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10 Ways to Clean up Your Life
I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have something that needs to be improved. Small changes can have huge impacts on our lives, but we cannot make those changes until we realize a change is necessary, so start with reflection. What changes would make your life better? Make some simple goals to start on the path to cleaning up your life.
Here are 10 ideas to clean up a few areas of life that might need some tweaking.
Guard your peace. Are you a people pleaser like me? I have been working hard on reforming this area of my life. I have spent too much time trying to solve drama and problems while worrying about hurt feelings. Now I do my best to allow people to own their issues. I am much calmer and peaceful. You can choose for people to do drama on their own.
Do something new. We need a change and a reset from time to time. Do something new that will stimulate your mind and help you meet new people.
Practice self-care. Taking good care of yourself affects everything else you do. You can’t be happy and productive if you don’t feel well.
Find your people. We all need a few good people who support us and make us laugh. Choose wisely.
Do your impossible. Is there something you have always wanted to do, but you are afraid of judgment or failure? Do it anyways. When you succeed it will be so cool.
Move your body. Movement is important for both mental and physical health. Movement can help with stress and health in general.
Rest well. I had to see a cardiologist 2 years ago and the first question he asked was how well I slept. He told me our quality of sleep affects everything.
Remove the toxic. I made an effort last year to eliminate people and things that were toxic to me and the change has been amazing. You cannot always eliminate all the toxic people in your life, but you can spend as little time as possible with them.
Do something for someone else. Whenever you are feeling low, doing something for someone else can make you feel better.
Make some goals. We can motivate ourselves to improve if we make a plan for what we want to do.
10 Easy Ways to Write Your Book
There are three distinct parts to writing a book. Those parts are the before (preparation), during (the actual writing), and the after (editing, publishing, and marketing). After writing six books I will tell you that each part was an adventure and a huge learning experience. Instead of focusing on the mistakes you make in the process, enjoy the chance to learn and improve your craft. One of the things I love about writing is there are many different ways to be successful. I’d like to share what has worked for me while telling you to adapt the advice to fit your writing. Here are eleven steps that I hope will help you.
- Conquer fear and crush excuses. Writers can be paralyzed because they don’t know where to begin. The questions outweigh the answers as the writers try to figure out how to be successful. Fear will keep you from taking that first step. Don’t allow it to kill your dreams.
Excuses are manifestations of fear. Phrases like “I don’t have time.” “I’m not good enough why should I bother?” “Who is going to read my writing?” are all ways to avoid stepping out of your comfort zone and possibly failing. What you might not realize is failure makes you better. Your glorious journey can’t start until you kick the excuses to the curb. Are you ready?
- Choose the type of book you will write. Do you want to write a children’s book, a romance, science fiction, self-help, or something else. There are so many choices so choose the one that you feel passionate about.
Once you have chosen your type of book, research the rules about that genre. What is the average word count, themes, and other common elements?
- Determine the why. Why do you want to write this book. I had a clear why for each book I have written so far, and that why helped me to stay focused. I wrote my self-help book, 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden because I saw so many people struggling with mental health. I wanted to write a book with quick bits of encouragement and inspiration. What is your why?
- Make an outline. What are the important elements of what you want to say? Make those chapters. When I wrote a teacher’s guide, I made an outline out of all the challenges I thought teachers faced on a daily basis, and I gave them strategies to overcome those challenges.
- Write! I was reading a great book on writing called Writing Down the Bones. The author said that at some point everyone needed to put the book down and start writing. Don’t worry about your writing being perfect at first. You can go back and edit. Write down your bones and then mold it like a piece of clay later.
- Edit. Do this over and over. Use Grammarly. Ask friends to look for mistakes and
consider hiring a professional editor. Don’t expect your publishing house to clean up a mess.
- Choose a killer title. Your title is key because it will catch the reader’s attention. Search online for some title ideas.
- Write a query. Your query should convince your publisher that you are a good choice as a writer. Include your book’s word count, a synopsis, why your book is unique and attractive to readers, and write a short biography to show your writing experience. Check for writer’s guidelines to know exactly what a publisher requires.
- Search for publishers. You should not accept a contract without researching a publisher first. Not all publishers will be a good fit for you. I use several books to search for publishers. The ones I use are The Writer’s Market, The Writer’s and Artist’s Yearbook, Writer’s Handbook, and The Christian Writer’s Market.
- Spread the word. Once your book is published you have to market it. You can do this through social media, vendor events, podcasts, book signings, and book readings.
Do You Have an Abusive Relationship with Your Mind? Is it Time to Break Free?
Our minds and bodies need to work as partners to insure optimum health, but in order for that to happen we have to make a constant effort to keep them in balance. Unfortunately, we often develop an unhealthy abusive relationship with either our mind or body, and we suffer as a result. If you are in an abusive relationship with your mind, your body will also suffer, so let’s look at some of the signs that show you might be in that type of relationship with your mind.
- You are self-deprecating. This is a fancy way to say you are mean to yourself. If you hear yourself saying you can never do anything right, you are an idiot, you don’t have any friends, and any other negative thoughts that tear you down, your relationship with your mind is unhealthy. When you think or say something enough it becomes your reality. If you don’t believe in yourself, you won’t have the confidence to step out of your comfort zone and do new things. I have done this for many years, but I have made strides on changing my thoughts so here are a few ideas that have worked for me to change how your mind treats you.
- Bannish the negative thoughts. This is not an easy task. You have to be vigilant and focus on changing your negative thoughts to positive ones. Make a list of easy ones to use. Instead of saying you are not capable of doing something, switch to a growth mentality where you might not be able to do something yet, but you see the possibilities.
- Know your worth. When you are depressed and feeling less than, make a list of what makes you special. Here are some examples.
I’m a mother/father I speak 2 languages I have a degree I’m kind
I know how to________ I can teach someone to_________
Don’t think of it as bragging. This is your armor for those days when life seems rougher than usual. Start saying the list in your head and say it proudly. What other people think of you doesn’t matter because you have value.
- Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is being aware of how you feel and think. It helps you respond differently to situations.
- Shift your focus. Shift your focus from limiting beliefs to empowering ones.
- You are not practicing self-care. Are you the last one you care for? Are you often stressed and frazzled? Are you ill more than you should be? Do you have trouble sleeping? All of these ailments are signals that your mind and body are not working together.
Feeling stressed, not having enough rest, and being in a constant state of chaos can make you ill. Thankfully, if you can find balance again, the mind also has the power to heal the body. Here are a few activities to take better care of yourself.
- Practice relaxation breathing techniques.
- Use guided imagery and visualization to imagine calm and success.
- Go for a walk.
- Do some creative activities.
- Daydream
- Eat well.
- Rest.
You feel hopeless and lost. You don’t feel like you have a purpose. Negative emotions like fear are holding you hostage. You can only see the impossible.
Fear is a dream killer. We are all afraid sometimes, but if you can do things anyway, life becomes more of an adventure. Start using your positive thinking to run toward success. Have a list of positive affirmations where you state what you will accomplish. Keep a journal where you right down 3 gains each week. Set goals. Embrace your mistakes because that’s when you learn the most. Have an abundant mindset.
You feel battle weary. You are tired of being judged and dealing with toxic people. You want to be left alone and invisible. You don’t want to fight anymore.
Although I understand these feelings, giving up and hiding isn’t living, but there are some ways to make interactions with people easier to navigate. Here are a few ideas.
- Match hatefulness with kindness as often as you can. The hatefulness usually comes from a place of hurt, so I try to understand what burden the person might be carrying. Your calmness and kindness might be a lesson for someone. I also know that most mean people hate it when they don’t cause a reaction.
- Spend as little time as possible with anything toxic to you. You cannot always avoid a co-worker or a family member but do what you can to limit your time with that person.
- Take some time everyday to find some quiet. I love sitting on the porch and listening to the neighborhood or looking at online videos. Do something that does not require you to think.
I hope these ideas have shed some light on the possibility of an abusive relationship with your mind, and the chance to repair that relationship.
Proof of Positivity/Stories to Prove the Power
I would love to think those who know me would trust what I say is true, but I have worked hard at convincing my students, friends, and family what positivity can do in their lives. Now that they have proof, I enjoy hearing them tell others what positivity can do. You have heard all the talk about the power of positivity, but you may need proof as well, so I am offering these stories to show you what I have seen positivity do.
The first time I heard about positivity was at a teacher’s conference when the speaker was speaking about the power of our mind. He said, “If you think you can, you will, if you think you can’t, you won’t.” He went into more detail explaining how powerful our thoughts were. He explained that thoughts have energy that can shape what happens to us. He showed us a demonstration with a volunteer. He told the volunteer to hold out his arm to the side shoulder level while repeating, “I will not drop my arm.” He told the volunteer he was going to put pressure on the arm to push the arm down, but the volunteer should resist. When the speaker pushed the arm, he could not push it down. He then told the volunteer to say, “I can’t hold my arm up.” This time, the arm dropped immediately. If you think the arm dropped because it was tired, you can reverse the positive and the negative examples.
I started doing the exercise at the beginning of each school year, and I loved seeing the students’ expressions when the arm dropped. One boy said, “What magic is this?” I taught him for 3 years and each year he volunteered to do the experiment. Each time he would say, “Madame, it’s not going to work this time, but it did. I wanted the students to consider changing negative thoughts to consider the possibilities
The most fun moment with my students was with my French A.P. class which was the last period of the day. One day they were all hungry, so I said, “I’m going into the teacher’s lounge and there is going to be a huge pizza on the table. (Anything on the table was for anyone to have.) I walked in and there it was! There was a huge box of pizza from a lunch activity. I walked back into the room laughing. The students couldn’t believe it. One more proof of the power of positivity.
My family saw the proof after numerous times when we drove to restaurants that were clearly very busy. I would always say, “We are going to get seated right away.” At first, the response was negative with reactions like, “Right! That’s not going to happen.” After the third or fourth time, they started to believe, but they are still surprised sometimes when it seems impossible, places open up for us. We recently walked into a Longhorn where the waiting room was packed. The hostess said, “Oh, a table for four just opened up.” My daughter’s boyfriend whispered, “How did that happen?” I smiled.
There are different forms of positivity. Prayers have powerful positive energy. My sister survived a bout of breast cancer and five years later, she was going for a biopsy because her doctor had found another lump. She told me if the lump was cancerous she was going to refuse treatment. I asked my prayer warriors to pray for the lump to not be cancerous. The next day I called my sister to ask how the biopsy had been. I was surprised she was angry. She said, “Jen, they didn’t do it. The tech said he wanted to do another scan, and it didn’t show anything. She was angry because she was sure her doctor would send her back for the biopsy. The doctor also no longer saw the lump. I couldn’t believe that not only was the lump not cancer, but it also no longer existed. I believe it was because of the prayers.
I have many other stories, but I hope this is enough to convince you to give positivity a try.
Life Lessons Learned from 40 Years of Teaching
I had no idea what a wild ride teaching would be for me. It allowed me to travel the world, develop life-long friendships, and learn life-changing lessons. I hope I was able to teach my children half as much as what they taught me. Here are a few of the life lessons I learned.
Respect is so important. At the beginning of each school year, I spoke with my students about what my expectations were. In that conversation I mentioned how important respect was to me. I told them I would show them respect and I expected the same in return. Respect means to me that you see the value in someone. You appreciate who they are and how the person behaves, and what the person does to help you.
Everyone wants to feel valued, and respect is a step in that direction.
Never give up on someone. I remember working so hard with one boy, but he couldn’t seem to understand the concepts I was showing him. His final exam would determine whether he passed or failed, and I was worried about him. He told me before the exam he had studied everything, and he thought he was ready. As I graded his exam, I realized that something had clicked for him. He passed! You never know when someone is a blink away from success.
Relationships are key. I realized that relationships were more important than my material when I was teaching in Massachusetts at a boarding school. The connections I made there with students continue today and are more important to me than how much of my subject they remember.
Relationships mean memories. At my last school, I held a Christmas dinner at school for all the families and students in the French program. It was a chance for everyone to come together as a family, and the memories from those events will always make me smile. One night, a family brought a small piano and after dinner, we played and sang Christmas carols.
I also enjoyed cleaning up after dinner. After all the chaos of the dinner, it was nice to have some quiet. The janitor, Daniel, would help me carry the dirty dishes to the teacher’s lounge, and he helped me wash them and put them away. It was always so pleasant to spend that time with him.
Positivity can change an outcome. On the first day of school, I always spoke with my students about the power of positivity. I told them they needed to stop saying things like, “I’ll probably fail.” They needed to use positive phrases. I had a demonstration using positivity and negativity that was always effective. I continued to show them what positivity could do throughout the year, but the best moment was in my fourth period A.P. class when everyone was hungry. I said, “I’m going to walk into the teacher’s lounge and there is going to be a huge pizza sitting there. (Anything out on the table was for sharing.) I walked into the lounge and there was a huge pizza. I walked back into my room laughing to shouts of, “No way!”
Be an encourager. Everyone needs a cheerleader. Lift people up with encouraging words or a smile. The effect can be amazing.
Keep a sense of humor. There are days when it seems as if nothing is going right. Those are the days you should laugh and hope that things change for the better. It doesn’t do any good to let the hard moments pull you down. If you can laugh in the middle of a mess you might teach someone else to do the same and it is a valuable skill to know.
Be kind. You have no idea what burden someone is carrying, so give some grace when someone acts a little off and offer help when you can. At my last school, we were allowed to pray with our students, so I always asked for prayer requests before we started. That allowed me to see if someone was struggling and why.
Find your marigolds. We all need a few people we know we can count on to be kind and to be on our side. Those are your marigolds, and they are precious.
Teach more than your subject. Life is so much more than how well someone can memorize facts. Students are watching you as a role model. You have the power to teach some valuable lessons about being a good human being.
Be a safe haven. I received two compliments which I value above all else because they told me that I was accomplishing something that was very important to me. The first was from a sub who sat in my class until I had to leave for a dentist appointment. The next day she was at lunch, and she said, “I have never felt such a presence of God in a classroom before.” The second was last year when a former student went to dinner with me and said, “You were a safe haven for so many of us.” Those two comments mean the world to me because I think everyone needs a safe place to land.
Don’t strive for balance. Maybe someone has figured out how to balance a full-time job and a family, but we were living in chaos most of the time, but it was a happy chaos. If your house is messy and your laundry isn’t always done, give yourself grace.
Ask for help. Delegate some tasks to others and ask for help when you are overwhelmed.
Accept different perceptions. People see things differently and need different approaches to understand certain things. Try to accept those different views.
Have fun. Probably the most important point is to have fun with what you do. Enjoy the moments.
The Glory of a Snowday
Do you remember when you were little and the excitement when it snowed? I grew up in the Berkshire mountains where New York, Massachusetts, and Connecticut have a common boundary. When I was small, we used to have huge snowstorms. I would be outside with the neighborhood children building forts, making snowmen, and engaging in ruthless snowball fights. I have loved snow all my life.
When I became a teacher, I loved snow days because not only was there snow, but it also meant I had a day off. When I had children, I could show them all the exciting activities that went with snow. We lived in North Georgia for a while, and the school had a huge hill in the front that was perfect for sledding.
I am now retired and since we live near Atlanta, snow days are rare and more precious. Today was a snow day! We had ample warning to stand in line at the grocery store to stock up on provisions. At 7 a.m., my phone woke me with a message from my youngest that said, “Mom, it snowed!” We agreed to send each other snow pictures. The other two children sent messages and photos right after that. Since all my children have their own houses now, I had to borrow the neighbor’s children to have an excuse to have a snowball fight and build snowmen. The dogs were running, children were laughing, and there was that peacefulness that comes when large, puffy flakes are swirling around you.
We all have so many responsibilities and life can be a little crazy sometimes, so enjoy those moments like the ones that come with a snow day.
3 Ways to Be Happier
The key to happiness doesn’t have to be complicated. What if I told you that you would be happier if you followed three easy steps? You have nothing to lose by trying them and everything to gain.
Don’t rely on others for your joy. You will continue to be disappointed if you are expecting others to bring you joy. Worrying about what others think of you, or always stressing over whether you have offended someone will destroy your happiness. When you start to make your own joy and allow others to own their issues, you will feel a shift. It’s the beginning of emotional freedom.
Be fearless. You know all those things you have wanted to do? You should go do them. Don’t worry about judgement or the possibility of failure. Find the joy in the adventure.
Build your community. Don’t spend another moment surrounded by people you don’t enjoy. If someone is toxic to you, spend as little time as possible with him. Find people who make you laugh and who enjoy the same things you do.
Imagine how much happier you could be if you practice these three things. What are you waiting for?
Parenting with the Outcome in Mind
As a parent of three, I remember parenting can often feel like a focus on mere survival, but the small attempts at being the best parent you can be, can make a huge difference in the person your children become. Use the resources you have to give your children a chance to build memories and ask yourself what outcome you are hoping for when your children become adults.
When each of my children was born, I prayed they would be good people. I wanted them to be kind and thoughtful, but I also wanted them to know how to stand up for themselves. I enrolled two of them in karate to teach them self-defense and discipline. My oldest daughter was tough enough without the class!
Making traditions has always been important to me, and I love it when my children carry on those traditions with their families. All three children understand the importance of family time. They know how to enjoy those sweet moments together.
Children need to be around other children, so think about enrolling them in free classes where they can interact. We sent ours to soccer camp where we watched a herd of children run from one side to the other. We also sent them to art camp and an outdoor adventure camp.
As a French teacher, I was expected to organize student trips to France, so I took my children with me. I wanted them to become global citizens. If you can afford travel, it is an amazing educational experience to teach about other cultures and perceptions.
Consider communicating with them about social media before they are allowed to use it. After they start to use it, continue to keep the communication channels open.
Teach your children how to interact with others by modeling it for them. Teach them to be servant leaders.
Decide what else you want your children to learn from you, and continue to do your best in survival mode.
Book two in the Parker John Series is Released
The second book in the Parker John series was released right after Christmas and is available online at Amazon, Barnes, Books-a-million, Thrift Books, and Goodreads. This book describes the bond between Parker and his grandfather. The love that the two share is wonderful to see.
This is a book that grandparents can relate to since a grandparent’s relationship with a grandchild is so special. I hope you will pick up a copy to see a great story of love.
Jennifer’s writing 