What do you remember from your classes? Do you remember how to diagnose a sentence or how to form the past tense in a language? It’s very possible that you do, but I imagine there are some things you remember better. Here are a few things more students remember than the material we teach.
They remember
How we made them feel. Are you the teacher who saw the potential or talent and nurtured it? You may be the first one who did. What if a student has a dream or a passion but doesn’t see the possibilities or his talent. How huge is it to unlock that dream. It could be as simple as making them feel special and showing them they are capable.
When we find the help they need. Parents don’t always see the same thing we see in the classroom. We might see that they learn differently and need some additional resources to find success. If we can find those resources for them it is a game changer.
Helping them live a dream. As a language teacher, I felt it was my job to plan trips to France for my students. I always loved seeing the joy and excitement they found in travel. I remember when two girls started crying when they saw the Eiffel Tower. They both told me they were crying because they thought they never would have the chance to see it.
Fun activities. Learning doesn’t always have to be serious. Incorporating fun events will make them love your subject even more. At Christmas, I started a tradition where the entire French program and their families would come to a potluck dinner so we could have our version of the French Christmas dinner, Le Réveillon. It created a family atmosphere and when everyone went home the janitor helped me clean up while I washed the dishes.
Our support. Learning becomes easier when you know you can take risks because someone will help you succeed. When our students know we want them to do well they try harder.
We have all found ourselves standing in front of a class while we teach passionately about the new material when we realize that no-one is really listening. In several minutes when you begin an activity to practice what you have been trying to teach them, the questions will begin. “What are we doing?” “I don’t understand how to do this.” “Have we done this?”My favorite example of this happened last year. Here is the exchange that occurred;
Me: O.k. put the paper in your folder.
Student 1: Mrs. Bonn, do we put the paper in our folder?
Me: Put the paper in your folder.
Student 2: Mrs. Bonn, what should we do with the paper?
This actually went on for another few minutes. Thankfully, I was able to see the humor, but it also made me think about how much time I waste when students are not paying attention. All of these questions could have been avoided if the students had been listening. There are ways to keep their attention though. Follow the following strategies and you may have more success keeping them focused.
You have to make it about them.
No matter what you are teaching, you have to find a way to tie it into their lives to make it meaningful. Ask your students questions about themselves while tying it into the material that you are teaching. If you can make that connection, you will have their attention.
Deal with the emotions first
Pay attention when your students are entering your room. It is fairly easy to pick up on any raw emotions that may flare up during class and turn your lesson plan that you worked on until midnight into mush. Try to diffuse the emotions before they even happen by addressing them. Ask simple questions such as “Is everything o.k.?” Ignoring obvious emotional upheaval is like sticking your head in the sand.
Use hands on activities
Do activities that involve everyone. The more students who are actively involved, the more focused attention you will see.
Get them up and moving
It is difficult for anyone to sit in a chair for a long period of time. Find activities where your students will be up and moving around. Place information that they need around the room and make them travel to different stations to find the information.
Use your presence
Move around the room and change your voice level to hold the interest in the room.
Use Visuals
This is an age where children use visual entertainment. We can use it to our advantage to teach them. I love saving interesting magazine pictures and turning the lesson plan into solving a puzzle about the picture.
Teaching is a profession that requires flexibility and a sense of humor. These two
qualities are necessary because the moment when a teacher thinks his expectations are
clear, his lesson plans well thought out, and his classroom management plan impeccable,
something inevitably happens that turns everything upside down. Flexibility is necessary
when this happens to be able to think on your feet and come up with a plan b and
a solution to whatever the current problem is. A sense of humor is necessary to avoid
any frustration when the best laid plans don’t work out. It helps to be able to laugh when
you are having a problem that was not discussed in any of your teaching classes.
Teaching is full of these ironies. Here are some examples of the ironies of teaching.
Your school has adopted a new textbook which comes with a variety of supplemental activities. Your principal is certain you will be a better teacher now that you have a book with all the bells and whistles. Unfortunately, you have to read three 1,000-page instructional manuals to know how to use any of them.
You spend four hours the night before a class preparing a great activity for the internet only to find when you enter the class that the server is down and the internet is not available.
You go to a great workshop on ways to use a projector in your classroom. When you return to class the next day, you discover that the school’s only projector has been broken and there are no imminent plans to fix it.
You prepare a special speech for parents’ night, and you put it in a folder so that you will not lose it. When it is time for your speech, you open up your folder to find that you are staring at your daughter’s kindergarten report.
You have a strict policy about the students turning in work on time, but you cannot seem to finish grading the report that they gave you a month ago.
You stay up until two a.m. writing a report on the effect of sleep deprivation on an individual’s work habits.
You have only one period for planning, grading, going to the bathroom, yet administrators are amazed that you have not replied to the e-mail that they sent five minutes ago.
A copy of your exams is due in the office in an hour, but every copier in the school has broken down at the same time.
A parent writes you a four-page e-mail which takes half of your planning period to read and wants to ask you if you have some extra time to meet with her so she can tell you everything that she just told you in the four-page e-mail.
You have five preps of full classes, and you also help with extracurricular activities. A colleague with two preps and small classes decides to tell you how overwhelmed she feels with all the work.
You are in the middle of exam week; your spouse is on a business trip and two of your children’s schools call and report that your children are ill and need to be picked up immediately. You try to rejoice that at least the third one is o.k. and then the cell phone rings.
You plan an amazing, stimulating lesson plan, but when you enter your class, you realize that last night the basketball team didn’t arrive home from a tournament until midnight and a major English paper is due today. Drooling zombies is the best you can hope for as an audience.
Teachers deal with a myriad of situations daily. Some of them are frustrating
and some of them are rewarding. No matter what the situation, it is the teacher who can
pull plan b out of the hat and then laugh at what happened who will be the one who
After teaching for forty years, if I had to give a new teacher ten tips to be a great teacher, here is what I would suggest.
Know your students. Know their names, their interests, and what motivates them. Ask them questions and show an interest in them. Show them that they matter and that you see them. When you do that, you can convince them they have value and they are special. When a student feels comfortable in your class and has a sense of belonging, teaching becomes easier. Two moments that were special for me were when parents let me know I had made their children feel special. I had a student named Guleus who was one of those multi-talented children, it is a privilege to know. After four years when I met his parents, I raved about him, showed some videos of contest presentations and described how wonderful he was. What parent doesn’t want to know if their child made a difference? Sophie was another student who will always be in my heart and was grossly underestimated in high school. At graduation, her mom introduced me to the family by saying, “This is Sophie’s person.”
Meet them where they are. When a new year starts, assess where your students are and gradually move them to where you need them to be. Expecting everyone to be stellar after day one is setting everyone up for stress and failure. It’s a marathon not a sprint.
Be a role model for them. If you expect them to do their homework, you have to do yours as well. Correct assessments in a timely manner, communicate well, keep grades updated, and listen to your students.
Don’t give up on anyone. School isn’t always the spot where someone is going to flourish. You never know when someone who struggles in your class might be your biggest success.
Cultivate relationships in the greater school community. It takes a village to be a good teacher so be kind to your colleagues and the administration. Build relationships with parents and local organizations that can support your teaching. Every Christmas, I hosted a French Christmas dinner for everyone in the French program. I remember the first year when I said to bring your whole family and one girl looked at me with wide eyes and said, “Madame, I have five siblings!” Everyone was welcome, we made it potluck so parents could show their cooking skills, and it created a feeling of family. Find your marigolds, the people who make you smile.
Be professional. Show up on time, do your work, be a team player, and be positive.
Give your best. It’s not enough to do the minimum expected. The students are counting on you, so do your best.
Build boundaries. You need to also take care of yourself, so make sure your students and parents know where those boundaries are.
Keep a sense of humor. This probably should have been number one because there will be days when everything goes horribly wrong like the day I was walking across the floor making eye contact with a student who had asked a question. I forgot about the plastic craft box on the floor and I stepped in it while wearing platforms and a dress. My foot slid out from under me and I went down hard. I jumped back up, threw my hands in the air and said, “Whooo! I’m okay!” but the students were horrified. I still laugh about that moment.
Give yourself some grace. A great teacher doesn’t have to be perfect!
Did you read all the books about parenting when you were expecting? I did, and I thought I was prepared for anything and then the chaos of real life named Jessica happened and I realized I was prepared for nothing. I have apologized to Jessica several times for having to be my first attempt at parenting, and I am thankful she survived.
Since Jessica survived her first three years, we decided to have another. Our son Tyler was born, and we were faced with a medical emergency because he had an AVM, (a bleeding vessel on the brain) He had a brain operation at a week old and is now a thriving 34 year old.
I had a third child at 43. Kaitlyn is a light who also gave us a medical scare at 18 months with an epileptic seizure. She was diagnosed with childhood epilepsy. During our time in the hospital, I discovered from my sister that I had childhood epilepsy as well. I asked the question again, “Why did know one tell me this?” Our family has been quiet about some key medical history facts.
I now have a three-year-old Grandson, and I will tell you that being a grandparent is a whole different type of parenting because I have to respect my child’s wishes, keep advice to myself except when asked for it, and do my best to remember parenting from years ago.
My parenting until this moment has taught me many lessons I would love to share with you.
Filter the advice. When you first give birth there are many emotions including fear, fatigue, and a general sense of feeling overwhelmed. You will find especially in the beginning that everyone wants to give you advice. Some of it will be good, but some will not. When my oldest daughter gave birth, she was worried about breast feeding. A friend said her breast was engorged and if Jess didn’t pump out the extra she would have to go back to the hospital. Thankfully, I remembered that your breasts have perfect memories, (mammeries have memories!) and I told her that her breasts would produce what she had needed the day before.
All your children have a unique identity. I have always been amazed how different three children can be even when they were raised in the same house. Embrace the identity that is the heart of each child. Give each child space to be who fits that identity. Especially, do not try to make your child a carbon copy of you. I have a friend who wanted her son to be an athlete. She made him go to football and lacrosse and he would come home crying because his passion was in theater.
The failures and triumphs both make great memories. You will struggle to see the failures as positives when they happen, but they can teach you valuable lessons, and you have family stories to tell.
There will be tough days but see the blessings not the burdens. Parenting can be tough, but your children will be grown before you know it, so enjoy the moments when they need you and think you are cool.
Document all the memories. Take a million pictures, find a box to store all their artwork, and keep a journal documenting the special moments.
Comparing yourself to other parents is wasted energy. You will never be perfect and that’s okay. Laugh when you mess up and do something different. Be transparent about struggles because that will help other parents with the same struggles, and they might have some good advice.
Your child wants your time. Even more than the newest toy, your child wants you. Show up for games, performances, and spend time together.
Be your child’s advocate. My finest moment as a parent was standing up to a teacher who called my daughter a liar. My daughter was going to a special class to improve her reading, and she would come home and tell me the teacher had screamed at them. The first time I said that maybe the teacher had a bad day but screaming was never okay. There were two more days like that and then I had enough when she told me the teacher called her a liar. I called her regular teacher who told me there were some parent complaints. I called some parents who told me some disturbing things, so I called her teacher and asked her to take her out of that class. I had to write a letter to the principal and then we had a meeting with the principal, her regular teacher, the special teacher, my husband and myself. The special teacher tried to bully me into keeping her in the class. (funding) I stayed calm and then unleashed with what I thought of her teaching methods. When we went outside, I asked my husband if I had said the right things. He looked at me with awe and said, “You were wonderful!” lol, 40 years of teaching came in handy.
Parenting does not stop at 18. When your child becomes an adult, he will still need you. The parenting will evolve, but you will always be a parent, and around 23, they will realize you are wise.
Don’t give your child everything. We want our child to be happy, but there is nothing wrong with making them work for it so they see the worth in it. Giving them everything they want will produce spoiled children.
Teach your children that actions have consequences. This is an important life lesson. Teaching them what they do is going to produce consequences. This can be a moment of tough lough, but it will yield huge results.
Be the model for your child. My children have thanked us several times when they have seen parents who made unfortunate choices. You don’t have to be perfect, but do your best to be good humans.
Show love even when it is difficult. Your child will not always be perfect. There will be times when you want to unleash the fury. Instead of saying things you might regret, ask questions to understand and teach some lessons.
Be vigilant. Check social media, monitor the phone, and know where they are. The world is too crazy with too many dangerous possibilities. Keep them safe!
Listen carefully. We are so busy that it is easy to not focus on what they are saying. Anxiety and depression throw up red flags and you should offer help when they show up.
Good luck on this crazy ride called parenting. Reach out to me with questions on my blog at www.jenniferswriting.org .
I had no idea what a wild ride teaching would be for me. It allowed me to travel the world, develop life-long friendships, and learn life-changing lessons. I hope I was able to teach my children half as much as what they taught me. Here are a few of the life lessons I learned.
Respect is so important. At the beginning of each school year, I spoke with my students about what my expectations were. In that conversation I mentioned how important respect was to me. I told them I would show them respect and I expected the same in return. Respect means to me that you see the value in someone. You appreciate who they are and how the person behaves, and what the person does to help you.
Everyone wants to feel valued, and respect is a step in that direction.
Never give up on someone. I remember working so hard with one boy, but he couldn’t seem to understand the concepts I was showing him. His final exam would determine whether he passed or failed, and I was worried about him. He told me before the exam he had studied everything, and he thought he was ready. As I graded his exam, I realized that something had clicked for him. He passed! You never know when someone is a blink away from success.
Relationships are key. I realized that relationships were more important than my material when I was teaching in Massachusetts at a boarding school. The connections I made there with students continue today and are more important to me than how much of my subject they remember.
Relationships mean memories. At my last school, I held a Christmas dinner at school for all the families and students in the French program. It was a chance for everyone to come together as a family, and the memories from those events will always make me smile. One night, a family brought a small piano and after dinner, we played and sang Christmas carols.
I also enjoyed cleaning up after dinner. After all the chaos of the dinner, it was nice to have some quiet. The janitor, Daniel, would help me carry the dirty dishes to the teacher’s lounge, and he helped me wash them and put them away. It was always so pleasant to spend that time with him.
Positivity can change an outcome. On the first day of school, I always spoke with my students about the power of positivity. I told them they needed to stop saying things like, “I’ll probably fail.” They needed to use positive phrases. I had a demonstration using positivity and negativity that was always effective. I continued to show them what positivity could do throughout the year, but the best moment was in my fourth period A.P. class when everyone was hungry. I said, “I’m going to walk into the teacher’s lounge and there is going to be a huge pizza sitting there. (Anything out on the table was for sharing.) I walked into the lounge and there was a huge pizza. I walked back into my room laughing to shouts of, “No way!”
Be an encourager. Everyone needs a cheerleader. Lift people up with encouraging words or a smile. The effect can be amazing.
Keep a sense of humor. There are days when it seems as if nothing is going right. Those are the days you should laugh and hope that things change for the better. It doesn’t do any good to let the hard moments pull you down. If you can laugh in the middle of a mess you might teach someone else to do the same and it is a valuable skill to know.
Be kind. You have no idea what burden someone is carrying, so give some grace when someone acts a little off and offer help when you can. At my last school, we were allowed to pray with our students, so I always asked for prayer requests before we started. That allowed me to see if someone was struggling and why.
Find your marigolds. We all need a few people we know we can count on to be kind and to be on our side. Those are your marigolds, and they are precious.
Teach more than your subject. Life is so much more than how well someone can memorize facts. Students are watching you as a role model. You have the power to teach some valuable lessons about being a good human being.
Be a safe haven. I received two compliments which I value above all else because they told me that I was accomplishing something that was very important to me. The first was from a sub who sat in my class until I had to leave for a dentist appointment. The next day she was at lunch, and she said, “I have never felt such a presence of God in a classroom before.” The second was last year when a former student went to dinner with me and said, “You were a safe haven for so many of us.” Those two comments mean the world to me because I think everyone needs a safe place to land.
Don’t strive for balance. Maybe someone has figured out how to balance a full-time job and a family, but we were living in chaos most of the time, but it was a happy chaos. If your house is messy and your laundry isn’t always done, give yourself grace.
Ask for help. Delegate some tasks to others and ask for help when you are overwhelmed.
Accept different perceptions. People see things differently and need different approaches to understand certain things. Try to accept those different views.
Have fun. Probably the most important point is to have fun with what you do. Enjoy the moments.
As a parent of three, I remember parenting can often feel like a focus on mere survival, but the small attempts at being the best parent you can be, can make a huge difference in the person your children become. Use the resources you have to give your children a chance to build memories and ask yourself what outcome you are hoping for when your children become adults.
When each of my children was born, I prayed they would be good people. I wanted them to be kind and thoughtful, but I also wanted them to know how to stand up for themselves. I enrolled two of them in karate to teach them self-defense and discipline. My oldest daughter was tough enough without the class!
Making traditions has always been important to me, and I love it when my children carry on those traditions with their families. All three children understand the importance of family time. They know how to enjoy those sweet moments together.
Children need to be around other children, so think about enrolling them in free classes where they can interact. We sent ours to soccer camp where we watched a herd of children run from one side to the other. We also sent them to art camp and an outdoor adventure camp.
As a French teacher, I was expected to organize student trips to France, so I took my children with me. I wanted them to become global citizens. If you can afford travel, it is an amazing educational experience to teach about other cultures and perceptions.
Consider communicating with them about social media before they are allowed to use it. After they start to use it, continue to keep the communication channels open.
Teach your children how to interact with others by modeling it for them. Teach them to be servant leaders.
Decide what else you want your children to learn from you, and continue to do your best in survival mode.
When I was expecting my first child I read as many parenting books as I could because I wanted to be prepared. I didn’t know that nothing would prepare me for the beautiful, crazy way my life was about to change.
When my daughter was born and the sleepless nights began, I told the pediatrician that I needed help keeping her on a schedule. He looked at me and said, “Babies, don’t have schedules.” I was thinking, “but the book said they do. What other lies did they tell me?”
Here are a few of the many parts of parenthood that you won’t find in a book.
In the early years, you may find yourself wishing you could have five minutes to yourself, but when they are older you will wish they would spend five more minutes with you.
Parenting teaches you vital life skills like resiliency, flexibility, and mental strength.
You will have to make decisions for your child that are for her good instead of enabling her, and that can be hard.
You will feel fierce protectiveness and love like nothing you have known before.
Parenting will humble you. It’s difficult to look cool after a diaper blowout in a restaurant, or a nasty tantrum in the middle of the grocery store.
You will learn about strange childhood diseases like Roseola Virus that strikes around 18 months and comes with a high fever, a rash, and vomiting. There are some disgusting ones like pin worms which is when your child plays in the dirt and then puts his finger in his mouth, and suddenly there are white worms in his butt.
You understand the anxiety your parents went through when your child spends the night somewhere else.
You will learn sneaky ways to help your child do the right thing.
When your child does something wrong you will feel guilty and wonder if it was because you are a bad parent. Spoiler alert! You probably are not.
You will see parents who seem to parent effortlessly while you are on a daily struggle, but that parent is only better at hiding the mess.
The laughter of your children is beautiful music.
You will be able to tell that your child has a messy diaper from ten feet away.
What worked once to solve a problem, will not work a second time.
Your child will be an adult in a blink of an eye.
These are only a few of the many things you will encounter as a parent. It is a day-by-day learning experience and a beautiful ride.
I have always believed that one of the best educational goals is to become a global citizen. If you can afford to travel then that is possibly the most fun way to learn about the world, but you can still become a global citizen by making a consistent effort to learn about different countries and their cultures right at home.
My daughter and I just returned from a trip to France. We took eight women on their first trip there. Two of them had never been out of the country, so it was interesting to see them experience a different culture. They all agreed on the importance of opening up our worldview to expand beyond our environment. Here are a few reasons they mentioned.
Understanding a different style of life
Different cultures have different lifestyles and priorities. There is a different pace for the way things move. In the United States, we often eat quickly because we need to get back to work, or because we are off to our next activity. In France, food is meant to be savored and eaten slowly and enjoyed with family and friends. Life moves slightly slower there.
Breaking down stereotypes
When you travel you can dispel many of the stereotypes you may have heard and you can be an ambassador who proves that the stereotypes they have for us are wrong.
Sharing perspectives
Different cultures have different perspectives on subjects than we do. They are fascinated by what happens in our country; if you take the time to talk to people, you will find a different way to perceive things.
Learning about history, art, music, and literature
Bookstores, museums, artists centers, and street musicians offer interactive learning possibilities.
Enjoying the food from a culture
Food is considered an art form in France. Each region has a specialty that has ties to history. What a great way to learn about a country!
I wanted my children to understand that different cultures may see topics differently because of their culture. I wanted to sponsor understanding and communication in my children.
I taught for 40 years, and every year I put my heart and my soul into my classes hoping my students would master the material. Still, about halfway through my career, I realized that there were life skills I could teach them while teaching the material and those life skills were so much more crucial than mastering my content. Here are a few of the concepts that are important to teach our children.
Positivity
At the start of every school year, I would talk to my students about the power of a positive attitude. I used a demonstration to prove my point. I would ask for a volunteer and tell the student to hold out one arm, shoulder height, and ask them to start saying, “I will hold my arm up”. I had them say it about 6 times and then I would try to pull the arm down, but the arm wouldn’t budge. Then I would tell the student to say, “I cannot hold my arm up.” I would push on the arm again and the arm always dropped. The students were always surprised and usually one or two more wanted to try. I talked to them about how our attitude influences our performance and how you should turn your words from negative to positive and see what happens.
I showed my family many years ago what you can do when you send out positive thoughts. We would pull into a restaurant where the parking lot was almost full and I would say, “We are going to get right in.” They were surprised the first few times it worked. Yesterday, we went to our favorite breakfast spot which is always busy. My husband dropped us off and parked the car. Of course, we were seated immediately. He came in and said, “Positivity wins again!”
Kindness
Everyone carries a burden of some kind and there is no way to know who is carrying a heavy one. We need more kindness to heal the hurt and it is so easy to do. It’s great if you can afford to buy someone a coffee, but simple acts can have huge impacts. These include a smile, a kind word, or listening to someone who needs to tell you his story. Our most precious gift to someone is often our time.
Resilience
Life can be tough sometimes, and recovering each time you feel knocked down can be an important life skill. A sense of humor is a great weapon when learning to be resilient.
Boundaries
I love helping people, but sometimes people take advantage of a kind nature. Teach your children to express what they are willing to do and what is beyond their comfort level. Saying no can often make a situation better if saying yes would make you feel overwhelmed and unhappy. Drawing boundaries also means letting people know your standards and how you want to be treated.
Follow your dreams
I have seen too many people who are miserable because they didn’t follow their passions. If you feel at peace doing something and it is something you can’t wait to do in the morning then that is what you should do.
Balance
Small children are fun to watch because they approach everything with so much joy. They play hard but they also value the quiet times that might be found exploring for bugs or curling up and coloring. As they grow their day can be jammed with activities, but they still need time to play. Help them figure out how to do that.
Priorities
What is important in your life? What brings you joy? We should do our best to teach our children what matters in life and guide them on how to make those things priorities.
Healthy relationships
When children are little everyone is a potential friend, but when they are older relationships become more complicated. Talk to them about the difference between a healthy and a toxic relationship.
Transparency
When you are honest with your child about your struggles you can teach him about the importance of communication and talking about what is happening in each person’s life.
Healthy habits
You are your child’s model. Show them the importance of healthy eating and exercise.
Jennifer’s writing 