Posted on

What’s Life without a few scars and brokenness?

Do you allow toxic thoughts to slip in that tell you what a mess you are and how broken you have become? First, let me assure you that you are not the only one to have those thoughts, but they can cause us harm, but there are ways to turn those thoughts around because your mess and your brokenness are all a matter of perception, so here are a few things to remember, and some action steps to take to go from feeling broken to glorious.

Change your thinking. One of the reasons I wrote this article was because I was lying in bed this morning thinking that I really was a mess then I started to argue with myself by finding a few positives about my messy self. I know I am not the only one to struggle with staying positive about myself. Our mind rules the day, so if we can control how we think, we can change a lot. Switch any negative thoughts to positives and see the difference it makes. Tell yourself you are pretty darn wonderful until you believe it yourself.  

List the good things. What are your best qualities? Are you kind? Loyal? Easy to be with? Make a list.

What have your scars and failures done for you? I am a true believer that the more you fail, the more you learn, and sometimes those failures leave mental and physical scars. I have the most scars from parenting, teaching, and karate. Parenting taught me unconditional love, forgiveness and the importance of boundaries, teaching taught me the importance of relationships, and karate taught me that I should never give up because persistence pays off, I should recognize toxic behavior sooner, and just because someone is the person in charge doesn’t mean he should be. If you never fail you will miss out on some valuable lessons.

What are your most glorious stories? Think about those times when you triumphed and it felt glorious. Write them down and relive that feeling. The first one that came to mind for me was when I was an advocate for my oldest daughter. She had started to go to the special education class during reading time because she was below reading level. She started to tell me that the teacher was yelling at them. I told her that a teacher should never yell, but maybe she had a bad day. Then, she came home and told me the teacher called her a liar. I arranged a meeting for the next day, and I made sure the teacher knew what I thought about her methods.

Keep rising up and bring someone with you. It doesn’t matter how many times you mess up. You have a fresh start every day. Hold yourself together with a sense of humor and a refusal to quit. When you figure something out, share the secret with someone else.

Be happy with who you are. I have been a people pleaser most of my life then suddenly I decided I needed to draw some boundaries to protect my peace. I’m happy with who I am and I’m not going to beg someone to be my friend. Don’t worry what others think of you. Deflect the arrows of the people who think they know what is best for you.

I hope these ideas help you to turn the thoughts around to see how glorious you are!

Posted on

Keep Your Weapons Sharp

Do you ever feel like life is a war where you are only doing your best to survive? Those are the days when you need to know what your weapons are, and what is the best way to use them.

I’m not talking about guns and swords, or other methods of violence. I’m talking about words and actions you can use to protect your peace, motivate yourself, and find happiness. Here are a few ideas that work for me.

Remember, you have more power than you think in your interactions. You might not be able to choose what happens to you or some of the situations you encounter, but you always have the choice on how to respond.

There are certain personality types where someone loves to argue, so you will walk away from these arguments shaking your head and asking yourself what just happened. These people love drama, and they will take any excuse to engage in it. Your weapon in this case is to not engage. Have a set of phrases ready that give a non-committal response.  If you jump in with both feet, you will come out bloodied emotionally. Rest in the assurance that proving you are right is not worth it.

You have to draw boundaries to show people how to treat you. There should be no discussion except for a clear description of what those boundaries are. If the boundaries are not respected, it’s time to distance yourself.

You need to take time to heal. Every warrior needs to take time to regroup, rest, and recharge. You will always come back stronger if you take time to heal. Do what fills you and gives you peace. Movement of any kind has always helped me. I also find peace through reading, writing, and music.

Realize that someone’s opinion doesn’t have to be the truth. Have you ever been in a situation when someone criticizes you and you start to ask yourself if you would act that way even though the claim is outlandish? Just because someone has an opinion about you, it doesn’t mean it’s true, so carry on with your bad self.

There are so many situations that can steal our peace, so sharpen your weapons before you need them, so that when the need arises, you are prepared.

Posted on

When You Create a Mental Storm

Have you ever stopped to wonder if the terrible, I want to hide in the corner bad day could have been avoided? I’m going to share a realization I had about my own situation in the hopes it will help you.

We all have those days when we need to retreat and renew. My husband and I know each other’s signs for those days. I can see a bad day on his face, and he becomes slightly grumpy and almost seems to want to argue. I’m the opposite. I don’t want to interact with anyone. I crave quiet and I want to disconnect and heal. How do you react to the hard days?

It’s not normal for me to be depressed. I might have a bad day here and there, but I can usually find the positive side to anything. The past two months have been different though. I created a nasty mental storm for myself.

The unrest in our country and the world in general has weighed heavily on me. Hateful posts have also affected me as I unfriend more people because although I can respect a difference of opinion, once that opinion becomes hate filled and violent, I’m out. I am missing my children more than usual, and I haven’t had the motivation to run which is usually something I love to do. I haven’t even wanted to putter in the garden. (I’m usually out there singing and talking to the plants.” I started crying for no reason including waking up crying at 2 a.m. last week.

This morning, I decided it was time to turn things around and I realized there was a lot in my power to make things better. I made the decision to take back my happiness and guard my peace.

I’m a planner, so I had to have a good plan to follow. Running has always been my therapy, so the first thing I did was to go for a glorious run. I ran hard and fast, (fast for me is pretty slow!) which I haven’t done for almost 2 months. My legs were tired after 6 miles, but I’ll get stronger every day. The next step was to eliminate the toxic elements around me. I unfriended the person who posted about hoping the marines killed the immigrants in. L.A. I then sent friend requests to people who were mutual friends with friends I consider to be amazing. One of the things that has been bothering me is all the hate in our country. I know I can’t change twisted thinking, but I can spread kindness and understanding in my corner. If I am missing my children, I can reach out to make more opportunities to be together.

What is weighing on you? Is there anything you can do to calm your mental storm and heal the hard days? If you are struggling and cannot beat the funk, reach out for help.

Posted on

When Loss Comes in Waves

Have you ever noticed that loss seems to hit like a tsunami instead of being spread out? I have heard bad things happen in three, but I had a string of losses that exceeded even that.

The first loss was the death of my 36-year-old niece from brain cancer. She is a year younger than my oldest daughter. I cannot imagine losing your child. It’s hard not to ask why when someone dies that young. She left behind a young daughter who will go through life without a mother. 

The next situation was when a family member reached out for my help with another family member who was struggling both physically and mentally. It was a mess, and I felt inadequate because I had no idea how to help. The family member struggling mentally was sure he was going to die. It was heartbreaking to hear both family members sobbing on the phone. My husband said I helped the situation, but it wrecked me because I felt there was more I should do.

My next emotional hit came in the form of a goodbye. My youngest moved into her first home. I was so used to her living with us that it felt like a loss when she walked out the door. She kept telling me she was only 20 minutes away, but I wasn’t going to hear her coming in from work or hear her laughing heartily while playing Minecraft with friends. The loss was gut-wrenching for me. After she left, I sat on her bed and sobbed. It affected me also because she was my last child to leave. At that moment, I wanted them all to come home.

The final loss was the death of our 14 year-old cat. We brought her home for my youngest daughter and she was a love bug. She wanted to be wherever we were, or in a patch of sunshine.

Even at the end when she stopped eating and could barely walk, she would run in at night and jump on the couch with me to snuggle in the blankets.

We finally decided to end her suffering and say goodbye to a great pet.

How do you deal with loss? I need to process it gradually because I feel everything so deeply. If I deal with all the feelings at once I will be overwhelmed.

I always turn to running to help my mental health when the emotions are flowing. I can allow my mind and emotions to rest when I am moving.

Keeping focused on other tasks can help, but reaching out to share your feelings of loss is probably the best way to deal with it.

Posted on

Help With The Hard Days

Have you ever had a day when you feel exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally? Most of us have those days occasionally. It usually happens when a perfect storm of challenges hits us in succession. We need a moment and a chance to recharge. There is a great children’s show called Bluey and in one of the episodes the mom heads off to her room to be alone, and when her children ask why she did that, she answers, “Sometimes I just need 20 minutes.”

When we have rough days, and our energies are depleted, we need some ways to recover and recoup our forces. We need to don our mental armor to face another day. Here are a few ways to recover that work for me and I hope they will help you too.

  • Run away. Running away can take a variety of forms. I solve most of my mental fatigue by going for a long run. I can think through what is bothering me or empty my mind completely. If you don’t like to run, go for a walk. Maybe simply the act of moving away restores peace.

You can also run away to a place that brings you joy. That could be a local coffee shop, restaurant, bookstore, or a favorite room in your house. My frequent retreat involves me telling my husband I am going up to my room, and I’m not coming back down. I climb under the covers and either turn on mindless television or read. The other day I had nestled in when my daughter called and told me she was doing the same thing.

  • Go outside. Nature has healing power. I love sitting on the porch while I listen and watch everything happening around me.
  • Be still. I am terrible at this, but I recognize the benefits. I just have difficulty staying still because I want to do a million things, or there are a million things that need to be done. I had gone to the dermatologist to have a skin cancer removed and he told me to take it easy the rest of the day, so I was lying on the couch watching television when my son walked in and said, “Mom, are you sick?!”

My daughter has a three-year old and runs her own business. She is even worse at being still than I am. The other day, her son fell asleep on her and she couldn’t move for two hours while he napped. She told me it is those moments that tell her the importance of slowing down.

When you are still your senses are strengthened and you hear and see things more. Clear your mind and breathe.

  • Take care of something. Taking care of someone or something else is healing and it can take your mind off any troubles you may have. Taking care of something else can make you feel better. It has been proven that pets are good for our mental health. They love us unconditionally, and they can calm us down when our emotions are high. Taking care of plants can have the same effect.
  • Watch your favorite movie. Watching a movie and becoming lost in a story can help us forget our issues.
  • Listen to music. Music is healing. Listen to your favorite tunes and let your problems melt away.
  • Take a nap. A tough day doesn’t seem as bad when we are rested.
Posted on

We All Need Healing

Life is a beautiful mishmash of joys and sorrows, and at some point, we all can feel a little battered and bruised. When life overwhelms us, and we feel that we are struggling a little healing can make a big difference.

Healing can come in many different forms. It can be anything that comforts us or makes us better. Some find healing in inspiration. Seeing others achieve amazing things, or reading words of encouragement can help strengthen someone’s spirit.

I just published a running book called The Healing Power of Running where I compiled stories of people who were facing challenges, and they used running to heal and overcome the challenges. One story talks about a lady who had cancer and used running to prove she was greater than the disease. Another is the story of a man who was diagnosed with M.S., but instead of accepting the diagnosis, he decided he would do what he could to improve his health. He started running with his daughter and when he returned for a follow-up visit with his doctor, the doctor said he could not find any symptoms of the disease, so whatever he was doing he should keep doing it. When we see others rising above their challenges it motivates us to do the same. Their stories can heal us.

True friends and supportive family can heal us too. Everyone should have at least one friend to laugh with and share secrets. I wrote another book called 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden with the intention that the short bits of encouragement would be like receiving advice from your best friend. Laughter and love can always heal us.

I know there are people who don’t want to admit they need healing. They see it as a weakness that they want to hide, but admitting you need help shows courage. When you are transparent with your struggles it often opens the door for someone else to ask for help. In that way, not only are you healing yourself, but you are also healing others.

I hope if you are struggling you will reach out for a positive form of healing.