper tickets and this app allows you to add tickets and check how many are on your card. You don’t have to have your credit card out in a public place or wait in line in the metro station.

Bathrooms are a complicated affair. My family has a rule that when you see a bathroom use it because unless you know where the bathrooms are, you might have to go into a café, buy something and ask to use la toilette. Let me give you an example with two big tourist spots. In the Luxembourg garden, there are free bathrooms in the front and the back, but if there is a small dish on the counter you should leave a tip for the person who cleans the bathroom. In the middle of the garden near the tennis court, there is a bathroom (down the stairs) where you must pay. It’s a good idea to have some spare change for bathroom emergencies. In some cafés you need something called a jeton to use instead of paying.

In the Louvre, there are free bathrooms on the first floor under the stairs. Avoid the bathroom on the first floor, that says the cleanest bathroom. You will have to pay. You also need to pay if you use the bathroom in the food court. (one euro)

Croissants are better in France. You may think you know what a croissant tastes like but just wait until you try one in France. They are fresh and flaky while being crunchy. You can have them buttered, with almond paste, or chocolate.

Don’t expect everything to be the same as back home. Be curious about cultural differences, and experience new things.

Engage with the locals. My favorite thing about trips is my interactions with people. Don’t worry about the language barrier. My husband doesn’t speak any French but somehow, he manages to charm everyone. 

Food is savored in France not quickly gobbled, so you can rush to the next activity. Cooking is an art form, so eat slowly and enjoy one of the great pleasures in life. You will find some of the biggest cultural differences when it comes to food. Expect grilled meat to be rarer than you might expect, so you may want to order your hamburger bien cuit (well done). Also know that steak tartare is raw hamburger. The French care about whether you enjoyed your meal.

Greet people when you enter anywhere. It is considered rude to not do this. Say Bonjour monsieur, (hello sir), or Bonjour Madame, (hello madam).

Have a good attitude. Travel can be challenging, but if you keep a positive attitude everything will work out.

Investigate some new places. Every time I go to France, I find new places to explore. Wander down some side streets and go to some new places.

Jazz bars are a fun experience.

Keep everything out of your pockets. More than once on the metro I have felt a stray hand exploring my pocket. Don’t make it easy for pickpockets.

Learn a few basic phrases.

Merveilleux are light as air pastries. Here is the website with pictures and addresses. https://auxmerveilleux.com/en/

Neuhaus chocolates come from Belgium, but they are easy to find in Paris. They are the best chocolates I have ever had.

Opéra Garnier is one of the most beautiful attractions in Paris. Eat lunch at The Public House nearby.

Patisseries. The French take bakeries to a new level. All that goodness is worth the calories.

Questions about culture can lead to some fascinating information. I asked the vineyard caretaker in the Luxembourg gardens where I could buy the wine, and after telling me it wasn’t available for public sales, he then told me what it was used for as well as telling me about the entire history from the Middle Ages. I love that the French take time to interact.

Raclette is a cheese that is melted and scraped on other food.

Shakespeare and Company is an English bookshop near Notre Dame with loads of charm. Only a certain number of people can enter at a time. Explore all the nooks and crannies.

Tuileries. The gardens outside the Louvre will lead you up the Champs-Élysée.

Under the city you will find the Catacombs.

Versailles is a spot everyone should see at least once. The gardens are spectacular. Explore the town as well.

W.C. is another way to say toilet.

Xtra time is needed to explore Paris.

Yannick Noah is a famous French singer.

Zinedine Zidane is a legend in French soccer.

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The Lonely Princess

Once upon a time, a princess named Rianna lived in a haunted castle. You might think it would be scary to live in a haunted castle, but Rianna thought of the ghosts as her friends, and since she was very lonely, she appreciated living with the ghosts.

Her mother and father, the king and queen were too busy to spend time with her, but the ghosts were always willing to play or make her laugh by playing tricks on her very serious, no-nonsense governess.

She wasn’t always sure when and which one of the ghosts would appear, but she enjoyed spending time with each of them. There was Jordy who was about her age who had died from a fever, Evelyn had been a maid who died in a carriage accident, Joseph was a groom who fell from his horse and died from his injuries, and Alison was a lady who died in childbirth. They all kept her company, and she knew she would be content to stay in the castle forever, but unfortunately, her father had other plans.

During the time that Rianna lived, it was common to use marriage to unite kingdoms and Rianna’s father wanted to strengthen his ties to the king in the neighboring kingdom. Unfortunately for Rianna, the king was much older than she was and was only concerned about someone who could provide him with strong heirs to rule his kingdom when he was gone. He cared nothing about loving his wife or whether he could make her happy.

Rianna thought her future looked bleak and she didn’t want to leave the only friends she had ever known. She tried to talk to her father about it, but he was determined to see her marry the king. Rianna talked to her ghost friends, and they assured her they would take care of the problem.

The day came when King Alfred arrived at the castle. He arrived with a small contingent of soldiers since he had no reason not to trust Rianna’s father. Rianna hid behind a tapestry to catch a glimpse of her future husband. She shuddered when she saw him. He was so fat that is horse looked as if it was miserable carrying his weight. His skin was pockmarked from disease and when he dismounted and approached her father, he walked with a limp. What Rianna noticed the most was how cruel he looked. She knew she could not expect any gentleness from this man.

As she was watching, she noticed that Joseph had appeared near King Alfred’s horse. He had a long stick in his hand. He grinned at Rianna and smacked the horse on his rump. The horse reared in pain causing panic around it. King Alfred turned suddenly and tripped over something that caused him to fall into a mud puddle. Rianna heard a childish giggle and saw Jordy retrieve his toy that caused King Alfred to trip, He vanished before anyone could notice him.

Rianna’s father rushed forward to help King Alfred stand, but King Alfred’s weight was to much for him and he fell into the mud as well. Several servants stood by with no idea what to do. Both kings stood up and Rianna’s father suggested a servant take King Alfred to his chambers where he could clean up and then return to the great hall when he was ready. Both kings left the area to recover.

As Rianna huddled in her hiding place, Alison appeared next to her. She whispered, “Rianna, you will be expected to present yourself when the king comes back to the hall but wait in your room to be called. We will take care of the rest. We will do our best to make sure King Alfred changes his mind about marrying you.”

“Thank you, Alison. What are you going to do?”

As Rianna turned for the answer she realized that Alison had disappeared. She slipped from behind the tapestry and hurried to her room. She sat on the bed terrified that her friends might fail.

An hour later, a servant came to Rianna’s room and told her she was expected in the great hall. Rianna nodded and walked slowly toward the hall, as she rounded the corner before entering the hall, Evelyn stepped from the shadows and threw the contents of a bucket on Rianna. Whatever had been in the bucket was foul smelling. The servant with Rianna said, “I’m sorry my lady, but the kings are waiting for you.”

Rianna continued in and noticed her father and King Alfred covered their noses when she approached. Rianna curtsied and said, “I am sorry, but one of the servants slipped and the contents from her bucket landed on me.”

King Alfred choked, “I do not want to know what was in that bucket, but as my wife you will be held to a higher standard than this.”

Rianna flinched, “Yes sir.”

King Alfred turned to Rianna’s father, “Does she have accidents like this often?”        

A voice from the crowd that Rianna recognized as Alison said, “Much worse than this sir. She cannot be trusted. I cannot imagine what she would be like with children.”

Rianna’s father’s face turned crimson, “Who said that?”

Everyone looked around, but of course, Alison had disappeared.

King Alfred made a quick decision. “I cannot marry a woman who could harm my children because of clumsiness. I hope we can continue to be allies, but it will not be through marriage.’

Before Rianna’s father could answer, King Alfred stalked out of the hall with his men. As the last man left, another contingent entered. The young man who entered first was the most handsome man Rianna had ever seen. He looked so kind. Rianna’s father stood up and bellowed, “Who are you?”

The young man stepped forward and said, “I am King Jacob from the kingdom to your East. My father recently passed and as I ascend the throne, I need to take a wife. I would like it to be your daughter.”

Rianna’s father said, “Why would I allow you to marry my daughter?”

Jacob replied, “I can offer you my protection because my army is strong, I am wealthy enough to help you financially and provide for your daughter, and my location can help protect your borders.”

Rianna’s father pointed to Rianna and said, “You will have to ask her for her hand.”

Rianna realized that once Jacob saw and smelled the state she was in, he would change his mind, but he approached her, looked her in the eyes and said, “Lady Rianna, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife? I have six sisters who will welcome you into the family and I believe you will love my mother as I do. My kingdom is beautiful and I will treat you with love and respect. Will you accept me?”   

Rianna didn’t even hesitate, “I accept.” She lowered her voice to tell him, “I swear I don’t usually smell like this.”

Jacob winked, “I know. Alison told me everything. When can you be ready to leave?”

“Immediately!”

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Please Don’t Give Up. Here Are Some Reasons to Keep Moving Forward

This year has felt heavy to me, and I feel guilty saying that because there have been many blessings this year, but I have struggled to stay motivated and positive in more than one area. Have you felt that way or has this been a successful year for you when you were highly motivated to achieve great things? I am so happy for you if you answered yes, but if you had a few low spots like I did, I would like to offer a few reasons why I hope you never give up on the things you love to do.

  • Success can take time. When it feels like nothing is changing you might be surprised to know how much you are learning and growing.
  • Giving up means you are closing doors that you might have been able to burst through with one more shove.
  • Instead of quitting, adjust. Do what you have been doing but do it differently. Experiment to find out what will bring you success. Running has been my therapy my whole life, but as I’m reaching the end of my sixth decade, my knees have started to be cranky. I cannot run every day or run ten miles straight. I was frustrated several months ago and I stopped running. Last week I realized there was another solution. Instead of stopping, I would adjust my routine. I run 2 miles and walk the rest then I walk the next day and then run. So far it is working great.
  • Not giving up builds resilience and mental strength.
  • Quitting never feels good but pushing forward makes you feel powerful.
  • Even though you might not realize it, there are people who count on you to be you.
  • You never know when a blessing or even a failure could change everything for the better.
  • Your words, your kindness, and your actions could save someone’s life.
  • If your journey didn’t have some walls to break down, you wouldn’t learn some valuable lessons.
  • What if you can be the change maker in someone’s life?

There are so many reasons to keep pushing forward even when you are tired and you feel like life has left you battered and bruised. Something wonderful might be about to happen.

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8 Ways to make it through the day when you don’t want to

It’s one of those days when you want to pull the covers over your head and stay hidden in your warm cocoon of blankets. Once you pull yourself out of bed you sit at the counter with your cup of coffee in your hands and dread the interactions to come.

Would it surprise you to know that even the most positive, upbeat people have those days when everything feels heavy? The secret to making it through when you want to tap out is that you need to have your mental weapons ready. Here are a few ideas to try to boost your mood and motivation.

· Put on your favorite music depending on your mood. If I’m feeling down, I want to hear something soothing, if I am not motivated, I need something I have to move to and I turn it up loud, If I’m angry, I play the best revenge songs. Music is cheap therapy. Sing along to the music as loud as you can and change the words if you want. I was singing a song yesterday and when I sang the chorus my husband started laughing and said, “Jen, those are not the words.” I have been singing the wrong words for years!

· Eat your favorite breakfast. On the bad days, nutritional value doesn’t count unless the days stretch into months. Eat a pop tart or some killer French toast. Good food can boost your mood.

· Remember you have power over your reactions. When my students walked into class in a bad mood, I would always remind them they had the power to turn their attitude around. You cannot always control what happens, but you can control how you react to it.

· Reach out to someone who makes you laugh. You cannot stay depressed for long when you are laughing.

· Share your feelings with those you trust. This year has been heavy for me, but I felt better when I shared those feelings and discovered there were others who felt the same way.

· Do something fun. If you are able, do activities you enjoy like reading or watching movies.

· Go to bed early. Sleep can be a great remedy. When we are sleep deprived everything seems worse.

· Seek professional help if needed. If you are struggling with your mental health, it may be time to ask for professional advice.

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How an attitude change reshaped my running

During most of my years of running I thought I had to run every day and the longer I could go the better I felt. Although I enjoyed swimming and biking, I didn’t feel as if I had exercised unless I had run, but as I have aged, I have had to adjust both my attitude and my running regimen.

Running has always been my therapy and my joy. I couldn’t imagine giving it up, but the excessive miles without some healthy rest and cross training started to cause issues in the form of injuries.

I had run a 5k before karate class and I jumped into intense sparring without stretching. I jumped back and landed strangely on my left leg and ripped through 3 layers of muscle in my calf. I was told to stay off of it for six weeks. When a runner is faced with time away from running it is hard not to think about all the hard work of training with the possibility of your fitness level slipping away. My husband told me the rest would be good for me while assuring me I would not lose my fitness level that fast, but all I could think about was how hard it was going to be to get back in shape, but then I thought, instead of giving up completely on cardio, why don’t I find a way to adapt and actually come back stronger?

Running is personal, so I’m sure everyone has a routine they enjoy, but what worked for me was to increase my strength training, stretching, and find cardio that would not impact my calf. I experimented with a variety of cross training and found if I was careful, I could do the bike on low resistance and the elliptical on a low level. As my calf healed, I increased the resistance on both.

That was only the beginning of the need for an attitude change and how that change would make me stronger. I tore my meniscus and was not able to run for around 7 months. I changed my thinking about racing when I was walking at the back of a 5k or doing an ultra. It isn’t where you are in a race or how fast you are going that matters. What matters is that you showed up.

The biggest attitude and routine adjustment has happened in the last few months. Both of my knees were very cranky when it came to running and I reached a point when I was in real pain. I didn’t want to quit running completely, so I started to experiment with a few things. First, I found my knees could handle running if I ran 2-3 miles every third day. I increased my stretching and did consistent weight training. I also did everything I could to strengthen the muscles around my knee. I do wall sits, step ups, lunges, and squats.

I have also had to make a mental adjustment as well. There are days designated for running when I would rather walk, but I tell myself to go out and run for ten minutes and see how I feel. Once I am out there, I’m glad to be running. Sometimes the hardest part is the first step out the door. I have been using some of the tricks I used when coaching cross country. When my motivation is low, I tell myself to run to a certain spot, and then I pick a spot beyond that.

As I’m aging there are a few things that help me to keep running. I have a massage regularly, I use the roller to roll out tight muscles, I do exercises to keep my core strong, and I take at least one day as a complete rest day because a rest day isn’t being lazy, it’s maintenance.

You don’t have to give up a sport you love, but at some point, you may have to adjust both your routine and attitude to continue to find joy in running.

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How Consistency Can Change Your Life

We all make plans to change certain things in our lives. We tell family and friends how excited we are about the new changes we are going to make, and we begin working towards our new goal with passion. unfortunately, the passion only lasts about a week and then we fall back into old habits only to try to restart about a month later and then again, we give up. If we all did more things in our lives consistently, we could turn our lives around dramatically. Here are some ways consistency can help you. 

Be consistent exercising and you can change your body.

Be consistent reading and you will improve your mind.

Be consistently positive and you will bring good things into your life.

Eat well consistently and you will have more energy and better health.

Sleep well consistently and you can improve your productivity and your focus.

Practice excellence consistently instead of settling for average and you will be proud.

Serving others consistently will improve your self-esteem.

Finding good in others consistently will improve your character.

Trying new things consistently will stimulate your brain.

Budgeting your money consistently will ensure you are financially healthy.

Learning on the job consistently makes you a better employee. 

Spending time consistently doing the things you love will make you happier.

Spending time with friends consistently will make you more secure.

Laughing consistently will keep your mood light.

Staying abreast of current events consistently will keep you knowledgeable.

Smiling consistently can improve the moods of those around you.

Listening consistently will help more than giving advice.

Being present consistently instead of thinking about the past or future will open your eyes.

Taking a few minutes to reflect consistently can clear your mind.

Follow your instincts consistently and make good decisions.

Treating others with love consistently can enrich your life.

Doing your best consistently is a great way to grow.

I hope these ideas give you some action steps to improve.

Strength training, outdoor by U.S. Naval Academy is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0
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The Mental Strength to Move Forward

 I wrote 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden because I wanted to help some of the many people who struggle with mental health every day. I hoped I could provide some inspiration to show people the possibilities and the light when they only saw despair and darkness.

I knew I wanted to start the book with how to be in a good place mentally to make it easier for everyone to be able to move forward toward the best life possible. Here are the concepts that begin the book.

You are wonderfully made. Everyone has both weaknesses and special qualities. Don’t try to be anything other than your true self. Your real friends are those who love you exactly as you are. Focus on those strengths that make you shine and improve in areas where you want to be better.

Believe you can. Your beliefs become your reality. At the beginning of each semester, I did an exercise with my students to show them the power of negative and positive thoughts. I would ask for a volunteer and then tell the volunteer that he should hold his arm out at shoulder level and repeat, “I will not drop my arm.” After the student repeated this several times, I would tell him I was going to try to pull his arm down, but he shouldn’t let me. I was never able to make him lower his arm. I then asked him to raise his arm again, but this time I told him to say, “I can’t keep my arm up.” This time when I pulled on the arm, the arm dropped immediately. I wanted my students to realize that their energy could affect the outcome of their efforts.

Do not compare yourself to others. Be careful when you find yourself wishing you were like someone else because you don’t know what hidden burdens that person has. Be the best person you can be and celebrate your success as well as the success of those around you. Be grateful for your blessings and realize that imperfection is more interesting and involves inspirational stories.

Do not allow anyone to limit you.  Even your family and friends can hold you back when they don’t think your dreams are realistic. When I told my husband I wanted to be a writer, he told me he wanted to be a pro golfer but that wasn’t going to happen either. I had to draw some boundaries for his attitude about my writing, and he is now supportive of what I am doing. If you love to do something, move forward and prove the haters wrong.

When I was forty-two, I wanted to have a third child. When I mentioned this to others, the reactions were always negative and included comments about my age, how old I would be when my child graduated high school, and the potential for health problems because I was an older mother. I ignored the comments and had my daughter who is the light of my life. I would have missed out on so much joy if I had listened to others.

These are the basics of working on staying strong mentally. Once you can master these tips, you can move forward to use the next set.

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Ten Tips for Traveling with a Toddler

I always thought it was important to take my child everywhere even when they were very little. I wanted to expose them to everything and teach them from an early age how to behave and enjoy new experiences.

Those experiences included traveling with my children, but for some reason I didn’t travel out of the country with them until they were at least six. As a French teacher, I traveled often to France with students or family because I needed to immerse myself to improve my language skills. I brought my children as often as I could because I wanted them to be global citizens, to understand cultural differences and the importance of learning other languages. My oldest daughter went to France the most and her memories are of playing in the Luxembourg gardens, going to the interactive science museum called La Cité, and eating amazing food. When my grandson was born, she told me she wanted to expose her son to all of those wonderful experiences, so last week we took the four-year-old for his first trip out of the country. Let me tell you the tips I learned from this trip as well as what I learned from the trips with my children.

Tip #1 Always make sure your child is fed and rested. My grandson is a picky eater, so we knew our options were limited, so every morning I went into the bakery to buy two croissants and two donuts to be ready for that moment when he said, “I’m hungry!” This tip applies whether you are traveling or not because most meltdowns happen because of hunger or fatigue.

Tip #2 Factor in downtime. Being in a different environment can be stimulating and overwhelming. Plan some time everyday to have some quiet time.

Tip #3 Don’t supersize the itinerary. Plan one activity a day and if everybody feels good you can do something else, but if you plan too much at once you are asking for a meltdown and it might not be the toddler that has it.

Tip #4 Be prepared. My grandson is potty trained, but there was still potential for disaster, so my daughter packed extra clothes in case they were needed.

Tip #5 Let them be kids. Plan some kid-friendly activities like kid’s museums or playgrounds. Let them run off the zoomies.  

Tip #6 Build their excitement. Act as if what you are about to do is the best thing ever. They will join in with enthusiasm.

Tip #7 Be patient. When something goes wrong, realize that all the new things might be difficult for your child. Remember the trip doesn’t have to be perfect.

Tip #8 Keep a sense of humor. When things don’t go according to plan, see the humor in the situation and carry on.

Tip #9 Have a plan B. Be ready to pivot at any moment because even the best plans can fall apart. We had tickets to ride a bus to see the major attractions, but when we arrived my husband couldn’t find the tickets on his phone. Everyone can have those moments when excess fatigue shuts down the brain, so be ready to look for a different way to accomplish the goals. I redid the tickets and the company refunded us.

Tip #10 Ask for help. If you have family with you work together to help each other when it is needed. If you are alone, ask for help from others when you know those requests are safe.

I hope these tips help you. Don’t be afraid to travel with a child. It’s possible he or she will have the best attitude of the whole group.

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What’s Life without a few scars and brokenness?

Do you allow toxic thoughts to slip in that tell you what a mess you are and how broken you have become? First, let me assure you that you are not the only one to have those thoughts, but they can cause us harm, but there are ways to turn those thoughts around because your mess and your brokenness are all a matter of perception, so here are a few things to remember, and some action steps to take to go from feeling broken to glorious.

Change your thinking. One of the reasons I wrote this article was because I was lying in bed this morning thinking that I really was a mess then I started to argue with myself by finding a few positives about my messy self. I know I am not the only one to struggle with staying positive about myself. Our mind rules the day, so if we can control how we think, we can change a lot. Switch any negative thoughts to positives and see the difference it makes. Tell yourself you are pretty darn wonderful until you believe it yourself.  

List the good things. What are your best qualities? Are you kind? Loyal? Easy to be with? Make a list.

What have your scars and failures done for you? I am a true believer that the more you fail, the more you learn, and sometimes those failures leave mental and physical scars. I have the most scars from parenting, teaching, and karate. Parenting taught me unconditional love, forgiveness and the importance of boundaries, teaching taught me the importance of relationships, and karate taught me that I should never give up because persistence pays off, I should recognize toxic behavior sooner, and just because someone is the person in charge doesn’t mean he should be. If you never fail you will miss out on some valuable lessons.

What are your most glorious stories? Think about those times when you triumphed and it felt glorious. Write them down and relive that feeling. The first one that came to mind for me was when I was an advocate for my oldest daughter. She had started to go to the special education class during reading time because she was below reading level. She started to tell me that the teacher was yelling at them. I told her that a teacher should never yell, but maybe she had a bad day. Then, she came home and told me the teacher called her a liar. I arranged a meeting for the next day, and I made sure the teacher knew what I thought about her methods.

Keep rising up and bring someone with you. It doesn’t matter how many times you mess up. You have a fresh start every day. Hold yourself together with a sense of humor and a refusal to quit. When you figure something out, share the secret with someone else.

Be happy with who you are. I have been a people pleaser most of my life then suddenly I decided I needed to draw some boundaries to protect my peace. I’m happy with who I am and I’m not going to beg someone to be my friend. Don’t worry what others think of you. Deflect the arrows of the people who think they know what is best for you.

I hope these ideas help you to turn the thoughts around to see how glorious you are!