Posted on

The Changes that Come With Children

When you tell people that you are expecting your first child, they usually respond with congratulations, but my mother did not. When I told her I was pregnant she said, “Oh, no.” I was disappointed in her reaction until she explained that with four children of her own, she knew how taxing being a parent could be. I thought she was wrong until the baby came and my life changed forever. Nothing prepares you for what parenting is, the emotions, the need to have a psychology degree, your fear of losing your precious child, the protectiveness towards your child, the need to be all things with very little sleep or self-care, but most parents would tell you they would do it again in a heartbeat.

I can only speak from my experience, but here are the changes that occurred in my life when I had children.

Lack of sleep

I know this is the first on everyone’s list and it deserves to be there. I thought the baby would have a schedule and I would be able to sleep around the schedule. My doctor told me the baby was not going to have a schedule, and I should sleep when the baby slept. I have always thought this was terrible advice because if I sleep when the baby sleeps I cannot have a cup of coffee quietly and save what shards of my sanity are left, or do all the household chores to the point that it doesn’t look like a tornado blew through. Also, even though I’m on maternity leave, my work thinks I’m kidding and keeps sending me “small” projects to do in my free time that doesn’t exist.

Give yourself and your partner grace during this time and if you can take shifts while one rests while the other cares for the baby. Instead of being frustrated have an attitude of just doing your best.

Brain fog

This is caused by the lack of sleep, but it is difficult to handle. I remember when I went back to work as a teacher after maternity leave, another teacher came up behind me and said kindly, “Sweetheart, your skirt isn’t zipped up in the back. Let me help you.” I was in survival mode at that point.

Personal Hygiene

This is probably disgusting but my daughter spit up so often that sometimes I didn’t change my shirt and I went out in public with a fragrance of eau de spit up. Taking a shower becomes much harder with children and it can feel like a luxury.

Eating

Everyone tells you to eat healthily after the baby because you need to recover well, but sit-down meals become grabbing something quickly and eating it fast.

Personal space

Once you have children time to yourself is limited. Search Youtube for an episode of Bluey called twenty minutes where the mom just needs twenty minutes. You might close the bathroom door, but within seconds you are joined by a toddler, a dog and a cat.

Shopping

The first rule of shopping, going out, or traveling is to make sure your child is fed and rested. Dire consequences will result if you do not do this. Once I was in the grocery store when my toddler dropped to the ground kicking and screaming because she could not have a toy. I was surprised that everyone was looking at me as if I was a terrible parent. I left a full cart of groceries behind and carried her outside.

There will be many other changes but there are tools to help you. Keep a sense of humor, as for help, be creative, and use your resources. See the blessings not the burdens and realize that childhood is a short time so enjoy your time with your children.

Posted on

5 Ways for Parents to thrive

5 Ways to Thrive as a Parent

Don’t you wish there was a foolproof guidebook for those tricky parenting moments? When I discovered I was pregnant, I read all the books and I thought I was ready, but I had no idea what a roller coaster experience I was going to have. I remember telling the doctor that I couldn’t get my daughter on a schedule. He tried not to laugh while he told me that babies make their own schedules. That was only the beginning of figuring everything out along the way.

Most days I thought I was doing a terrible job, I was terrified that my daughter would not survive my attempts at parenting, and I compared myself to those women who were impeccably dressed while I usually had spit up on my shoulder. Those women seemed to handle parenting with ease and elegance while I could barely remember my name as I stumbled around in a sleep deprived daze.

I wish someone would have given me a hug and told me it would be okay. I’m here to tell that today to anyone who needs to hear it. Here are five basic rules of parenting that will make your life easier.

  • United we stand and consistency. Children can smell the weak link a mile away, so if you are parenting with a partner work together not separately. Your child will try to play you against each other, so a united front is crucial. Decide together what consequences are appropriate and stick to that decision. This technique will continue no matter how old your child is. I’ll give you an example. My adult nephew came to stay with us while he went to school for his masters. The first night he came, he caused an uproar that was not acceptable for us. Before I went to talk to him, I went to my husband’s office to make sure we were on the same page. We both agreed on the consequences and when I went to talk to him, I threw in standing at his door in silence while giving him the stank look.

             If you are a single parent, discipline the same way consistently, so your child knows      

            what to expect. When my children were younger, I rarely had to tell them what the   

            punishment was. They would say, “I know. I’m grounded.”

  • Teach them that actions have consequences. One of my hardest disciplinary decisions was when my daughter partied her way through her first year of college and ended up on academic probation. When she finished her fourth year, I told her I had promised to pay for four years, so she could pay for the fifth. She told me later that my decision had been a good lesson, but it was rough on my emotions.
  • Stay calm. This one was hard for me and I’m ashamed to say I did a lot of yelling, but eventually I realized that everything went much better when I was the calm in the eye of the storm. Instead of allowing your emotions to take over, take a deep breath, decide what you can control and let go of the rest.
  • Always have a plan b. If you asked me what qualities does a parent need to survive, I would say a good sense of humor, kindness, creativity, resiliency, and flexibility. There will be so many times when you have everything planned perfectly, and then you watch those plans all dissolve in chaos. Be ready to pivot!
  • Keep everyone fed and rested. I’m talking about you too. Parenting is hard work, so you need to be properly fueled. Carry snacks with you. Even during our last trip, my 39-year-old daughter said, “Mom, what do you have for snacks.”  

Posted on

10 Tips and Encouragement for Parents

Parenting is like being thrown into a lake and told to swim before you know the basic swim techniques. You go from hoping you will be a good parent before your child is born to transitioning into survival mode once the baby arrives. There isn’t a 100% reliable guidebook, and the same technique rarely works twice.

Although there are some rough spots, there are just as many magical moments. Savor those moments and laugh about the rest.

No matter where you are in your parenting journey, everyone can benefit from some practical advice and encouragement, so here are ten I would like to offer you.

  • Filter through the advice. Once you announce a baby is coming, the advice will start pouring in from everyone. Some of the advice will be helpful, and some will be crazy. You must filter through the noise to decide which advice is going to help you and your child.
  • Give yourself grace. You don’t have to be perfect to be a great parent. I had so many less than stellar moments as a parent. We were in a restaurant with the whole family when my youngest had a diaper blow out. It was the kind where the poop not only leaks a bit out of the diaper, but it was all over me….everywhere. I remember thinking that there was no good ending to this story, so I grabbed a diaper, lots of wipes and headed out to the car to repair what I could. The best thing to do in a situation like that is to realize you are not the first or the last to experience that and to find the humor.
  • Talk with other parents. Especially in the beginning of parenthood, it helps to share your struggles and joys. It can be encouraging to hear that other parents are facing the same challenges.   
  • Don’t compare yourself to other parents. There is always the parent who looks like they handle parenting with ease. She is immaculately dressed while you have spit up on both shoulders, her hair looks perfect while you cannot remember when you had a shower, and she looks well rested while you would give anything for a nap. Don’t worry about it because she might have challenges you would never want to have. Be the parent that works for you.
  • Love them when they don’t expect it. Two of my three children went through a phase when they would say, “I hate you.” When I would make them do something they didn’t want to do. I always answered, “I love you.”
  • Maintain consequences for actions. You have to be fair and consistent with the consequences for actions even when it’s hard.
  • Know the power of distraction. When your children are younger you can use distraction to avoid a tantrum or keep them from doing an activity you would like to avoid. When they are older, you can distract them when you want to change the subject.
  • Keep your cool. This goes along with don’t engage in drama. There are things your child will do that will make your blood boil, but don’t let your emotions take over. You can teach them how to handle an explosive situation in a productive way. Hand out the consequences for the actions, say how you feel, but express it all as if you are in complete control. Children need to know that someone is in control amid all the chaos of life.
  • Offer choices. Let’s say your child comes to you and says they do not want to go to college, but you would like to see them earn a college degree. Instead of losing your cool, or beginning to list the many reasons why that is not an option try saying this, “Okay, tell me why?” Many students, even those with high grades are afraid of college, and don’t think they will do well. Open up the dialogue to talk about your child’s feelings. You can also do what I did when I said, “Okay, what is your plan then?” That simple question made her think about what her plan would look like without college.

When younger children ask to purchase something, they can be given the choice between two things.

The point of giving them choices is to make them think they are making the decision instead of being told what to do.

  • Use silence. When you want to find out more about a situation, ask a question and then maintain silence. When your child answers you, maintain your silence and see if your child adds anything. Silence is powerful.

I hope some of these ideas will be useful for you. Enjoy every minute with your children.

Version 1.0.0
Posted on

Ten Tips for Traveling with a Toddler

I always thought it was important to take my child everywhere even when they were very little. I wanted to expose them to everything and teach them from an early age how to behave and enjoy new experiences.

Those experiences included traveling with my children, but for some reason I didn’t travel out of the country with them until they were at least six. As a French teacher, I traveled often to France with students or family because I needed to immerse myself to improve my language skills. I brought my children as often as I could because I wanted them to be global citizens, to understand cultural differences and the importance of learning other languages. My oldest daughter went to France the most and her memories are of playing in the Luxembourg gardens, going to the interactive science museum called La Cité, and eating amazing food. When my grandson was born, she told me she wanted to expose her son to all of those wonderful experiences, so last week we took the four-year-old for his first trip out of the country. Let me tell you the tips I learned from this trip as well as what I learned from the trips with my children.

Tip #1 Always make sure your child is fed and rested. My grandson is a picky eater, so we knew our options were limited, so every morning I went into the bakery to buy two croissants and two donuts to be ready for that moment when he said, “I’m hungry!” This tip applies whether you are traveling or not because most meltdowns happen because of hunger or fatigue.

Tip #2 Factor in downtime. Being in a different environment can be stimulating and overwhelming. Plan some time everyday to have some quiet time.

Tip #3 Don’t supersize the itinerary. Plan one activity a day and if everybody feels good you can do something else, but if you plan too much at once you are asking for a meltdown and it might not be the toddler that has it.

Tip #4 Be prepared. My grandson is potty trained, but there was still potential for disaster, so my daughter packed extra clothes in case they were needed.

Tip #5 Let them be kids. Plan some kid-friendly activities like kid’s museums or playgrounds. Let them run off the zoomies.  

Tip #6 Build their excitement. Act as if what you are about to do is the best thing ever. They will join in with enthusiasm.

Tip #7 Be patient. When something goes wrong, realize that all the new things might be difficult for your child. Remember the trip doesn’t have to be perfect.

Tip #8 Keep a sense of humor. When things don’t go according to plan, see the humor in the situation and carry on.

Tip #9 Have a plan B. Be ready to pivot at any moment because even the best plans can fall apart. We had tickets to ride a bus to see the major attractions, but when we arrived my husband couldn’t find the tickets on his phone. Everyone can have those moments when excess fatigue shuts down the brain, so be ready to look for a different way to accomplish the goals. I redid the tickets and the company refunded us.

Tip #10 Ask for help. If you have family with you work together to help each other when it is needed. If you are alone, ask for help from others when you know those requests are safe.

I hope these tips help you. Don’t be afraid to travel with a child. It’s possible he or she will have the best attitude of the whole group.

Posted on

Moments That Mattered as a Parent

I know the power of sharing experiences. We often feel that we are alone in our struggles, and as parents, we frequently ask ourselves if we made the right decision. Hearing the experiences of other parents is helpful, whether those experiences reinforce the feeling that we did something right, offer us alternatives for next time, or help us laugh at situations. I am going to pose some questions, give you my response, and encourage you to respond as well, either in the comments, through a discussion with others, or only in your thoughts.

What were some of your sweetest moments as a parent?

  • I loved it when my babies fell asleep on my chest. Even though there were a million things I should do while they were sleeping, I knew these moments were special.
  • Each child developed special interests, and I enjoyed seeing how happy they were when they were doing them. My oldest likes to travel, the middle child loves bugs and photography, and the youngest loved going to a local lake with a net and bowl to catch baby turtles and salamanders.
  • When I would read to them at night, I would start to fall asleep, and they would say, “Mommy, you need to go to bed!”
  • On my 60th birthday, my family gave me a party, and my children told me why they were thankful I was their parent. Considering they told me many times that I was ruining their lives, I appreciated their words.

What were some of your hardest moments as a parent?

  • Sometimes I knew that discipline was the right thing to do, but it was so hard to do. I knew I had to do it, though, because they needed to learn that actions have consequences.
  • Finding out when they had done something wrong was always tough.
  • Seeing all three struggle with depression was gut-wrenching.
  • Although I am thankful that all three are happy, it was hard to have them leave home to start their lives.
  • When my husband was battling addiction and traveling constantly to hide it. I felt like a single parent, and I felt very alone.

When did you sound or act like your parents?

  • I swore I would never worry as much as my mom, but I worry about everything.
  • I know I said, “After everything we have done for you!” at least once.

What do you think you have taught your children?

  • Resilience
  • Be kind
  • Do what’s right
  • Have a good work ethic.

It’s your turn now. How would you answer these questions?

Posted on

Surviving Parental Guilt While Preserving Your Peace

I was thrilled about becoming a mother, and I thought everything would be okay if I loved my children with all my heart and provided the best care possible. I wish someone had talked to me about the tangle of emotions that was about to happen and how to navigate all those feelings. I especially wish someone had explained parental guilt to me.

I have three children, and with each one, I found myself feeling guilty about everything. I felt guilty about working and dropping them off at daycare, not spending enough time with them, and falling asleep while I read a bedtime story. I felt guilty if they didn’t do well in school, and if they got into trouble, I was sure it was because of my shoddy parenting.

The feeling of guilt has followed me into my children’s adult years, but I have finally learned how to survive that guilt and preserve my peace. Here are a few things I have learned that I hope can help you.

  • Create boundaries. When your children are little, they push the boundaries to see how much control they have. Creating boundaries that define where their control ends and yours begins makes them feel safe and lets them know the chain of command. They will continue to push those boundaries into adulthood, so keep your boundaries steady and firm.
  • Don’t enable them. I wanted my children to have what they wanted, but it would have done more good if I gave them what they needed and made them work for what they wanted. Doing everything for your children or giving them their every need does not build good character. The things you have to work for are always more meaningful than what is just handed to you.
  • Shut down arguments with a few key phrases. Arguments can steal your peace, and they usually don’t end with a good resolution, so here are a few phrases to shut down an argument that is going nowhere.

I hear you

We will have to agree to disagree

That’s your opinion

Let’s have this discussion another time when we are calmer

                 Do not let your emotions match your child’s. Stay calm.

  • When they criticize you, remember it’s their opinion. When your child claims you are acting a certain way, do you jump to the defensive even though your child has no grounds for this claim? Remember it’s his opinion and not necessarily true. Use the above statement, “That’s your opinion.”
  • Demand respect. You care for and love your children. You deserve the same respect you show them. Do not tolerate lying, cursing, unkindness, or condescension.

My final suggestion is that you always let them know you love them. You might need to restate boundaries, demand an apology, but if you are doing your best and showing love, you can kick the parental guilt to the curb.

Posted on

The Prickly Path of Giving Advice to Children

The Prickly Path of Giving Advice to Children

As parents, shouldn’t we guide our children through life, helping them avoid some of the mistakes we made along the way? The answer to that is not always a resounding yes, and when they ask for advice, you should proceed with caution.

There are certain pieces of advice that are universally sound helpful hints. Here are a few I have offered my children.

  • Be money savvy. Always insure you are financially independent because relying on someone else for money can feel like a prison.
  • Self-care is essential for your health and happiness as well as for your ability to function well in all aspects of your life and in your ability to care for others. It is not selfish or a luxury.
  • Mental health is as important as your physical wellbeing. Reach out to loved ones or professionals when you need help.
  • Be transparent. Trying to be something you are not is exhausting. We are all a little messy and you might help someone else by revealing your imperfections.  
  • Positivity is powerful.
  • Be kind. There is a lot of hurt in the world. Kindness eases the pain.

All of that advice is something I would offer anyone, but when your children ask for more personal advice about specifics in their lives it can be a prickly path, and I would suggest you follow these steps.

  1. Listen carefully to your child’s request for advice without interrupting and without offering any judgment.
  2. When your child has finished, ask questions for understanding. It’s a technique called empathetic questioning where you repeat what a person has said but in the form of a question. An example would be if my daughter said, “I’m so angry at my stepson right now. How should I discipline him?” I can say, “So, you are feeling angry and want to find the right way to discipline him?” Now, you might ask how repeating the same thing can help, but most of the time when someone asks for personal advice, they don’t want you to solve the problem, they want to talk it out, and asking empathetic questions allows them to talk it out of their system, allowing them to see the situation without the emotion. I would then ask, “What do you think you should do?”  Allow your child to form her own decision. We are here to guide them not to control their every move.
  3. If your child asks again, “What should I do?” Take a deep breath and offer several options she might try. Don’t pinpoint one action because it might come back to bite you.

If your children ask you to make a decision about a relationship they are in I would advise you to change the subject because you cannot win. Of course, if the relationship is abusive in any way, help your child to leave, but the emotions run high in these situations, so like before, let your child talk it out and reach her own decisions.

I hope this helps. Parenting never ends. It remains a glorious, complicated adventure and we learn as we go. Good luck!!

Posted on

What I Know as a Parent

Did you read all the books about parenting when you were expecting? I did, and I thought I was prepared for anything and then the chaos of real life named Jessica happened and I realized I was prepared for nothing. I have apologized to Jessica several times for having to be my first attempt at parenting, and I am thankful she survived.

Since Jessica survived her first three years, we decided to have another. Our son Tyler was born, and we were faced with a medical emergency because he had an AVM, (a bleeding vessel on the brain) He had a brain operation at a week old and is now a thriving 34 year old.

I had a third child at 43. Kaitlyn is a light who also gave us a medical scare at 18 months with an epileptic seizure. She was diagnosed with childhood epilepsy. During our time in the hospital, I discovered from my sister that I had childhood epilepsy as well. I asked the question again, “Why did know one tell me this?” Our family has been quiet about some key medical history facts.

I now have a three-year-old Grandson, and I will tell you that being a grandparent is a whole different type of parenting because I have to respect my child’s wishes, keep advice to myself except when asked for it, and do my best to remember parenting from years ago.   

My parenting until this moment has taught me many lessons I would love to share with you.

  • Filter the advice. When you first give birth there are many emotions including fear, fatigue, and a general sense of feeling overwhelmed. You will find especially in the beginning that everyone wants to give you advice. Some of it will be good, but some will not. When my oldest daughter gave birth, she was worried about breast feeding. A friend said her breast was engorged and if Jess didn’t pump out the extra she would have to go back to the hospital. Thankfully, I remembered that your breasts have perfect memories, (mammeries have memories!) and I told her that her breasts would produce what she had needed the day before.
  • All your children have a unique identity. I have always been amazed how different three children can be even when they were raised in the same house. Embrace the identity that is the heart of each child. Give each child space to be who fits that identity. Especially, do not try to make your child a carbon copy of you. I have a friend who wanted her son to be an athlete. She made him go to football and lacrosse and he would come home crying because his passion was in theater.
  • The failures and triumphs both make great memories. You will struggle to see the failures as positives when they happen, but they can teach you valuable lessons, and you have family stories to tell.
  • There will be tough days but see the blessings not the burdens. Parenting can be tough, but your children will be grown before you know it, so enjoy the moments when they need you and think you are cool.
  • Document all the memories. Take a million pictures, find a box to store all their artwork, and keep a journal documenting the special moments.
  • Comparing yourself to other parents is wasted energy. You will never be perfect and that’s okay. Laugh when you mess up and do something different. Be transparent about struggles because that will help other parents with the same struggles, and they might have some good advice.
  • Your child wants your time. Even more than the newest toy, your child wants you. Show up for games, performances, and spend time together.
  • Be your child’s advocate. My finest moment as a parent was standing up to a teacher who called my daughter a liar. My daughter was going to a special class to improve her reading, and she would come home and tell me the teacher had screamed at them. The first time I said that maybe the teacher had a bad day but screaming was never okay. There were two more days like that and then I had enough when she told me the teacher called her a liar. I called her regular teacher who told me there were some parent complaints. I called some parents who told me some disturbing things, so I called her teacher and asked her to take her out of that class. I had to write a letter to the principal and then we had a meeting with the principal, her regular teacher, the special teacher, my husband and myself. The special teacher tried to bully me into keeping her in the class. (funding) I stayed calm and then unleashed with what I thought of her teaching methods. When we went outside, I asked my husband if I had said the right things. He looked at me with awe and said, “You were wonderful!” lol, 40 years of teaching came in handy.
  • Parenting does not stop at 18. When your child becomes an adult, he will still need you. The parenting will evolve, but you will always be a parent, and around 23, they will realize you are wise.
  • Don’t give your child everything. We want our child to be happy, but there is nothing wrong with making them work for it so they see the worth in it. Giving them everything they want will produce spoiled children.
  • Teach your children that actions have consequences. This is an important life lesson. Teaching them what they do is going to produce consequences. This can be a moment of tough lough, but it will yield huge results.
  •  Be the model for your child. My children have thanked us several times when they have seen parents who made unfortunate choices. You don’t have to be perfect, but do your best to be good humans.
  • Show love even when it is difficult. Your child will not always be perfect. There will be times when you want to unleash the fury. Instead of saying things you might regret, ask questions to understand and teach some lessons.
  • Be vigilant. Check social media, monitor the phone, and know where they are. The world is too crazy with too many dangerous possibilities. Keep them safe!
  • Listen carefully. We are so busy that it is easy to not focus on what they are saying. Anxiety and depression throw up red flags and you should offer help when they show up.

Good luck on this crazy ride called parenting. Reach out to me with questions on my blog at www.jenniferswriting.org .    

Posted on

The Challenging Years for Parents

All parents know that parenting is the toughest and most amazing adventure in the world, but there are certain years in a child’s life that are tougher that others for both the child and parents. I have three children who all struggled at the same ages, and now I am seeing the same thing happening with my grandson.

Before I shared my experience with my children, I did some research of the experts to see if what I experienced was common. Here are the ages that were a challenge for me and what the experts say.

Four

I heard everyone talking about the terrible twos, but the first challenge for me came when my daughter turned four. She became bossy and demanding. She wanted to tell us what to do, and if we said no, her frustration turned into tantrums. My daughter is experiencing the same thing with her son. She felt better when I told her he was testing the limits to see who was in control and how much power he had at his disposal. I told her she should stay calm but set boundaries for the behavior because knowing someone else was in control would make him feel safer.

Alanna Gallo, an education and parenting expert and the founder of Play Learn Thrive says, “They’re still working on regulating their emotions, so tantrums and aggression are normal. It’s an emotional roller coaster, and their outburst signal they need more connection and coregulation.”

Mayra Mendez, a licensed psychotherapist says, “It’s part of the social-learning and individuation process. They are learning how to engage in collaborative exchanges, problem-solve, and learn conflict resolution.’

Eight

According to Parents magazine, 8 is the most difficult age for parents. Do you remember being 8? I do. I remember feeling lost. I wasn’t sure what my identity was. Here is what Parents says, “It does make sense why 8 can be a tough age: Eight is officially a big kid. Eight is personality and autonomy and attitude that still wants to end the day with a snuggle and hug. Eight is the body prepping for puberty and the hormones that go with it.”

Thirteen

When each of my children turned 13, I prepared myself for two personalities in one body. If 8 is prepping for puberty, 13 is being smack in the middle of it.

“Although 13-year-olds are starting to have a more concrete thinking style, their brains are still developing,” says Florencia Segura, FAAP, a pediatrician with Einstein Pediatrics in the Washington D.C. metro area. “They also tend to be very self-conscious at this age and have a tendency to believe they are the center of attention. If they have a pimple, then everyone is looking at it.”

17

This was the age that my older two children were the most difficult for me to parent. Here is what the magazine Parents says about parenting a 17-year-old.

“For the most part, 17-year-old’s moods are calmer than they were in earlier teen years. This is due to fewer hormonal shifts and an increased sense of control. But that does not mean teens will not struggle with their emotions when they face a big problem. Whether they are dealing with a broken heart or a college rejection letter, many 17-year-olds are dealing with adult-sized problems for the first time. The parent-teen relationship may shift a little during this age as well. For some, that may mean growing apart from their parents as they gain independence, but for others, it may growing closer to their parents as their desire to be rebellious fades away. Either way, keep the lines of communication open and offer support and encouragement as needed.

Let your teen know that it is okay to make mistakes. In fact, you want them to make mistakes that are not life-threatening or catastrophic. Instead of being a helicopter parent or a snowplow, ask them what they learned from their mistake or poor choice.”

Parenting is a learning experience and a continual adventure. Do the best you can and act in love.

Posted on

Parenting with the Outcome in Mind

As a parent of three, I remember parenting can often feel like a focus on mere survival, but the small attempts at being the best parent you can be, can make a huge difference in the person your children become. Use the resources you have to give your children a chance to build memories and ask yourself what outcome you are hoping for when your children become adults.

When each of my children was born, I prayed they would be good people. I wanted them to be kind and thoughtful, but I also wanted them to know how to stand up for themselves. I enrolled two of them in karate to teach them self-defense and discipline. My oldest daughter was tough enough without the class!

Making traditions has always been important to me, and I love it when my children carry on those traditions with their families. All three children understand the importance of family time. They know how to enjoy those sweet moments together.

Children need to be around other children, so think about enrolling them in free classes where they can interact. We sent ours to soccer camp where we watched a herd of children run from one side to the other. We also sent them to art camp and an outdoor adventure camp.

As a French teacher, I was expected to organize student trips to France, so I took my children with me. I wanted them to become global citizens. If you can afford travel, it is an amazing educational experience to teach about other cultures and perceptions.

Consider communicating with them about social media before they are allowed to use it. After they start to use it, continue to keep the communication channels open.  

Teach your children how to interact with others by modeling it for them. Teach them to be servant leaders.

Decide what else you want your children to learn from you, and continue to do your best in survival mode.