Fall is a perfect time to curl up on the couch under a blanket with your favorite books. I have written a few that I would like to suggest to you.
I just published a romance called A Hidden Treasure. It takes place in Regency England, where Emily Randal must deal with the challenges that many women of her time also face. She is expected to marry, but she finds her choices to be lacking, until her childhood friend, Rylan, steps back into her life. She could lose her family’s home to her nefarious cousin, and before that happens, she wants to find the famous treasure her great-grandmother hid as she tried to protect her family and home.
I have another new release called Help for the Hard Days. This is a series of essays to encourage you on those difficult days.
My fourth children’s book will be released very shortly. It is called Parker and the Boys Next Door, The Importance of Friendship.
These books and all the rest of the books I have written can be purchased on Amazon.
I learned how to navigate the ultra-marathon world by making every possible mistake but learning from each one. Finally, I decided to add the expertise of an ultra-expert to the lessons I have learned, so I asked my friend to share everything he knows about ultras. The result was three pages of notes, and the feeling that I was finally prepared to take on this beast, which is unlike any other race. Here are a few pieces of advice that have saved me more than once.
You can do almost anything one more time. Instead of looking at the total mileage ahead, take it one mile at a time. I mostly do loop ultras, so I tell myself to do one more loop, and then I can see how I feel; then I continue to do that.
You have to know how to fuel the machine. Experiment with various foods and drinks to determine what works best for you. I cannot drink the typical electrolytes offered at races because they are too strong for my stomach, so I had to find something gentler. I alternate between drinking that and water. I eat half of a peanut butter sandwich before the race starts, and I eat something every hour to continue replacing the calories I am burning. When I reach higher mileage, I often feel slightly nauseous. When that happens, I eat 5 ginger cookies, and that calms my stomach. My two worst experiences were related to my stomach. The first incident occurred because I didn’t take in any electrolytes, and the second was due to my stopping eating. Neither was a good decision.
Use mental techniques to keep going. When you hit the wall and the negative voices start to overtake your mind, have some ways to get motivated again. It could be as simple as telling yourself, ‘If you can do one more lap, you can take a break and eat a bag of Fritos.’ Another idea is to make yourself run to a certain point and keep changing the spot.
Taking short rest breaks can help you become stronger. When I first started running ultras, I wanted to attack it. I didn’t want to stop to rest because I wanted to get the best mileage I could. I felt that resting would be wasted energy. I didn’t realize how much rest could improve my performance.
Run your own race. Don’t compare yourself to other runners. Focus on doing your best, and do what works for you.
Realize that an ultra is a different race. Very few of the rules that work for shorter races will work for an ultra. Be a good observer as you watch what the veteran runners do and listen well as you ask questions of the other runners.
Pickle juice is your friend. I was skeptical when a friend told me pickle juice could keep me from being too sore, but it actually works! I take small sips throughout the race, or I eat the actual pickles.
Be ready for anything. Most ultra runners look like they have enough gear to camp for a week, but it’s because they know they have to be ready for anything. If the race is on trail, I’m bound to fall, so a good med kit is necessary for me. I have been at races where it was pouring one minute and then scorching hot the next.
Do you ever feel like life is a war where you are only doing your best to survive? Those are the days when you need to know what your weapons are, and what is the best way to use them.
I’m not talking about guns and swords, or other methods of violence. I’m talking about words and actions you can use to protect your peace, motivate yourself, and find happiness. Here are a few ideas that work for me.
Remember, you have more power than you think in your interactions. You might not be able to choose what happens to you or some of the situations you encounter, but you always have the choice on how to respond.
There are certain personality types where someone loves to argue, so you will walk away from these arguments shaking your head and asking yourself what just happened. These people love drama, and they will take any excuse to engage in it. Your weapon in this case is to not engage. Have a set of phrases ready that give a non-committal response. If you jump in with both feet, you will come out bloodied emotionally. Rest in the assurance that proving you are right is not worth it.
You have to draw boundaries to show people how to treat you. There should be no discussion except for a clear description of what those boundaries are. If the boundaries are not respected, it’s time to distance yourself.
You need to take time to heal. Every warrior needs to take time to regroup, rest, and recharge. You will always come back stronger if you take time to heal. Do what fills you and gives you peace. Movement of any kind has always helped me. I also find peace through reading, writing, and music.
Realize that someone’s opinion doesn’t have to be the truth. Have you ever been in a situation when someone criticizes you and you start to ask yourself if you would act that way even though the claim is outlandish? Just because someone has an opinion about you, it doesn’t mean it’s true, so carry on with your bad self.
There are so many situations that can steal our peace, so sharpen your weapons before you need them, so that when the need arises, you are prepared.
If you are a person of a certain age, you remember life before cell phones. We used landlines to call people, we used maps to navigate highways, and texting didn’t exist. We went to the theater to watch movies, and television was only viewed on a television.
When portable phones appeared, all of that changed, but it changed gradually, seeping into our lives, making things more convenient, and we saw all the benefits. Unfortunately, there is a dark side to cell phones in our lives. They have become everything to us, to the point that we cannot imagine leaving home without our phones. They have slipped into our lives, and they control us to a certain point. Here are 5 reasons why our phones control us.
Your phone knows you. Your phone is always collecting data about you. How many times have you had a conversation with someone, and after that conversation, videos and articles start to appear around what was said?
I also notice that when I browse online, whatever I was looking at suddenly pops up all over my feed.
Your phone finds out your interests and your likes and uses that knowledge to keep you interested.
It gives you what you want. I argued with my daughter, and suddenly the reels on social media were all about having issues with family members. It was as if my phone was giving me validation that I wasn’t at fault in the argument.
Because it knows so much about you, your phone provides you with the videos, music, and ads you want.
Your phone isolates you. Have you ever seen a family at a restaurant where everyone is on their phone instead of engaging in conversation? It is an escape, but it is also isolation because you are interacting with a machine instead of people.
It becomes indispensable. I was in the car on my way to an appointment when I realized I didn’t have my phone. I panicked. What would happen if I had an accident? What would I do to amuse myself while waiting for the appointment? We rely on our phones for almost everything.
It leaves you wanting more. Have you ever been watching videos and realized it’s late, but you tell yourself you will watch just one more, then one more? How long can you go without looking at your phone?
Most of us can agree that our phone controls us, but our phones have become a toxic convenience, so how do we draw healthy boundaries about how much time we spend on our phones?
I was thrilled about becoming a mother, and I thought everything would be okay if I loved my children with all my heart and provided the best care possible. I wish someone had talked to me about the tangle of emotions that was about to happen and how to navigate all those feelings. I especially wish someone had explained parental guilt to me.
I have three children, and with each one, I found myself feeling guilty about everything. I felt guilty about working and dropping them off at daycare, not spending enough time with them, and falling asleep while I read a bedtime story. I felt guilty if they didn’t do well in school, and if they got into trouble, I was sure it was because of my shoddy parenting.
The feeling of guilt has followed me into my children’s adult years, but I have finally learned how to survive that guilt and preserve my peace. Here are a few things I have learned that I hope can help you.
Create boundaries. When your children are little, they push the boundaries to see how much control they have. Creating boundaries that define where their control ends and yours begins makes them feel safe and lets them know the chain of command. They will continue to push those boundaries into adulthood, so keep your boundaries steady and firm.
Don’t enable them. I wanted my children to have what they wanted, but it would have done more good if I gave them what they needed and made them work for what they wanted. Doing everything for your children or giving them their every need does not build good character. The things you have to work for are always more meaningful than what is just handed to you.
Shut down arguments with a few key phrases. Arguments can steal your peace, and they usually don’t end with a good resolution, so here are a few phrases to shut down an argument that is going nowhere.
I hear you
We will have to agree to disagree
That’s your opinion
Let’s have this discussion another time when we are calmer
Do not let your emotions match your child’s. Stay calm.
When they criticize you, remember it’s their opinion. When your child claims you are acting a certain way, do you jump to the defensive even though your child has no grounds for this claim? Remember it’s his opinion and not necessarily true. Use the above statement, “That’s your opinion.”
Demand respect. You care for and love your children. You deserve the same respect you show them. Do not tolerate lying, cursing, unkindness, or condescension.
My final suggestion is that you always let them know you love them. You might need to restate boundaries, demand an apology, but if you are doing your best and showing love, you can kick the parental guilt to the curb.
Everyone includes major monuments like the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower on their Paris itinerary. Still, if you don’t go into a pharmacy while you are there, you will miss out on an extraordinary experience. We don’t have anything like French pharmacies in the United States, but I wish we did. Let me explain what they are like by describing why you should visit them.
You can receive the care you would receive at a doctor’s office without paying an office fee or needing a prescription for minor ailments. Traveling can be rough because you can’t travel with all the cures you use for small issues like a sore throat, allergic reaction, cold, or bug bite. You can go into a pharmacy, consult with the pharmacist, and receive the necessary medication at a reasonable price.
Here are a few stories I have experienced at pharmacies. For about a year, I kept having allergic reactions to something, but I couldn’t figure out what was causing it. I was in France with a student group, and I took a girl who had never had a crepe to one of the best crepe stands. We both bought enormous chocolate and banana crepes and ate every bite. A few minutes later, I was walking back with my daughter to our friend’s apartment when I said to my daughter that my legs were burning. I pulled up my white pants and saw that my legs were crimson. I was having an allergic reaction to the hazelnuts in the chocolate. My friend rushed me to the pharmacy. Let me tell you that a Frenchman driving in a hurry is a scary experience! When we arrived, I showed the lady my leg and said I was reacting to nuts. She turned around, grabbed a package from the shelf, and said, “Take one of these right now!” The reaction was gone in a day.
I often become ill after being on the plane. I am a germ magnet. On one trip with my family, I felt awful, but I was trying to soldier on. At night, I would start coughing, so I went to the pharmacy, explained my situation, and the pharmacist gave me cough drops and syrup. The syrup was like Nyquil on steroids. My husband said he shook me once to make sure I was okay, and I didn’t move. French medicine is strong.
The best story was when we entered a small pharmacy because my daughter had asked me to buy some skin care. The pharmacist was tending to a young woman who was having horrible cramps from her period. They were so bad that she was nauseous and couldn’t stand up. The pharmacist had her in the back with a hot water bottle on her stomach, and she was treating her as if it were her daughter. She even called the woman’s boss and told her she wasn’t capable of working.
Most pharmacists are capable of helping you with skin care, makeup, and health issues. My favorite place to receive the best advice is at Forum les Halles. Employees are circulating, asking if you need help, and they sincerely want to help. They also are not trying to push products on you. I had some moisturizer of a product I like. The woman helping me told me it wasn’t for my skin type and put it back on the shelf. During our last visit, we asked a woman about gut health, and she gave us a product that she said was amazing. I just started taking it, so I’ll let you know.
The prices are often half of what we pay in the States. Several years ago, a dermatologist recommended a cream to me called Cicalfate. It is a repair cream. It usually costs between $26-$28 here, but it costs $13 in France. The woman in the pharmacy said that every household needed to have that cream.
The staff is so caring. I always feel like my mom is fussing over me, and when I don’t feel good, some extra love helps.
You discover some great products.
I hope you have a chance to explore the pharmacies. Wherever you see a large green cross, that designates a pharmacy. Don’t be afraid to go in and ask questions.
So many people ask me what they should know about traveling to Paris for the first time because I lived in France, taught French for 40 years, brought 20 student trips to France, and go at least once a year myself. I still learn something new every time I go, but I have some information that will make your trip go smoothly.
My first response to someone asking what they need to know before they go is to say there are too many things to tell someone in only a few minutes, but there are some very important things to know, so I decided to put as much of that information as I could in an article.
My first piece of advice would be to continue to check the price of your flight from the time you book it until your departure. If the price goes lower than what you paid, you have the right to a credit, but you have to ask for it. Call the airline, and they will take care of it. The costs of tickets fluctuate a lot.
When you pack, include a cloth tote you can use for shopping. You usually have to pay extra for a bag at stores, and some stores don’t have them at all. They are also great for all the open-air markets you can find in Paris.
Pack a water bottle because there are water fountains everywhere.
The weather is changeable, so dress in layers and dress comfortably. There are cobblestones, so wear comfortable shoes.
Before you leave, order euros from your bank. It is an inexpensive way to procure your money, and even though you might think you will only need a credit card, there are times you might need cash. Mine always comes within two days.
I reserve a taxi service for both ways. The one I use is Airport Taxi Transfers. A driver contacts you on WhatsApp and tells you where to meet. We have used them for four trips, and the experience was great each time.
Bring a small pouch or change purse for change and always have some with you because public bathrooms cost a euro, and ones in cafés and attractions also sometimes suggest a tip.
Go to large tourist attractions early. Notre Dame is attracting even more tourists than normal after the renovation. It opens at 7:45. We arrived at 8:15, and the line was short, but within an hour it was very crowded.
In many restaurants, you have to pay at the counter. This way, you can pay when you are ready or enjoy some people watching. You will never be rushed. Food is meant to be savored.
When you first arrive, you may be tired and want to nap, but keep moving and don’t go to bed until your usual time. That will help you adjust to the time difference. France is 6 hours ahead of the U.S.
Be prepared that most hotel rooms are small and the shower often is uncovered.
Accept that there will be differences, but explore those differences and respect them when you can.
Don’t rush through your trip. Be an observer and realize you are in a country full of history, beautiful architecture, art, music, and literature. The Luxembourg Gardens are a good example. There is history around every corner. Each statue depicts someone from history or literature. Inside the garden, you will find a beehive, a vineyard, a playground, a sandcastle building pit, pony rides, and a pond where children can sail boats.
To the left of the garden, there is a long strip of grass that is dedicated to lounging and picnicking. One side is open each day while the other side is closed to give the grass a chance to recover.
There are free bathrooms in the front and the back, but you will have to pay at the one in the middle near the tennis and bocce courts. Stroll through and observe everything, or sit and take in the beauty. My husband loved seeing chairs grouped together. He commented that we need to spend time sitting in a park, talking with each other.
Bathrooms in France could be a separate article. Most bathrooms in restaurants are downstairs. Bring some change with you in case a tip is expected. I always told my students to use a bathroom when they saw one because they don’t seem as numerous as they do in the U.S.
Even if you don’t speak French, kindness is a universal language. I hope these tips help.
Have you ever had a day when you woke up angry, hating the whole world, and you are annoyed at everything? Some days you might be in a fine mood, but your day starts off badly, or you have an unpleasant interaction with someone and that sets the tone for the day.
Even the most positive person has these days, but they aren’t pleasant for the person having them, or the people who are around the negativity. I always know when my husband is having one because he contradicts everything I say. I could say, “The sky is such a pretty blue.” He will answer, “It’s not really that blue, it’s grayer.” Instead of needing to feel that I am right, I see the humor and realize he is only having one of those days.
Being in a bad mood is never a good feeling, but you always have the power to change that negative energy to positive. Here are a few ideas to help you improve your mood.
Find the funny. I find it difficult to stay in a bad mood when I start laughing. Watch funny videos online, or a movie that makes you laugh. Spend time with that person who makes you laugh so hard that your stomach hurts. Watching the antics of animals and small children can bring a smile to your face.
Retreat and recharge. Do you ever feel like you need some time away from everyone and everything? Making a mini escape is a healthy way of preserving your mental health. It is easy to be overwhelmed, and taking some time to be quiet and have time to yourself can help you come back stronger.
Rest. I know this is probably easier said than done, but fatigue can wreck your mood, and when you are feeling down a quick nap, or watching a movie on the couch, or curling up and reading can feel like heaven.
Eat your favorite food. Food is good medicine and one of life’s greatest pleasures. Cooking is also a great way to reclaim your peace. Put together your favorite meal and watch your bad mood slip away.
Go outside and move. Being outside and moving are both ways to heal your mood. It doesn’t matter what form of movement you choose. It could be running, walking, biking, playing with children, swimming, gardening, or any other activity. I love to run and that is what I do anytime my emotions swamp me.
Always remember you have the power to change your mood, you only need to discover which tools work best for you.
Have you ever had a friendship that started out great and then gradually turned into something toxic? If you are caring, loving, and a people pleaser you are a toxic target, so chances are you have dealt with this situation more than once.
It should be easy to walk away from a relationship like that, but it isn’t, is it? I have been there too, and I can offer a few hints to recover from the devastation one of these friendships can leave.
It helps to realize why toxic people gravitate to you. Toxicity comes in many forms but two of the most common forms are narcissism and manipulation. As a people person, you are safe for the people with these traits. At least for awhile you will serve their needs, forgive them, and make excuses for them. They will continue to misuse you because they know you are trying to understand their actions.
Learn to recognize toxic. A toxic person wants to be adored. They cannot stand not being seen and they can be hateful if someone stands in the way. A toxic person always feels she does everything the best and is quick to criticize the attempts of others. This person wants you to do everything for her. When you raise an issue, she will try to make it look like it is your fault not hers. She will never accept guilt for behaving badly. If someone treats you badly consider that person to be toxic.
Listen to other family and friends. I have unfortunately had several toxic relationships that I held onto for too long. The worst was a woman that I thought was my best friend. We spoke every day and shared so much laughter. Unfortunately, she showed every toxic quality you can imagine. She manipulated me, talked behind my back, and the list goes on. If I complained about her treatment she would say she knew she was difficult, or she would make it sound like something I had done. My family was furious with her and continually told me she was not a friend. I finally listened and distanced myself from her, but the whole situation devastated me. I kept asking myself if I had done something wrong. If you are doing the same thing let me tell you to let that feeling go. It wasn’t you.
Take time to grieve. Losing a friendship is always disappointing, so take time to be sad but only for a minute because you closed the door on a bad relationship and you are opening yourself up to better possibilities.
The best revenge is semi-forgiveness. One of the things my toxic friend said was that she hated to be ignored. She loved drama. Don’t give that relationship any more fuel. You can forgive her and let go of all the negative emotions, but don’t ever let her back in as a friend. She is missing out on someone cool like you.
Start finding some new friends. The best way to find good friends is through the good ones you already have.
Relationships take give and take, but a toxic one is one-sided, so walk away from those before you are too invested.
Emily and Aunt Tilly were enjoying breakfast the next day when Aunt Tilly told Emily about the trip to the country the Duchess had mentioned. The duke was hosting a dinner and soirée Saturday night. Emily and Aunt Tilly spent the rest of the meal discussing preparations, then Emily rose and told Aunt Tilly She and Sophie were going to pay a call on the countess and her granddaughter that afternoon.
“Oh, Countess Clifton! I have always liked her. Her husband died several years ago leaving her a very wealthy woman. I do not believe her marriage was a love match, but adversity can make a person stronger, and she is certainly no one’s fool. She and your mother were good friends. Give her my regards.”
“I will Aunt Tilly. What will you do for the rest of the day?”
“I am going to find a very boring book and read it in a comfortable chair near the fire.”
Emily knew that meant her aunt would be taking a very long nap.
Sophie came by to pick Emily up in the ducal carriage and they rode the short distance to Countess Clifton’s house.
The London house of the countess was charming and imposing at the same time. It was elegant and looming, but the flowers blooming in the side garden softened the general appearance.
They were greeted by a butler named Watson. Both girls liked him immediately. He had a twinkle in his eyes and a brilliant smile.
“Good afternoon, ladies. Lady Virginia and the Countess are in the family parlor waiting for you. I will make sure tea is ready.”
Watson showed them down the hall and opened the door to the family parlor. Countess and Lady Virginia, Lady Sophie and Lady Emily are here to call on you.”
The countess turned. “Thank you, Watson. Please come in Lady Sophie and Lady Emily.”
Emily couldn’t hide her expression as she looked at possibly the most beautiful room she had ever seen. There were roses in every color which added an explosion of color to the room. The drapes were light and airy, the carpet begged you to walk barefoot on it, and the sofas looked perfect for curling up with a good book. The overall effect was very feminine and inviting.
The tea tray arrived, and Virginia poured for them. They spoke for a few moments about the weather and all the other polite bits of conversation that was expected of them. Emily then turned to Virginia. “Lady Virginia, I hope you don’t mind me asking about a comment you made after saving me from Lord Crowell. When I said I didn’t know why Lord Crowell was interested in me you seemed surprised that I would say that. Can you explain to me what you meant?”
Virginia turned a slight rose color. “My grandmother knows all the greatest gossips of the ton and they are saying Lord Crowell’s father is tired of his son spending his allowance on women and gambling. He gave him an ultimatum. Lord Crowell has 6 months to marry well and change his ways, or his father will cut him out of his will. Lord Crowell has decided you would be the perfect bride.”
“Lady Virginia, I’m not the perfect bride for anyone. I depend on my elderly aunt with whom I live, and I am not the elegant socialite that most men prefer.”
It was Lady Virginia’s turn to look perplexed. “Your aunt is wealthy; you own Rose Gate which provides even more wealth. You are also the God daughter of the duke and duchess. Either your aunt or the duke will surely provide you with a substantial dowry.”
The countess added, “Lord Crowell is spreading rumors saying you seduced him in the garden last year. He is hoping the scandal will force you to marry him. We all know how easy it is to ruin a lady. If he continues to spread rumors, you may have to marry to avoid scandal.”
Emily stared at the countess as she absorbed this revelation. Sophie reached out and held her hand.
The countess continued. “I don’t think a marriage to avoid scandal has to be with Lord Crowell, but you might be pressured to marry someone. Of course, I don’t think the duke has heard the rumors, and we all know how fiercely he defends his family. He may be able to convince Lord Crowell to stop spreading vicious gossip.”
The countess turned fully to Emily. “Lady Emily, I’m afraid there is more, but it is mere speculation. Even so, I think you should know what is being said.”
“Please continue Countess. I would like to hear what you have to say.”
“When your parents died, your cousin came to the solicitors with proof that your father owed him serious gambling debts. It was a significant amount that took all of your parents’ fortune. You would have lost your holdings of Rose Gate and your London house, but your Aunt Tilley had enough money to pay the rest of the debt. Your brother Henry remains the heir to those estates. The odd thing was that no one knew your father ever gambled. There were questions among the ton about the validity of the vowels your cousin produced.”
Emily was pale. “My Aunt never told me. I know she wanted to protect me. Thank you, Countess and Lady Virginia. I appreciate you telling me all of this.”
The countess smiled and continued, “Both your parents were well loved by their friends. They were good, honest people, and I believe you also inherited those traits. If Virginia and I can assist you in any way, please let us know. Be careful Emily. We believe Lord Crowell will stop at nothing to make you marry him. If he can compromise you, it would ruin you and give you no option but to marry him. I would avoid him at all costs.”
Emily sighed, “I will try, but he seems to appear when I least expect it.”
Lady Virginia squared her shoulders and exclaimed, “Don’t underestimate the power of your friends to interfere with Lord Crowell’s plans. I assure you it will be our pleasure. He is a hideous man.”
“Thank you, Lady Virginia. I truly appreciate your help and your friendship.”
The countess proclaimed, “Well, we cannot do anything without sustenance, so let’s enjoy cook’s famous biscuits.”
As Sophie and Emily climbed back into the ducal carriage, Sophie turned to Emily.
“Emily, come with me to my house and we can talk with my father. He is so good at solving problems. If we wait until this weekend, he will be too busy with the guests at the house party.”
“Do you think he would mind Sophie?”
“Of course not. My parents consider you as one of their children.”
“Thank you, Sophie. I appreciate it.”
“It will also give you another chance to see Rylan.” Sophie looked straight ahead and did her best to look serious, but a huge grin appeared as Emily stared at her with her mouth open.
“Sophie, what are you talking about?”
“Emily, he hasn’t stopped talking about you since the ball, and he is very excited about going to the country this weekend, and I don’t think it is only because he can be around the horses. How would you feel if you found out he was attracted to you?”
“Sophie, I can’t deny that Rylan has grown into a fine man, but he will need someone as his future duchess. I hardly think I qualify for that role.”
“Why do you always portray yourself as less than you are? You are the God daughter of the duke and duchess, your character is flawless, you are intelligent, and you are beautiful. Start to take up the space you deserve.”
“Sophie, I appreciate your kind words. I confess I wouldn’t mind exploring a relationship with Rylan. What about you and Will?”
Sophie turned tomato red. “I can’t completely explain it, but from the first time we saw each other after he returned, we don’t want to be apart. When he enters a room, my heart beats faster and I have trouble breathing. Is that love Emily?”
Jennifer’s writing 