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Why My Husband’s Driving Terrifies Me

I am blessed to be married to an amazing man. My one complaint is that his driving terrifies me. Let me give you some detailed description about what I mean.

The need to observe his surroundings. When I drive, I am hyper focused to what is happening in front, behind, and to the side of me, but I am watching the other drivers because there are some other crazy drivers out there like my husband.

My husband is unfocused. He looks to the right or left and can be distracted by anything. When I wish he was paying attention to the road, he is looking at the new construction and wondering what it will be. We have run over curbs and veered towards the bushes because of his curiosity.

He feels the need for eye contact. He is a wonderful storyteller, but even while driving, he feels the need to make eye contact with me. No matter how many times I ask him to please look at the road, he still turns to me and continues the story.  

He misses important signals. My husband becomes so lost in thought that he sometimes doesn’t notice a light is red, or he slows down when it’s green. He moves through stop signs without even a pause, and he has cut more than one person off without meaning to.

Parking is an issue. My husband can’t just pull into a parking lot and park. He needs to find the perfect parking spot. He will drive around, start to pull in, decide that it’s not a good one, and continue this several times. It is maddening.

He plays chicken while turning. He will turn in when a car is coming, but he slows down as if he wants to scare the other driver, but the only one it scares is me!

He looks at his phone/watch. I am already a nervous wreck on the highway but it’s worse when I see my husband looking at his phone or watch.

He waits too long to get gas. He will tell me not to worry when the gas light comes on. He has had to walk to a gas station more than once.

Whiplash acceleration. Even though he has had his car for two years, he cannot seem to get a feel for the accelerator, and I often think I will suffer whiplash.

I am grateful for my husband and everything he does for me, but please pray for me and my time in the car with him!

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Staying Alive After 55

Everyone handles the aging process differently, but I hear most people begin to complain about aging around the age of fifty. It’s true that as we age, we have to pay more attention to our health and appearance, but it is all manageable if we follow a few rules.

Keep moving

The expression “move it or lose it” is true. Movement keeps your body healthy by reducing stress and blood pressure, and it keeps you from sitting on the couch too long. If you take classes, join a gym, or go to races, it can also provide a chance to meet more people.

Sleep

At one of my doctor’s visits, he asked me how well I slept. I told him my sleep was fragmented because my husband snored. He said that sleep quality influences our health in every way.

Everyone has different ways of sleeping well. I like leaving the shade open to let in the moonlight, and my husband wants it pitch black. Find the conditions that work for you and start to wind down about an hour before bed. Once you are in bed make an effort to let your mind go blank. Don’t start thinking about how you are going to solve the drama du jour at the office.

Clean eating

This is harder than it should be because there are so many additives in our food. Start reading food labels. The first ingredient on the list is the highest content. Eat Fresh food as much as possible. I started a garden, so my family would be able to have fresh produce.

Stretch

When I strained my knee, one of the first things the physical therapist told me was I had to start stretching. Staying flexible and loose as you age can make a big difference.

Community

Don’t isolate yourself because we need each other. Find communities that have similar interests with you. I started running races and now the majority of my friends are runners. It helps to know you are part of a group.

Try something new

Doing new things will stimulate and strengthen your brain. You could learn to play a musical instrument or a new language or craft.

Interests

Explore something new that will make you come out of the house. Do you like to cook, hike, bike, swim, craft? Have a variety of interests you can enjoy.

Manage stress

Stress is a killer. It is also a waste of time because half the time that you are worried about something, it doesn’t happen. Practice deep breath for calming, do things you love that relax you, and break things down into smaller tasks.

Manage your health

Go to your regular check-ups. I hate going to the dentist, but I go because I know how important it is.

Guard your energy and peace

Don’t let other people’s drama get in your way. Let people own their problems. You can empathize, but you don’t have to solve them. Stay calm. Step away from a situation when you feel your emotions taking over.

Aging is not always easy but it is better when you have a sense of humor and you do your best to be as strong as you can.

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Making an Ultra Easier

I know using easy and ultra in the same sentence might seem strange, but I hope you will trust me when I say there are some things you can do to make mileage beyond 26.2 manageable. Here are a few ideas to try.

Make a goal. I met a fascinating man named Truman at my last ultra. Truman has done an ultra in each state and on each continent. He then decided to conquer the ultras, and he has done a number of 100 milers. He told me, “If you are going to do 100 miles, you have to go into the race knowing there will be a lot of discomfort. You have to be strong enough mentally.

Your goal doesn’t have to be 100 miles. It could be anything, but it helps to go in with expectations of what you would like to do. I have a friend who decides how many miles she wants to do and then she figures out how many miles she has to cover and by when. She always enters the race with a plan.

Being prepared with some expectations can help but also be flexible about changing the goal to fit changing circumstances. You never know what might happen, so be prepared to pivot.

Try everything out before race day.

Don’t wear new clothing or new shoes on race day. Wear clothing and shoes you know will be comfortable.

Go out on practice runs and try electrolytes you will use during the race. Experiment with food. What can you eat that won’t upset your stomach while exercising?

Bring several pairs of shoes

At some point, your feet will become sore, and you might feel blisters forming. Stop and rub your feet with Vaseline, change your socks and shoes and you will be amazed how good your feet feel.

The cooler is a game-changer

Fill your cooler with your drinks and then ice, then add some of these suggestions that will help you in your race.

  • Put several cooling towels in a plastic bag and put it in the cooler. This will keep it cool, but the ice won’t stick to it.
  • Buy a water spritzer or facial spray and keep it in the cooler.
  • Put the sunscreen in the cooler.
  • Bring plastic bags so you can put ice in them and put them under your hat.
  • Keep sponges in the cooler to cool off.

The power of peppermint oil

If you have a headache on race day, you can skip the Tylenol by dabbing some peppermint oil on your temples. Put a small amount near your nose to clear congestion.

Fueling

An easy approach to fueling is to ingest calories every hour. Drink electrolytes as well as water and other fluids.

Be prepared for anything

I went to one ultra where the forecast was mostly cloudy, but a mile into the run, the skies opened up and the thunder and lightening began. I now bring a rain shell no matter what the weather report says.

At another race, it was pouring. I was prepared for that, but I was not prepared for the six wasp stings I had after stepping on the mud wasp’s nest. I always have cortisone cream now.

Ask yourself, “What could possibly happen?” then prepare for that.

Care for your feet

If you feel any discomfort with your feet, take care of it before it becomes an issue. Experiment with finding shoes that can go the distance. Consider reading a great book called Fixing Your Feet. There are some great suggestions.

A few more things

Spread Vaseline anywhere you might chafe.

Update your sunscreen application regularly.    

Wipes and tissues are always a good idea.

Sports tape can support an ache.

Doing an ultra is a balancing act. You have to pay attention to how you feel, and push hard enough, but not too hard, but the end result is glorious!

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Different Faith Journey, Same Idea

I was vending my books at a local market last weekend when I was asked twice about my faith. The questions were very different, and they made me reflect on the many different faith journeys we take and how our descriptions of those journeys vary.

The first question came from a lady who was vending pottery next to me and was reading one of my books. She said, “Are you a believer?” I said, “Yes, I am.” I smiled because that would have been the way someone asked you about your faith in the north where I grew up. Faith in the north always seemed simpler to me than faith in the south. Where I lived, you either believed in God or you didn’t. The important thing was your belief and your relationship with the holy trinity.

In French, asking if you are a believer translates to do you practice your faith? Isn’t that the important point? Do you live a Christ-centered life, being the best human you can be?

When we moved to the south, I was introduced to the idea of being Christian. I also learned that certain faiths were not considered Christian. Since I grew up Catholic, I had already experienced a faith where some were excluded, and I never understood why everyone wasn’t welcomed to the table. Imagine my surprise when I found out that many Christians didn’t consider Catholics Christians. No matter what you call your faith why should someone not be encouraged to worship God? Didn’t Jesus accept everyone?

The second question came from a group of women who were preaching the Bible. One lady said rather aggressively, “Are you Christian?” She then started quizzing me on Bible verses and telling me why I was saved. I appreciate her passion, but the way she interacted with me definitely did not make me go to the bible study she was proposing. I have been attending a Methodist church, and it made me think of what our pastor used to say during baptisms. “Faith is often caught not taught.” So many times, you find your own road to faith.    

How do you describe your journey in faith?

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What I Wish You Knew About Yourself

Are you ever surprised at someone’s self-perception and the way you perceive that person? I find myself shaking my head all the time when someone explains a fault or strength, and the description does not match reality.

My friend Raleigh has had two strokes, and heart surgery. The first stroke was massive, and the doctor told him he only survived because of his fitness level. While he was waiting for his release, he walked in loops around the hospital so he would stay in shape. He did a 10k race a week after his second stroke, even though he didn’t know yet that a hole in his heart was causing the strokes. Not only is he fearless, but he also never complains about anything. His attitude is that you deal with the challenges and carry on. He’s tough right? He would never describe himself that way, so I have to remind him all the time.

Raleigh is not the only one who doesn’t see his stronger qualities. I taught French for forty years and I was always having conversations with students who didn’t think they were good enough. I spoke with a girl who had a high GPA, had taken every advanced class known to man, did extra-curriculars, and was a general high achiever. She was starting to look at colleges when she said to me, “Madame, I don’t think I’m good enough for college.” I know my mouth was open in surprise when I replied, “If not you, then who?”

My friend Kim is a military airline mechanic. Imagine being a woman in a male dominated field. I think she is tough as nails, super cool, and she has wisdom that has helped me many times. The problem is she doesn’t recognize any of those qualities. How do you convince someone they are so much more than she thinks?

We spend too much time thinking we are less than we are, so here are a few things you should know about yourself.

  • You are enough for any challenge, if you believe you can.
  • Fear is a dream killer and there is no place for it in your life.
  • Excuses for not doing something are fear of failure and they are all lies holding you back from the best you.
  • You have some qualities that others admire.
  • You have gifts you were meant to use. Don’t worry about what others think about how you use them.
  • Don’t try to be someone you are not. The person you are trying to imitate might have some dark corners you don’t need to explore.
  • Find your joy.
  • Be transparent about your struggles. You could help someone else.
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How to Make a Difference Today

Do you find yourself thinking you cannot make a difference because you are only one person? Making a difference every day is easier than you think. Small changes in your interactions can create significant changes that can create a domino effect. Here are a few ways to make a difference today.

Engage with others. When was the last time you texted or phoned family or friends? You never know when your text might come on a day someone is struggling and needs to know someone cares.

Talk to the person in the checkout line who obviously wants to talk. That person might need a connection, and it costs you nothing to listen.

Ask people how they are doing and actively listen to the answer.

Rise up for what you believe in. There are ways to stand up for what you believe is right. Be creative with your ideas to rebel within the law. Be smart about not doing something violent or dangerous.

Smile. When you smile at someone you are telling that person you think he is worthy of your notice. A smile can lift someone’s spirit when it is needed. A smile is a simple way to spread kindness.

Help someone. You don’t need to be rich or talented to help someone in need. Bring a meal to someone who is ill or experiencing hardship. Donate clothes and needed items to those who need them. Clean up the yard for someone who cannot. The best way to forget about your own troubles is to help other people solve their problems.

Be a role model. Show compassion and kindness and be a good human. Hopefully your good behavior will be contagious.

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Surviving Uncertain Times

Surviving Uncertain Times

Our children were at our house for Sunday dinner and the conversation turned to how my children were struggling with uncertainty in our country right now. Two of my children own businesses that will be impacted by the tariffs. The youngest is just starting out in the job market and she is worried about how to protect and grow her money. I listened to their concerns and fears, but the truth is that there is always a degree of uncertainty in life and it always makes sense to prepare ourselves for the bumps in the road. Here are a few strategies to protect yourself.

  • Evaluate your financial situation. Where do you stand financially? Are you struggling to get by? Are you living paycheck to paycheck, or do you have a healthy relationship with money? Here are a few things to consider about your financial situation.

If you are struggling, what changes can you make, and what resources can you use to get back on your feet?

Put aside emergency money even if it is only a few dollars a week. It will add up.

Talk to a financial advisor. We felt so much better when we knew we had an expert in charge of our finances.

Put your money in more than one spot. Invest the majority but also have some savings and have emergency cash as well. Clark Howard suggests $500 in cash per person.

Make a budget and recognize where your money is going.

  • Guard your peace. Uncertain times can cause stress, worry, and other mental health issues. When your mental health is out of balance it can affect your physical health. You have to have some ways to stay calm even when life seems to throw you curve balls.

Remember it could always be worse. When you start to feel down because you are struggling, look around and realize it could always be worse.

Take some quiet time every day when you don’t have to talk or listen to anyone. Use that time to recharge.

Listen to soothing music. Music is inexpensive therapy.

Laugh with friends. It’s hard to be down when you are laughing.

Disconnect now and then and don’t listen to the news or scroll through social media.

  • Start a garden. Before you start saying you wouldn’t be good at gardening, let me tell you that I could kill kudzu, and I still can grow a garden. Even if you live in a small space, you can grow a garden in containers. Growing a garden will save you money and it’s healthier.
  • Become a prepper. This might sound extreme, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with being prepared for anything, so buy some extra water, have supplies you might need, and consider stocking the pantry with easy to make meals.
  • Be a good human. United we are strong, but hate will make us weak. If we help each other when it’s necessary, we can make it through hard times.

I hope these tips help and I hope you will remember that we have survived some crazy moments, and we usually learn from them and come back stronger.

NASA Leadership and Members of Congress watch First All-Woman Spacewalk (NHQ201910180010) by NASA HQ PHOTO is licensed under CC-BY-NC-ND 2.0
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How to Thrive as a Strong Woman

It took me most of my life to realize that my easy-going, passive personality was not always bringing me the life I hoped for, and I needed to become stronger in several areas. Do you consider yourself to be a strong woman? Would you like to be? I can give you some advice that has worked well for me but first let’s talk about what it means to be a strong woman.

You might think you can’t be a strong woman if you are struggling with life and facing challenges. You are a strong woman if you face those challenges and continue to try to figure out how to solve them. Adversity is rarely fun, but it always makes us stronger, and as long as you learn from the struggles instead of allowing them to crush you, you will be better for it. It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react to it.

A strong woman doesn’t need to compare herself to other women. She is doing the best she can with the resources she has. She doesn’t judge others because she knows everyone is carrying a burden even if we cannot see it, so she offers grace and kindness instead of hate.

A strong woman wants everyone around her to be successful, and she loves opportunities to be an encourager. If she has a problem with you, she will come to you for resolution instead of talking behind your back.

Here are a few pieces of advice to help you thrive as a strong woman.

Create the right crew.

I have had some unfortunate friendships, and each time I knew It was time to walk away, I was very disappointed. I decided it was time to choose friends who had the qualities I admired. We don’t have to wait for friends to come to us. We can find the people we want in our lives.

I wanted friends who were loyal, non-judgmental, genuinely good people who were kind and transparent. I wanted friends who would show up when I needed them knowing I would do the same for them. I wasn’t looking for perfect people. I wanted friends who were transparent about the flaws.

I chose my new friends from the running community because running is one of my passions, and I don’t know many runners who aren’t phenomenal people.

Having the right group of friends can make a huge difference.

Believe you are capable.

A strong woman needs a growth mindset. It doesn’t matter how many times you fail at something if you learn something from failure, and you try again. Rory McIlroy tried for years to win the Masters and finally did it this year. How sad if he had given up thinking he wasn’t good enough.  

Communicate your boundaries.

This is so much more important than you might think. You have to tell people how to treat you. They need to know what is acceptable and what is not. You often have to have the most talks about boundaries with the ones closest to you. When someone is not respecting your boundaries, have a calm conversation with the person and explain what is wrong.

Know your value and claim your space. You have value, people should listen to you and show you respect. There is nothing wrong with explaining to someone calmly they have disrespected you. I was at a 6/12/24 hour ultra marathon. As an older runner, I am sometimes underestimated. I was looking at the 24-hour board to check my time. A woman who was there to support her husband looked at me and said, “This is the 24 board.” I said, “I know.” She looked at me in shock and said, “YOU are doing the 24-hour race?” I said, “Yes, I am, and I’m not sure why you are so surprised but I’m a little insulted.” She apologized. You have to realize people say some stupid things, but it’s okay to call them on it.

I hope these simple ideas help you realize you are stronger than you think and capable of anything.

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You Never Know

Have you ever been surprised to discover someone else has a very different perception than you, or you discover that someone or something is very different than you thought? Here are a few examples,

When you feel like you are less than, you never know how many people would like to be like you.

When you wish you had done something better, you never know how many people you have inspired.

When you want to give up because you are discouraged, you never know how close you are to your next success.

When you want to slink away from any more interactions, you never know the valuable connections you may be missing.

When you hold someone up as perfect, you never know how many burdens that person is carrying or demons he is fighting.

When you judge someone, you never know when you should have extended grace.

When you tell a coworker she should speak up more in meetings, you never know how well she is listening and absorbing.

When you are hateful, you never know when you could be the fatal blow and when you are kind, you never know when you could save someone.

When you underestimate someone, you never know if that is the person who will save you.

Be the best human you can be because you never know who is watching and how your actions might influence someone.