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7 Life-changing Actions

Most of my greatest lessons have come from failure or trial and error. I am always going to be a work in progress doing my best to improve and live my best life, but I am sure of a few actions that have been life-changing for me.

  • Take care of yourself first. This sounds selfish, but you cannot help yourself or anyone else if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Self-care often means saying no to others and not needing to explain your reasons. If saying yes to someone’s request causes you stress, don’t hesitate to say no. Rest is another important element in self-care. Take time to relax and recharge. Eat well and move consistently.
  • Remind yourself about what is important. Life is a roller coaster ride where our mental health can take a hit on a daily basis. Having simple phrases to use as reminders can help. You can pick whatever works for you, but some examples are, “focus on the positive.”, “Find the joy.”, “Let it go.”
  • Let others own their issues. I’m super sensitive, so I always worry about what people think of me, and if I might say the wrong thing, but I’m finally realizing that most issues don’t have anything to do with me. I have a family member who rarely visits. I wondered for so long if it was because of something I said or did. I finally had to let it go and have the attitude that it was his choice where he spends his time.
  • Guard your peace. Drama swirls around us every day, and certain people love to give it power, but remember that it takes two people to create drama, so if you don’t engage in the situation, you can maintain your calm.
  •  Set boundaries. Let others know how you expect to be treated and accept nothing less. Don’t allow disrespectful treatment. Communicate your boundaries well.
  • Don’t compare or covet. Differences make us more interesting, so be happy with your own style and ways. Perfection is usually a mask that hides a massive mess below the surface, so before you wish to be someone else, ask yourself if you are ready to shoulder any burdens they may have.
  • Find the positives. There are studies that show that negativity can make you ill, so why would you not try to turn your attitude to a positive side that might make you healthier. My best friend is slightly negative. I have tried to show him the power of positivity, and he tells me how mad it makes him when it works over and over. One of my favorite moments was when we had finished a race, and we were walking to our favorite diner that was across from the race. You could see how crowded it was, but as we came closer, I said, “We are going to get right in.” My friend looked at me as if I was crazy and said, “Yea, right.” We walked inside as two people stood up from the counter and left, leaving two seats available for us. My friend looked dumbfounded and said, “No way.” You have nothing to lose so give positivity a try.
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What The Parenting Books Don’t Tell You

When I was expecting my first child I read as many parenting books as I could because I wanted to be prepared. I didn’t know that nothing would prepare me for the beautiful, crazy way my life was about to change.

When my daughter was born and the sleepless nights began, I told the pediatrician that I needed help keeping her on a schedule. He looked at me and said, “Babies, don’t have schedules.” I was thinking, “but the book said they do. What other lies did they tell me?”

Here are a few of the many parts of parenthood that you won’t find in a book.

  • In the early years, you may find yourself wishing you could have five minutes to yourself, but when they are older you will wish they would spend five more minutes with you.
  • Parenting teaches you vital life skills like resiliency, flexibility, and mental strength.
  • You will have to make decisions for your child that are for her good instead of enabling her, and that can be hard.
  • You will feel fierce protectiveness and love like nothing you have known before.
  • Parenting will humble you. It’s difficult to look cool after a diaper blowout in a restaurant, or a nasty tantrum in the middle of the grocery store.
  • You will learn about strange childhood diseases like Roseola Virus that strikes around 18 months and comes with a high fever, a rash, and vomiting. There are some disgusting ones like pin worms which is when your child plays in the dirt and then puts his finger in his mouth, and suddenly there are white worms in his butt.
  • You understand the anxiety your parents went through when your child spends the night somewhere else.
  • You will learn sneaky ways to help your child do the right thing.
  • When your child does something wrong you will feel guilty and wonder if it was because you are a bad parent. Spoiler alert! You probably are not.
  • You will see parents who seem to parent effortlessly while you are on a daily struggle, but that parent is only better at hiding the mess.
  • The laughter of your children is beautiful music.
  • You will be able to tell that your child has a messy diaper from ten feet away.
  • What worked once to solve a problem, will not work a second time.
  • Your child will be an adult in a blink of an eye.

These are only a few of the many things you will encounter as a parent. It is a day-by-day learning experience and a beautiful ride.

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Should Age Determine Your Hairstyle?

Several years ago, a colleague told me she thought it was time to cut her hair shorter. Her hair fell just below her shoulder blades, and it was gorgeous. When I asked her why she wanted to cut her hair she told me she had noticed that older women’s hair seemed to thin and look messy and she wanted to avoid that. I didn’t agree with her observation, but I was even more surprised because she was only thirty-five. Another colleague mentioned she had short hair because her mother had told her that mature women should not have long hair, so I began to wonder if it was widely accepted that certain hair styles were age appropriate.

In the article, Age-Appropriate Hair, No Such Thing, the author says, “I think the whole idea of age-appropriate hair is a load of rubbish. If you get one of these cliche ‘age-appropriate’ haircuts, you end up LOOKING your age…and who the hell wants that? I am a firm believer in getting the style YOU want to get, not what the current trends, your hair stylist or magazines and society says you should have.  Of course, it’s good to stay current with your hairstyle but you should get a color and cut you love.”

I completely agree with this attitude. People are quick to judge no matter what our style is, so choose whatever makes you happy, and don’t worry about someone else’s opinion.

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Great Gifts for Free

When it is time to exchange gifts, we stress ourselves out trying to find what someone will like and that we can afford. We want to gift our loved ones without busting our budget, so what if I told you about 10 gifts you can give for free? Here they are.

A coupon book. Make coupons for services you can provide like babysitting, doing housework, helping with schoolwork, or making dinner. What can you do that someone else needs. Make a coupon for it.

Your time. So many people are lonely. They want to spend time with friends. Invite someone to go for a walk or come to dinner. Your time is a precious gift.

Prayer. I believe in the power of prayer and positive thinking, and praying for someone means you care and value that person.

Give compliments. We don’t gift people like this enough even though it is one of the easiest gifts to give. Tell someone you like an outfit, or that you admire something he has done. A compliment has the power to lift spirits.

Help someone. Clean a neighbor’s yard, bring someone food, ask what someone needs, and do what you can to help.

Volunteer. You won’t have any trouble finding organizations that need volunteers. You can serve food at a local mission, work for the church, offer to help at the library, or play with the dogs at the pound.

Have fun coming up with more gifts that are free. A great gift doesn’t have to be expensive.

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Encouragement for Parents

When my first child was born, I remember feeling terrorized. I was positive I wasn’t up to the job of being a good parent to this beautiful and tiny human. I had no idea what she would teach me about parenting, myself, and life. I didn’t know that I would have to feel every emotion, learn that saying no could teach valuable lessons, and that I would always question whether I was doing a good job. Parenting is tough and glorious at the same time. As parents, we need to help each other by offering our stories, wisdom, and encouragement. Here are a few bits of encouragement I would like to give you.

I would tell the parents of babies that you will eventually sleep through the night again. Be prepared for the first time the baby sleeps through the night because you won’t since you are sure something might be wrong. Enjoy those times when the baby falls asleep on your chest.

Your child is going to go through phases when life seems overwhelming, (being a toddler or teenager). Your child’s emotions and frustration might take over, so you need to keep your emotions in control, so your child feels like at least someone has control of the situation. It’s normal though to have a few tantrums of your own, so give yourself grace. Apologizing to your child is a teaching moment.   

There is not a perfect parent or parenting style so please do not compare yourself to other parents. You never know what burden the parent you emulate might be carrying. Do what works for you.

Ask for help whether that means having someone babysit so you can rest, or meeting with other moms.

Keep a sense of humor. Parenting is messy, so laughing at the crazy situations can make you feel better. Realize that everything does seem to go wrong at once, but at least you are getting it all out of the way!

Stay positive instead of only seeing burdens. Your child will be grown and gone before you know it, so enjoy every moment.

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10 Ways to Stay Out of Your Own Way

Do you tear yourself down better than anyone else? Do you not do something that you would love to do because you are afraid of failure? If you say yes you need to know that you are not alone, and that we often are the ones who hold ourselves back, but there are some ideas to help you stay out of your own way. Here are a few that I hope will help you.

Practice an I can attitude. When I was teaching, mastery in a subject was measured with I can statements. We can do the same in life. When you start to feel your self-esteem slipping, list all the things you can do. When you put your strengths on paper you start to realize that you are stronger than you think. Believing you can do something is the first step in achieving it.

Do an energy check. Ask yourself where you are spending your energy. Are there energy drainers in your life? Are there ways to eliminate them? Are there tasks that you can delegate to others? Remember a good leader delegates and guides instead of micromanaging. Do the same thing at home. When you give some of the responsibilities to others it will free up your time to do other things you enjoy.

Slow down. I am wired to always be doing something. I have trouble sitting down and resting because I feel guilty that I am not being productive. Everywhere I look though I see that rest and sleep are key to our general health. Slow down and enjoy your moments.

Drop your mask. Are you afraid to be yourself because others might not like what they see? Being transparent will set you free. People often are more comfortable when they know you have imperfections just like they do. Being someone you are not is exhausting, and will only hold you back.

Take risks. Is there something you would like to do but you worry about judgment if you fail? Bravery doesn’t mean not being afraid. It means you did something anyway even though you are afraid.

Don’t play the comparison game. Be grateful for your blessings and realize that imperfection is more interesting and involves inspirational stories. Imperfection also lies right below the surface of the people you emulate. You might not want to carry that person’s burdens.

Be your best friend. Change your self-talk to be only positive, and treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend.

Be a good listener. Most people are horrible listeners. We interrupt a speaker to insert our own story. Listening is a chance to learn, and it allows us to show empathy. Good communication means you have to listen.

Control your emotions. Releasing your emotions and expressing your feelings is important for our health, but allowing negative emotions to overwhelm us can cause issues for us. Fight frustration because it is wasted energy. Anger can cause issues. Walk away from the situation and breathe.

Movement is a must. You can choose any form of movement. Running for me is the ultimate healer. When I am running, I feel a sense of peace. I can work out problems and generate ideas.

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14 Ways to Improve Your Day

Have you had one of those days recently when you wake up on the wrong foot feeling like you need at least two more hours of sleep? I woke up like that today. I had a headache that was probably from a lack of caffeine, but my husband was in a hurry to go to the gym, so I grabbed a cup and sipped and sloshed out to the car where I realized the Sunday paper, I was looking forward to reading had not been delivered. After checking my phone, I was told it would be delivered tomorrow. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have as much free time on Monday to leisurely read the paper.  I was already in a rotten mood when my husband asked me what was on my agenda today. That simple question made me even grumpier as I realized I needed to go to grocery shop and vacuum when what I wanted to do was curl up and take a nap.

At that point in my silly pitty party I realized how ridiculous I was being and that I had the power to turn my day around. When I was teaching and a student came in under a storm cloud, I always said, “You are the only one who can turn this day around. Your choice.”  My day did get better because my attitude improved, and I used some strategies that I know work to improve your day. Let me share them with you.

Count your blessings. God has a way of helping me remember my blessings by putting people in front of me who make any struggle I think I’m having look small. This morning in the gym we started talking to a woman about running shoes, and the conversation switched to physical issues that were holding her back. We spoke with her for quite a while, and she seemed to be in better spirits when we left. There is always someone dealing with more than you are. Be thankful that your issues are not worse.

Ignore the negatives. When a day starts off with everything going wrong you have a choice to break under the negativity or keep moving forward without allowing the hiccups to upset you.

Look for the positives. Find some things you are looking forward to doing and pull the joy out of the situation.

Do something for someone else. We go to Waffle House every Sunday after the gym. A week ago, we noticed our waitress was very upset and stressed. She told us that she thought she would have to quit because of the way her tips were taxed. She was going to school from 9-5 and then working and she was having trouble affording the basics. I don’t have a lot of extra money, but I knew she could use some extra cash, so I sent her some extra on venmo. Today when we walked in, she asked if she could have a hug and then gave me a bear squeeze. It felt great to help someone who works so hard.  

Practice some self-care. I was having a low-energy day, so after all the responsibilities were taken care of, I took a nap. When I woke up I watched Netflix for awhile and I felt reenergized after that.

Find some peace. The best way to turn your day around is to find some quiet where you can regroup and breathe. It was misting today and very quiet outside. I swam in my pool and enjoyed the quiet while a gentle rain fell around me.  

Turn your phone off. Looking at social media, reading texts and e-mails can sometimes be draining. Take a break and clear your mind.

Take a minute and breathe. It is so easy to become emotional when everything goes wrong but take a moment and breathe before you react.

Use music to change your attitude. How many times have you seen music motivate people? When a great song comes on the whole vibe in the room can change. Make a bad day playlist and have it ready when a tough day comes along.

Dance in the kitchen. Some of my best memories are the times when my children needed amusing, and we turned on a song that no one can stay still to and we did crazy dances until we were out of breath.

Move your body. Movement can relieve stress and make you feel better. It gets your blood flowing and can clear your mind.

Play with a child or animal. Children and animals greet every day with joy. They run everywhere, want to play nonstop, but they also know the power of a good snuggle.

Create your corner. Have a space where you are surrounded by the things that bring you joy. That might mean photos, inspirational messages, notes, flowers, books, or anything else that lifts your spirits.

Call the crew. Laughter and community are great ways to lift your spirits. Surround yourself with people who can change your mood.

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Cold Water Therapy

I love trying new things in my quest for being as healthy as I can. Since I’m also 66, the attempts to stay healthy are even more important.

Anyone who jumped into a cold lake as a child knows How invigorating cold water swimming can be, but as I aged I preferred warmer water for my swims.

We were watching a show recently called Outside beyond the lens and they were in Scotland. They were talking about a group of locals who were taking a morning cold water swim. They mentioned the benefits involved with cold water therapy including reducing inflammation, and increasing blood flow, metabolism, and energy.

I decided to give it a try, so in late October I was still swimming in our pool. I didn’t think I would be able to do it because I hate being cold. What I discovered though was if I went in slowly and allowed my body to adjust, it made it easier. The initial whole body plunge was the most difficult and then you have to force yourself to stay in while your body adapts. The result is the coolest feeling! You actually feel as if you are warm from the inside out. I love the feeling when I come out because my skin tingles. I do have more energy after I come out, and it helps the inflammation I sometimes have in my feet as a runner

I hope you take the plunge!

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10 Ways to Calm Your Mind

When you look at the typical person’s life as the responsibilities of family and work pile up and the noise from the world around us demands our attention, finding a way to ease our mind and protect our mental health is crucial. Here are some ideas to try.

A daily disconnect.

Technology gives us a chance to be connected in wonderful ways, but sometimes we can be too connected. Social media is great to help us stay current with friends, family, and trends, but it can also stir up some negative thoughts and emotions. Watching the news consistently keeps us informed, but what we see and hear can weigh on us.

We all need some time to silence the noise. Turn off your phone, computer, and television, and listen to the silence. Consider also doing this when family and friends want to interact with you. Shut down the distractions.

Engage in activities you love.

Do you have an interest or activity that brings you peace? It could be crafting, gardening, knitting, reading, or any other activity you enjoy doing.

Sleep.

Whether it’s a nap under a soft blanket with your cat, or a peaceful night of bliss, sleep can restore both your mind and body.

Avoid doing anything that stimulates your mind at least an hour before you go to bed. Whatever provides you with a good sleep environment is what is right for you. I like my door open; the bathroom shades up to let in moonlight, but others like complete darkness and white noise.

Go outside

Nature is restorative. I always feel more energized after being outside. Sit on the porch and listen to what is happening around you. Forget about anything that you feel you need to resolve. It can wait.

Laugh

Laughter heals stress every time. I’m not sure why, but problems seem to dissolve with every chuckle.

Eat

Good food is joy, and it also lifts us up and makes us feel stronger.

Play with animals.

Animals can calm you, and make you wish you were more carefree like them. They love unconditionally, appreciate food, and love to play.

Move

When you move it releases some of the stress that can build up during the day. Movement can clear your head and help you get your blood pumping.

Run away.

There is a cartoon called Bluey, and in one episode the mom has gone to her room and shut the door while the dad entertains the children. Later, when the mom comes back the children ask her why she was in her room, and she answers, “Sometimes, you just need 20 minutes.” Truer words were never spoken. We are bombarded by so much that sometimes all that interaction becomes too much. We only need to retreat somewhere for a few minutes whether it’s to take a bath or sink under the covers to watch our favorite show.

Practice kindness.

When we help others, it gives us a good feeling and brings a sense of peace. Kindness is so easy too. You can listen to someone’s story, help them in some way, or offer some praise. Lifting someone’s spirit has far reaching effects.

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Ten Random Thoughts About Life

Do you ever reflect on the wisdom you have learned through the years and wish you could share it with others to help them avoid some of the struggles it took to gain that wisdom? I often think struggles are more important than wisdom though. Dealing with life’s curveballs makes you stronger, but I do think there are some points about life that are important to remember. Here is my list.

Find your roses. I ran a mentor program at my school and one of the first things I told the new teachers was to find the people they enjoyed being around. Look for people with positive attitudes who could lift them up and be there. The same is true in life. Don’t waste time with toxic people.

Control your thoughts. I can criticize myself better than anyone else and I am constantly reminding myself to change my thoughts and to be kinder to myself. If you can work on only having uplifting thoughts about yourself, you will see a difference.

See the possibilities. When I was a teacher, I admired our head of school because she never said no right away when you had an idea. She would ask why that idea should be implemented and how it could be done. She always looked for the possibilities instead of seeing something as impossible.

Shut out the noise. When I say noise, I mean anything that disturbs your peace. The noise could be judgment, social media, toxicity, the news, or negativity of any kind. Find moments everyday when you can sit in silence and regroup.

Do what soothes you. If you find joy in something, you should do it even if you are worried that others will judge you. Have fun!

Laugh. Laughter is healing for you and the people around you.

Create healthy boundaries. You have to let people know what is okay to do or say. You will have to do this with loved ones as well as colleagues and friends.

Rest. I had several heart rhythm issues (Afib) a few years ago. My doctor gave me every heart test out there, and nothing came back showing a reason for the issue. My doctor asked me, “How are you sleeping? Sleep is everything.” At the time, my sleep was fragmented because my husband was snoring so much. We resolved that problem, and I haven’t had an episode since then.  

Spend time with children and animals. Both children and animals love unconditionally, and they have the power to make us laugh. There can be two drops of dew on the grass in the morning, and my border collie will look like he jumped in the pool after playing and it makes me laugh every time.

Spread kindness like confetti. Everyone is dealing with a burden. Some people hide the issues, but they are still there. Kindness is always a good idea. You never know when a kind word or action is coming at the perfect time.