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Five Writer’s Resolutions

Everyone makes resolutions for health and wellness and financial health, but as writers, do you make writer’s resolutions? I have a vision board where I put pictures and comments about what I hope for during the new year, but guess which section is the smallest? I asked myself this morning why my greatest passion isn’t getting more of my attention and the answer led me to these resolutions.

Resolution #1 I am going to give higher priority to my writing. Most of the time I do not sit down to write until I have completed all my other responsibilities, and that often means I don’t have much energy or creativity left.

I struggle with guilt about writing. My family doesn’t see it as important, so I often feel guilty spending the time at the computer, but writing makes me so happy and peaceful. I know it is what I need for my mental health. This year I am going to draw some boundaries and let others know that I need more time to devote to writing.

Resolution #2 I will be more disciplined and focused with my writing time. The computer can become a black hole waiting to steal all your time. I tell myself that I will only glance at social media, but then I’m shocked when I look at the clock and an hour has gone by. I will have certain hours to work, and I will focus on my writing business for that time.

Resolution #3      I am going to ignore the haters and believe my writing matters. Haters are not always strangers. I have someone close to me who makes snide remarks about my writing usually by telling me how little money I make. This year I am going to focus on the positives and not listen to hateful comments. I will prove myself without dropping to the hater’s level.

Resolution #4  I will continue to learn and grow. I have so much more to learn, but I am eager to continue to grow. This year I am going to enter contests, go to conferences, ask questions, and read writing books.

Resolution #5 Finish what I’ve started and push forward. My brain goes in five different directions, so I have several projects going at once. Instead of starting something new, I’m going to finish current projects.

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The Moments That Can Change Your Life

This one is all about you

There are moments in our lives that can change everything, but those moments are different for all of us. It’s important to reflect on those moments from time to time and think about how they have shaped us. Here are a few questions about those moments. I would love to hear your answers.

Who was the person who first saw your passion maybe even before you realized it?

We all need a person in our lives that sees our potential and believes in our ability to achieve it. There will be plenty of people who tell you that what you dream of is impossible, but somehow when one important person tells us we can, it suddenly is in reach.

What words have lifted you up and sustained you on the hard days?

I write down kind words and save sweet notes so I can remember them when I have one of those days when I doubt my ability to do anything right.

What events or decisions changed your life?

There are certain decisions that completely change the path of your life. What made you choose the path you did?

What people or failures made you stronger even though the experience was laced with negativity?

Toxic people and situations are never fun to navigate but they teach us valuable lessons such as resilience. We have to decide to allow toxicity and failure to overwhelm us or find a way to overcome it.

What has been an obstacle or challenge?

We all have those things that stand in our way. The obstacle could be financial, it could be fear, and it could be a lack of self-esteem.

Who are your greatest cheerleaders?

We all need a few people in our corner who always have our back.

What are you proud of?

What are your greatest achievements? Describe those moments when your hard work was rewarded.

How has your family influenced who you are today?

Do you have the same beliefs and morals as your family? What do you want to do differently?

Our lives are formed by so many different choices, circumstances and decisions. I hope you enjoyed reflecting on what shaped yours.

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Please Don’t Give Up. Here Are Some Reasons to Keep Moving Forward

This year has felt heavy to me, and I feel guilty saying that because there have been many blessings this year, but I have struggled to stay motivated and positive in more than one area. Have you felt that way or has this been a successful year for you when you were highly motivated to achieve great things? I am so happy for you if you answered yes, but if you had a few low spots like I did, I would like to offer a few reasons why I hope you never give up on the things you love to do.

  • Success can take time. When it feels like nothing is changing you might be surprised to know how much you are learning and growing.
  • Giving up means you are closing doors that you might have been able to burst through with one more shove.
  • Instead of quitting, adjust. Do what you have been doing but do it differently. Experiment to find out what will bring you success. Running has been my therapy my whole life, but as I’m reaching the end of my sixth decade, my knees have started to be cranky. I cannot run every day or run ten miles straight. I was frustrated several months ago and I stopped running. Last week I realized there was another solution. Instead of stopping, I would adjust my routine. I run 2 miles and walk the rest then I walk the next day and then run. So far it is working great.
  • Not giving up builds resilience and mental strength.
  • Quitting never feels good but pushing forward makes you feel powerful.
  • Even though you might not realize it, there are people who count on you to be you.
  • You never know when a blessing or even a failure could change everything for the better.
  • Your words, your kindness, and your actions could save someone’s life.
  • If your journey didn’t have some walls to break down, you wouldn’t learn some valuable lessons.
  • What if you can be the change maker in someone’s life?

There are so many reasons to keep pushing forward even when you are tired and you feel like life has left you battered and bruised. Something wonderful might be about to happen.

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8 Ways to make it through the day when you don’t want to

It’s one of those days when you want to pull the covers over your head and stay hidden in your warm cocoon of blankets. Once you pull yourself out of bed you sit at the counter with your cup of coffee in your hands and dread the interactions to come.

Would it surprise you to know that even the most positive, upbeat people have those days when everything feels heavy? The secret to making it through when you want to tap out is that you need to have your mental weapons ready. Here are a few ideas to try to boost your mood and motivation.

· Put on your favorite music depending on your mood. If I’m feeling down, I want to hear something soothing, if I am not motivated, I need something I have to move to and I turn it up loud, If I’m angry, I play the best revenge songs. Music is cheap therapy. Sing along to the music as loud as you can and change the words if you want. I was singing a song yesterday and when I sang the chorus my husband started laughing and said, “Jen, those are not the words.” I have been singing the wrong words for years!

· Eat your favorite breakfast. On the bad days, nutritional value doesn’t count unless the days stretch into months. Eat a pop tart or some killer French toast. Good food can boost your mood.

· Remember you have power over your reactions. When my students walked into class in a bad mood, I would always remind them they had the power to turn their attitude around. You cannot always control what happens, but you can control how you react to it.

· Reach out to someone who makes you laugh. You cannot stay depressed for long when you are laughing.

· Share your feelings with those you trust. This year has been heavy for me, but I felt better when I shared those feelings and discovered there were others who felt the same way.

· Do something fun. If you are able, do activities you enjoy like reading or watching movies.

· Go to bed early. Sleep can be a great remedy. When we are sleep deprived everything seems worse.

· Seek professional help if needed. If you are struggling with your mental health, it may be time to ask for professional advice.

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The Mental Strength to Move Forward

 I wrote 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden because I wanted to help some of the many people who struggle with mental health every day. I hoped I could provide some inspiration to show people the possibilities and the light when they only saw despair and darkness.

I knew I wanted to start the book with how to be in a good place mentally to make it easier for everyone to be able to move forward toward the best life possible. Here are the concepts that begin the book.

You are wonderfully made. Everyone has both weaknesses and special qualities. Don’t try to be anything other than your true self. Your real friends are those who love you exactly as you are. Focus on those strengths that make you shine and improve in areas where you want to be better.

Believe you can. Your beliefs become your reality. At the beginning of each semester, I did an exercise with my students to show them the power of negative and positive thoughts. I would ask for a volunteer and then tell the volunteer that he should hold his arm out at shoulder level and repeat, “I will not drop my arm.” After the student repeated this several times, I would tell him I was going to try to pull his arm down, but he shouldn’t let me. I was never able to make him lower his arm. I then asked him to raise his arm again, but this time I told him to say, “I can’t keep my arm up.” This time when I pulled on the arm, the arm dropped immediately. I wanted my students to realize that their energy could affect the outcome of their efforts.

Do not compare yourself to others. Be careful when you find yourself wishing you were like someone else because you don’t know what hidden burdens that person has. Be the best person you can be and celebrate your success as well as the success of those around you. Be grateful for your blessings and realize that imperfection is more interesting and involves inspirational stories.

Do not allow anyone to limit you.  Even your family and friends can hold you back when they don’t think your dreams are realistic. When I told my husband I wanted to be a writer, he told me he wanted to be a pro golfer but that wasn’t going to happen either. I had to draw some boundaries for his attitude about my writing, and he is now supportive of what I am doing. If you love to do something, move forward and prove the haters wrong.

When I was forty-two, I wanted to have a third child. When I mentioned this to others, the reactions were always negative and included comments about my age, how old I would be when my child graduated high school, and the potential for health problems because I was an older mother. I ignored the comments and had my daughter who is the light of my life. I would have missed out on so much joy if I had listened to others.

These are the basics of working on staying strong mentally. Once you can master these tips, you can move forward to use the next set.

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What’s Life without a few scars and brokenness?

Do you allow toxic thoughts to slip in that tell you what a mess you are and how broken you have become? First, let me assure you that you are not the only one to have those thoughts, but they can cause us harm, but there are ways to turn those thoughts around because your mess and your brokenness are all a matter of perception, so here are a few things to remember, and some action steps to take to go from feeling broken to glorious.

Change your thinking. One of the reasons I wrote this article was because I was lying in bed this morning thinking that I really was a mess then I started to argue with myself by finding a few positives about my messy self. I know I am not the only one to struggle with staying positive about myself. Our mind rules the day, so if we can control how we think, we can change a lot. Switch any negative thoughts to positives and see the difference it makes. Tell yourself you are pretty darn wonderful until you believe it yourself.  

List the good things. What are your best qualities? Are you kind? Loyal? Easy to be with? Make a list.

What have your scars and failures done for you? I am a true believer that the more you fail, the more you learn, and sometimes those failures leave mental and physical scars. I have the most scars from parenting, teaching, and karate. Parenting taught me unconditional love, forgiveness and the importance of boundaries, teaching taught me the importance of relationships, and karate taught me that I should never give up because persistence pays off, I should recognize toxic behavior sooner, and just because someone is the person in charge doesn’t mean he should be. If you never fail you will miss out on some valuable lessons.

What are your most glorious stories? Think about those times when you triumphed and it felt glorious. Write them down and relive that feeling. The first one that came to mind for me was when I was an advocate for my oldest daughter. She had started to go to the special education class during reading time because she was below reading level. She started to tell me that the teacher was yelling at them. I told her that a teacher should never yell, but maybe she had a bad day. Then, she came home and told me the teacher called her a liar. I arranged a meeting for the next day, and I made sure the teacher knew what I thought about her methods.

Keep rising up and bring someone with you. It doesn’t matter how many times you mess up. You have a fresh start every day. Hold yourself together with a sense of humor and a refusal to quit. When you figure something out, share the secret with someone else.

Be happy with who you are. I have been a people pleaser most of my life then suddenly I decided I needed to draw some boundaries to protect my peace. I’m happy with who I am and I’m not going to beg someone to be my friend. Don’t worry what others think of you. Deflect the arrows of the people who think they know what is best for you.

I hope these ideas help you to turn the thoughts around to see how glorious you are!

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Moments That Mattered as a Parent

I know the power of sharing experiences. We often feel that we are alone in our struggles, and as parents, we frequently ask ourselves if we made the right decision. Hearing the experiences of other parents is helpful, whether those experiences reinforce the feeling that we did something right, offer us alternatives for next time, or help us laugh at situations. I am going to pose some questions, give you my response, and encourage you to respond as well, either in the comments, through a discussion with others, or only in your thoughts.

What were some of your sweetest moments as a parent?

  • I loved it when my babies fell asleep on my chest. Even though there were a million things I should do while they were sleeping, I knew these moments were special.
  • Each child developed special interests, and I enjoyed seeing how happy they were when they were doing them. My oldest likes to travel, the middle child loves bugs and photography, and the youngest loved going to a local lake with a net and bowl to catch baby turtles and salamanders.
  • When I would read to them at night, I would start to fall asleep, and they would say, “Mommy, you need to go to bed!”
  • On my 60th birthday, my family gave me a party, and my children told me why they were thankful I was their parent. Considering they told me many times that I was ruining their lives, I appreciated their words.

What were some of your hardest moments as a parent?

  • Sometimes I knew that discipline was the right thing to do, but it was so hard to do. I knew I had to do it, though, because they needed to learn that actions have consequences.
  • Finding out when they had done something wrong was always tough.
  • Seeing all three struggle with depression was gut-wrenching.
  • Although I am thankful that all three are happy, it was hard to have them leave home to start their lives.
  • When my husband was battling addiction and traveling constantly to hide it. I felt like a single parent, and I felt very alone.

When did you sound or act like your parents?

  • I swore I would never worry as much as my mom, but I worry about everything.
  • I know I said, “After everything we have done for you!” at least once.

What do you think you have taught your children?

  • Resilience
  • Be kind
  • Do what’s right
  • Have a good work ethic.

It’s your turn now. How would you answer these questions?

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The Importance of Sharing Your Journey

You know all the struggles you have experienced, or those issues life has thrown your way that you are afraid to reveal? Being transparent about them could help a lot of people who are dealing with similar things. It makes them realize there is hope, and it helps them feel less alone. Your transparency will also help you know that many others are dealing with burdens just like yours.

I don’t usually post about my mental struggles because I don’t want to burden anyone, but a recent experience taught me how wrong I was. Three years ago, I had my first A-fib episode (irregular heartbeat). After many tests and a short time taking a beta blocker, I went two years without any episodes. Unfortunately, the episodes started again recently and became more frequent. I had to go back to my cardiologist, who prescribed a stronger medication and did more heart tests. On top of that, I received a call from my dermatologist saying that I needed another Mohs surgery on my face for skin cancer. It will be the third one in several months. At the same time, I managed to tear my meniscus, and as an avid runner, I know that means I cannot run until it heals. Throw a few personal struggles in, and I had the perfect storm.

I reached out on social media and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. The posts of love and positivity were wonderful, but there was another outcome to my post that made me realize it was the right thing to do. Friends started texting and calling to tell me about struggles they were also experiencing. They had been holding their feelings inside because they were afraid of judgment. They told me they were glad to be able to share with someone.

We often think we are the only ones experiencing something, and we wonder why we cannot find a solution. When we see someone else whom we admire fighting the same battle, it eases our feelings of inadequacy.

When you share your journey, you might have some insight from your experience that could help someone else. You could be much much-needed inspiration.

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5 Ways Your Phone Controls You

If you are a person of a certain age, you remember life before cell phones. We used landlines to call people, we used maps to navigate highways, and texting didn’t exist. We went to the theater to watch movies, and television was only viewed on a television.

When portable phones appeared, all of that changed, but it changed gradually, seeping into our lives, making things more convenient, and we saw all the benefits. Unfortunately, there is a dark side to cell phones in our lives. They have become everything to us, to the point that we cannot imagine leaving home without our phones. They have slipped into our lives, and they control us to a certain point. Here are 5 reasons why our phones control us.

Your phone knows you. Your phone is always collecting data about you. How many times have you had a conversation with someone, and after that conversation, videos and articles start to appear around what was said?

I also notice that when I browse online, whatever I was looking at suddenly pops up all over my feed.

Your phone finds out your interests and your likes and uses that knowledge to keep you interested.

It gives you what you want. I argued with my daughter, and suddenly the reels on social media were all about having issues with family members. It was as if my phone was giving me validation that I wasn’t at fault in the argument.

Because it knows so much about you, your phone provides you with the videos, music, and ads you want.

Your phone isolates you. Have you ever seen a family at a restaurant where everyone is on their phone instead of engaging in conversation? It is an escape, but it is also isolation because you are interacting with a machine instead of people.

It becomes indispensable. I was in the car on my way to an appointment when I realized I didn’t have my phone. I panicked. What would happen if I had an accident? What would I do to amuse myself while waiting for the appointment? We rely on our phones for almost everything.

It leaves you wanting more. Have you ever been watching videos and realized it’s late, but you tell yourself you will watch just one more, then one more? How long can you go without looking at your phone?

Most of us can agree that our phone controls us, but our phones have become a toxic convenience, so how do we draw healthy boundaries about how much time we spend on our phones?

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Reasons to visit a French pharmacy

Everyone includes major monuments like the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower on their Paris itinerary. Still, if you don’t go into a pharmacy while you are there, you will miss out on an extraordinary experience. We don’t have anything like French pharmacies in the United States, but I wish we did. Let me explain what they are like by describing why you should visit them.

  • You can receive the care you would receive at a doctor’s office without paying an office fee or needing a prescription for minor ailments. Traveling can be rough because you can’t travel with all the cures you use for small issues like a sore throat, allergic reaction, cold, or bug bite. You can go into a pharmacy, consult with the pharmacist, and receive the necessary medication at a reasonable price.

Here are a few stories I have experienced at pharmacies. For about a year, I kept having allergic reactions to something, but I couldn’t figure out what was causing it. I was in France with a student group, and I took a girl who had never had a crepe to one of the best crepe stands. We both bought enormous chocolate and banana crepes and ate every bite. A few minutes later, I was walking back with my daughter to our friend’s apartment when I said to my daughter that my legs were burning. I pulled up my white pants and saw that my legs were crimson. I was having an allergic reaction to the hazelnuts in the chocolate. My friend rushed me to the pharmacy. Let me tell you that a Frenchman driving in a hurry is a scary experience! When we arrived, I showed the lady my leg and said I was reacting to nuts. She turned around, grabbed a package from the shelf, and said, “Take one of these right now!”  The reaction was gone in a day.

I often become ill after being on the plane. I am a germ magnet. On one trip with my family, I felt awful, but I was trying to soldier on. At night, I would start coughing, so I went to the pharmacy, explained my situation, and the pharmacist gave me cough drops and syrup. The syrup was like Nyquil on steroids. My husband said he shook me once to make sure I was okay, and I didn’t move. French medicine is strong.

The best story was when we entered a small pharmacy because my daughter had asked me to buy some skin care. The pharmacist was tending to a young woman who was having horrible cramps from her period. They were so bad that she was nauseous and couldn’t stand up. The pharmacist had her in the back with a hot water bottle on her stomach, and she was treating her as if it were her daughter. She even called the woman’s boss and told her she wasn’t capable of working.

  • Most pharmacists are capable of helping you with skin care, makeup, and health issues. My favorite place to receive the best advice is at Forum les Halles. Employees are circulating, asking if you need help, and they sincerely want to help. They also are not trying to push products on you. I had some moisturizer of a product I like. The woman helping me told me it wasn’t for my skin type and put it back on the shelf. During our last visit, we asked a woman about gut health, and she gave us a product that she said was amazing. I just started taking it, so I’ll let you know.
  • The prices are often half of what we pay in the States. Several years ago, a dermatologist recommended a cream to me called Cicalfate. It is a repair cream. It usually costs between $26-$28 here, but it costs $13 in France. The woman in the pharmacy said that every household needed to have that cream.
  • The staff is so caring. I always feel like my mom is fussing over me, and when I don’t feel good, some extra love helps.
  • You discover some great products.

I hope you have a chance to explore the pharmacies. Wherever you see a large green cross, that designates a pharmacy. Don’t be afraid to go in and ask questions.