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The Art of Chaotic Gardening

Gardening is an activity I love to do, but my style of gardening is messy. I know many people who are afraid to try gardening because they don’t think they will be good at it, but anyone can do chaotic gardening. Let me show you how it works.

Each day my garden brings me joy while driving my husband crazy. He wants me to have organized rows that are a certain distance apart with pretty garden stakes telling you what is growing, but I enjoy doing gardening a different way.

When I enter my garden, I talk to my plants. If one is drooping, I give it a pep talk. If a section is growing well, I express my awe at their beauty. You might think this is crazy, but I saw a tomato plant come back from the brink after I spoke to it each day. While I’m working in the garden, I also sing, which I probably should not do because it is not one of my gifts, but the plants don’t seem to mind.

The chaos begins when I begin the planting. A few seeds usually slip out of my hands, so lettuce and carrots often end up growing in odd places, but it’s like finding a Christmas present that was left in the closet. It’s unexpected, but wonderful. I also often forget to label what I have planted, so last summer when some seeds turned into large stalks with beautiful flowers, I had to send a picture to a friend who told me it was okra. I had never eaten okra before, but I will tell you it is a very hardy plant.

I also plant vegetables I don’t like, but I do this to share with my community. Unfortunately, these are the vegetables that always grow the best. I can be seen making my rounds with bags of radishes, tomatoes, and peppers.

I become impatient if something doesn’t grow in a few weeks, so I replant something else. The problem with that is two completely different vegetables start growing in the same bed. It just makes gardening more interesting.

Chaotic gardening may be messy, but it takes the pressure off you to be perfect. Have fun in your garden. If something doesn’t work the first time, try again.

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The Unique Gift of The Marietta Artisan’s Market

If you are looking for a unique gift or some creative inspiration, The Marietta Artisan Market is the place to go. The Market is located on Mill Street, opposite the Farmer’s Market. The Artisan Market hosts a variety of local artists and the products of their creativity. You can wander through talking to the vendors, seeing what they have created, and buying some unique gifts for yourself as well as presents for others. Although each week there are a few different artists, here are a few of the artists you will meet.

When you first enter the market, you will be created warmly by Jack the artist. It is quickly evident by the quantity of his paintings that this is his passion. Stop and talk with him for a minute because Jack will make you feel as if you are a member of his family, and everyone can benefit from his warmth and kindness.  

As you move down the rows of tents, you will meet silversmith, Jessica Hain who creates silver sterling jewelry. I am amazed at the beautiful creations she makes. One of her rings was used in the show, Stranger Things. Jessica has told be several times she does not think she is creative, but all you have to do is look at her work to see what a gift she has. I am honored to have two of her rings.

A popular stop is with Justin, the comic creator for Mind Invader Comics. His characters all have ties to Cobb, and I love to hear him describe the latest adventures in his coloring books.  

Whimsy Blind Books is the spot for a blind date with a book. Samantha picks books and wraps them in a beautiful book cover, gives you a basic plot and the genre, but everything else is a mystery. It’s a great way to discover new books.

There are always several vendors of homemade jewelry like the Lavender Honey Company, Love Lindsey Co. and Angelic Jewelry.

Anayansi will wow you with her cascade journals and the beautiful products she creates from pull tabs. Her mother offers amazing products she has crocheted.

Bleu’s hues is an artist’s dream spot with interactive painting.

At the bottom of the market, you will find Tariq. He is high energy. I don’t think he ever stops moving. He is either shaking his gorgeous windchimes, rearranging his unique metal products, or offering veteran artist advice to the artists around him. It is worth your time to stop to chat.

After you have found your treasures, wander over to The Farmer’s Market to buy fresh produce and local products, grab a coffee at Cool Beans, and wander around the square.

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Essential Tips for Writers

Essential Tips to Help You as a Writer

The glory of being a writer is there are so many ways to find success by following the path that is right for you. There are, however, a few pieces of advice that are important for any writer. Let me share a few with you.

Keep learning.

No matter how long you have been writing, how many books you have written, or writing classes you have taken, there are always new things to learn. Pay attention to the writers who have found success and listen to what has worked for them. Keep trying new things to find out what works for you.

Be consistent.

When you build an audience, they want to hear from you, so keep them engaged with consistent content. Being consistent also means you are working regularly on improving your craft.

Be open to ideas.

My family and friends love to suggest ideas for my writing and some of them are great. Keep your eyes and ears open for even more ideas. Many of my ideas come from conversations, or something I heard or read in the media.

Realize the importance of contacts.

When I first started vending, the veteran venders told me to look beyond how many books I was selling, and realize I was making contacts and building a network. You never know when one of those contacts is going to open a door that will lead to your success. Enjoy interacting with new people. Have conversations that may lead to new adventures.

Make your writing a priority.

Until recently, I have not prioritized my writing. I took care of everything else first and started writing whenever everything else was done. I now make sure I am spending more time with my writing.

Block out the negativity.

As creatives, we tend to be sensitive, so negativity about our work can cut deep. When someone gives you negative feedback that doesn’t provide something that can make you better, forget it and move on. It’s only noise.

Know your worth.

When I first started writing, I did many articles for free because I wanted to build a portfolio. I no longer do that. Your writing is benefiting someone, and you don’t need to do it for free. You are worth payment for your work.

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Dealing with Doubt and Five Ways to Erase it

Are you plagued by doubt? Do you constantly replay situations in your head because you think you might have said or done something wrong? Do you doubt your abilities? Are you waiting for someone to tell you all the things you are doing wrong? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone, but doubt holds us back, and it is wasted energy, so here are 5 reminders of why you need to eliminate doubt from your life.

Reminder number one involves your doubt about whether you said something wrong to someone. I beat myself up mentally all the time because I worry that someone misunderstood what I said. The truth is that most people forget what you say five minutes after you say it because they are focused on their lives and the complicated responsibilities they need to handle. So many times, I have apologized for saying something, and the individual tells me he doesn’t remember me saying it.

Reminder number 2 is when you doubt your actions were perceived the way you intended. Instead of raising your anxiety level, communicate with the person involved and straighten out the situation, then carry on.

Reminder number 3 is when you felt you looked like a fool in a situation. Most of the time, people can relate to some hiccups. Everyone has had less than stellar moments. Learn to laugh at the failures. As a teacher, I had numerous moments where I wasn’t at my best, and I learned to laugh at them.

Reminder number 4 is to remember your positive attributes. When you start to doubt yourself, make a list of qualities and achievements you are proud of.

Reminder number 5 is if you allow doubt to stop you, you might not do something epic you will remember for the rest of your life.  

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Preparing for My Grandson’s Visits

I love every moment I spend with my grandson, but I discovered it is best to be prepared for his visits. Here are the preparations my husband and I do before every visit.

Childproof the house

This is actually more than making sure there isn’t anything out that could harm Parker. It includes putting away anything that we don’t want him to harm. My guitar is positioned behind the couch. (He still manages to squirm his way to it.) I remove any of the many articles from my desk that I don’t want twisted, thrown, or stuffed in a secret spot. I put away my cd player and remove the hand cream that will become Parker’s paint.

Stretch

At 65 and 66, our joints are a little creaky and Parker is in constant motion, so we have to be ready to run, lift, and throw.

Prepare food

Since he is so active, he is also very hungry, so we need to make all of his favorites. Right now, those favorites include peanut butter sandwiches, popsicles, and veggie chips.

Be creative

We do our best to stimulate his brain, so we invent games to keep him engaged. Unfortunately, all of these games require us to move….constantly.

Work together

If you parent alone you know that can be a challenge. Having a partner in crime means you can take turns and breaks.

Our visits come with some challenges, but we love every minute!

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What a Simple Text Can Do

Do you have a million things to do today? You probably don’t think you can fit one more thing in your day, but what if I told you a simple text, call, or visit could save a life? Would you see the value in taking time to reach out to someone?

So many people are struggling. The needs include help with mental health, finances, or physical issues. We can play a small part in making someone feel less alone, valued, and heard.

I spoke with a good friend yesterday. She had been on my mind all day, and the thought that I should reach out had been present. I always believe those thoughts are messages we should listen to. When I texted her, I quickly realized how bad her mental state was. She had taken a month off from work to find some balance because depression kept stealing her happiness. She felt that she didn’t have a purpose, she couldn’t find happiness, and she felt all alone.

You might think your friends and family will reach out if they need help, but they don’t want to be a burden, and they think you will perceive their struggles as complaining, so they suffer in silence. Even the ones who seem to have it all together need a check-in text. People can be very good at putting on a happy face when they are miserable. Check in regularly to find out where everyone is mentally.

When you send the text, you show that person he is not alone, he is valued. All you have to do is listen. A family member who was struggling with depression said, “You don’t know how much it means to know someone is there for me.”

Don’t wait until tomorrow or next week. Take a minute and reach out. You may be a lifeline.  

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Where is Your Power Going?

I am reading the book, Let Them by Mel Robbins. So far, I have found myself marking pages three times because I could relate so much to what she says. One of the things she mentions is how we give our power away so often. That made me reflect on what that meant, whether I am giving my power away without realizing it.

How do you define personal power? There are several possible sources of power. Your power could be your energy, as well as everything that affects your mental or physical health.

So, how could you be giving that power to someone or something? Here are a few examples. Do you try to solve everyone’s problems? That will drain your energy and raise your stress level. Allow others to work out their issues and they will learn valuable lessons in the process, and you can maintain your calm.

Do you get worked up about things you cannot control? This tends to happen when we spend too much time on social media with all the array of opinions. Shut out the noise when it becomes overwhelming and regain your peace.

Do you worry about everything and create a doomsday scenario? Worry is wasted energy. Wait to see what happens and take actions from there.

Are your thoughts healthy and uplifting, or do you tear yourself down? Belittling yourself even when you are joking steals your power. Draw some boundaries if someone is treating you badly. Realize your value.

Are you taking care of yourself? Staying healthy physically is necessary to be powerful.

Guard your power and don’t let others take it from you.

Ocean Sand, Bahamas by NASA Goddard Photo and Video is licensed under CC-BY 2.0
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The Challenging Years for Parents

All parents know that parenting is the toughest and most amazing adventure in the world, but there are certain years in a child’s life that are tougher that others for both the child and parents. I have three children who all struggled at the same ages, and now I am seeing the same thing happening with my grandson.

Before I shared my experience with my children, I did some research of the experts to see if what I experienced was common. Here are the ages that were a challenge for me and what the experts say.

Four

I heard everyone talking about the terrible twos, but the first challenge for me came when my daughter turned four. She became bossy and demanding. She wanted to tell us what to do, and if we said no, her frustration turned into tantrums. My daughter is experiencing the same thing with her son. She felt better when I told her he was testing the limits to see who was in control and how much power he had at his disposal. I told her she should stay calm but set boundaries for the behavior because knowing someone else was in control would make him feel safer.

Alanna Gallo, an education and parenting expert and the founder of Play Learn Thrive says, “They’re still working on regulating their emotions, so tantrums and aggression are normal. It’s an emotional roller coaster, and their outburst signal they need more connection and coregulation.”

Mayra Mendez, a licensed psychotherapist says, “It’s part of the social-learning and individuation process. They are learning how to engage in collaborative exchanges, problem-solve, and learn conflict resolution.’

Eight

According to Parents magazine, 8 is the most difficult age for parents. Do you remember being 8? I do. I remember feeling lost. I wasn’t sure what my identity was. Here is what Parents says, “It does make sense why 8 can be a tough age: Eight is officially a big kid. Eight is personality and autonomy and attitude that still wants to end the day with a snuggle and hug. Eight is the body prepping for puberty and the hormones that go with it.”

Thirteen

When each of my children turned 13, I prepared myself for two personalities in one body. If 8 is prepping for puberty, 13 is being smack in the middle of it.

“Although 13-year-olds are starting to have a more concrete thinking style, their brains are still developing,” says Florencia Segura, FAAP, a pediatrician with Einstein Pediatrics in the Washington D.C. metro area. “They also tend to be very self-conscious at this age and have a tendency to believe they are the center of attention. If they have a pimple, then everyone is looking at it.”

17

This was the age that my older two children were the most difficult for me to parent. Here is what the magazine Parents says about parenting a 17-year-old.

“For the most part, 17-year-old’s moods are calmer than they were in earlier teen years. This is due to fewer hormonal shifts and an increased sense of control. But that does not mean teens will not struggle with their emotions when they face a big problem. Whether they are dealing with a broken heart or a college rejection letter, many 17-year-olds are dealing with adult-sized problems for the first time. The parent-teen relationship may shift a little during this age as well. For some, that may mean growing apart from their parents as they gain independence, but for others, it may growing closer to their parents as their desire to be rebellious fades away. Either way, keep the lines of communication open and offer support and encouragement as needed.

Let your teen know that it is okay to make mistakes. In fact, you want them to make mistakes that are not life-threatening or catastrophic. Instead of being a helicopter parent or a snowplow, ask them what they learned from their mistake or poor choice.”

Parenting is a learning experience and a continual adventure. Do the best you can and act in love.

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Your Mental Responsabilities

Everywhere we look there are messages about our physical health. We are told repeatedly that it’s our responsibility to exercise and eat well to maintain our heath. The component that is missing though is our mental health, which can be considered the control center for everything else. We need to take responsibility for maintaining a mind that is calm, strong, engaged, and creative, but with all the noise and roadblocks that are thrown at us, taking responsibility for our mental health can be a struggle. Here are a few ideas that might help with the battle.

Don’t be reactionary

Social media is a powerful resource, but you need to use it wisely. I enjoy connecting with family and friends and I have found inspirational quotes when I needed them the most. Unfortunately, it can be harmful to your mental health. I can waste too much time reading and watching reels when I need to be doing something productive, but the real harm comes from your reactions to people’s posts.

You don’t have to scroll very far before you find a post that inflames your spirit. The good news is though, it’s not your responsibility to respond to everyone’s opinion and the best way to show your displeasure is to ignore it and save yourself any drama and rising blood pressure. Let it rest right where it is without giving it the attention that someone is seeking.

Realize you don’t have to solve every problem

There is so much emotional need around us that we can feel overwhelmed with other people’s issues, but we don’t have to solve them. We can empathize and show support but allow others to own their issues.

Use silence to heal

Silence is powerful. We can use it to recharge, and reset, but it is also a great tool to use in relationships. Instead of filling in the gaps in a conversation, stay silent. Watch what the other person does. I have found out so much information by not talking and it saves energy.

Run away

If you feel things deeply you might need to escape from time to time. You can run away by doing something you love or finding a quiet spot where you can be alone. I literally run away. Running has kept me sane most of my life because I imagine leaving the problems behind me as I run. Movement also clears my head.

Lose yourself

Do something you love where you can lose yourself completely in that activity without having to think of other things. Some examples would be reading, music, movies, and any form of art.

Stimulate your mind

We all want to keep our minds sharp so do something new that makes your brain work harder. Two examples would be learning to play an instrument or learning a foreign language.

Walk away from negativity, drama, and toxicity

Any of these three will do you harm mentally. They are head games that will exhaust you mentally. Don’t hesitate to draw boundaries with these and let people know you don’t want to play. Last weekend, I was at a vendor event selling my books. It’s common to visit other booths, but when I walked to the booth next to me, the vendor started telling me everything that was wrong with the event. He was criticizing the organizer and doing it loudly enough for her to hear. I turned and walked away without replying. The next day we were at another event together. He apologized to be and said that sometimes he gets grouchy.  

Tend to your thoughts

Your thoughts have power over you. It is harmful If you allow the voices to creep in that beat up your self-esteem. I read this quote today from Bruce Lee.

“Don’t speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn’t know the difference. Words are energy and they cast spells, that’s why it is called spelling. Change the way you speak about yourself, and you can change your life.”

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Enemies of Your Writing

Being a writer can be a battle sometimes. Successful writing doesn’t happen with a flick of the pen. It involves a myriad of factors that often seem to be working against us. We need to find ways to fight against what can stand in the way of our best writing. Here are a few of the enemies of writers that we must vanquish.

Self-doubt

I know I am not the only writer who questions my ability as a writer. I am my harshest critic even though I have written six books. The negative thoughts creep in and catch us unaware. They whisper that our writing isn’t good enough, no one will want to read it, and we are wasting our time.

There are ways to fight these enemies. When those thoughts sneak in, remember your accomplishments. Set goals and celebrate achieving them. When someone sends you a kind note, or writes a nice review, keep them and on the tough days pull them out and read them.

Even though anxiety and doubt make it hard to step out of your comfort zone and market your writing, do it anyways. Realize that you are making connections and learning more about your craft.  

Haters

Unfortunately, haters are gonna hate, but what we need to remember is that hate isn’t really about our writing. It’s because the hater wants to stir the drama pot and grab the spotlight for a minute. I encourage you not to engage them because it doesn’t matter what they think, and they hate being ignored, so it is a great way to deal with them.

I am grateful that I learned early that hate from haters isn’t personal. I wrote an article about the tradition of Christmas lights. The comments that the article generated ranged from racist comments about needing the lights to make sure the blacks were not stealing to political rants that had nothing to do with Christmas lights. Those comments made me realize that I should not respond to the haters.  

Naysayers

Naysayers are nicer than haters, but their words can hurt as much as the words of a hater because they often are people close to us. They are the ones who don’t believe your dreams are possible. I taught for 40 years, and I was always trying to fit in time to write, but teaching was all consuming. At one point, I told my husband I wanted to take a year off to see if I could make writing a full-time career. He became angry and said, “I want to be a professional golfer, but that isn’t going to happen either.” Instead of letting that comment crush me I let it fuel my motivation. There was a long period of time when my family didn’t read anything I wrote. They weren’t trying to be mean; they thought writing was a hobby for me like playing the guitar. When I retired and threw myself into writing they realized what a passion it is for me.

Don’t let anyone stomp on your dreams. If you are passionate about writing don’t allow the naysayers to pull you down.

Priorities

Make writing a priority. We sometimes do everything else first because we feel we have to take care of our responsibilities before we do what fills us up. Find the time of the day and the place that is most conducive to writing and make it a priority to write then.

Distraction

Can you write in the middle of chaos? Some people can. I need quiet to write well. If there are too many distractions in your house, go somewhere like a coffee house or a library where you can work without the distractions.

Time

Do you run out of time during the day to write? Schedule your writing each day and then stick to that schedule. Your writing time is as important as any of your other responsibilities.

Energy

Scheduling your writing into your day will help guard your energy. If you wait to do it at a low energy time you will not be productive. Find some ways to stay high energy. Write for an hour and then move around and reenergize.

The enemies to our writing will always be out there, but we have the tools to be victorious in our quest for writing success.