Jennifer’s writing

     My husband has just expressed his concern again for the fact that I am dead tired, trying to fit in a power nap so I can rush off to my next responsibility. He is telling me I need to slow down for my health, and I know he is right, but my personality seems to be wired for this. There are a million things I want to do, and not enough time to do them all. My husband tells me I should let some things go, which sounds like a very sensible solution, but I would not know which to discontinue. Most of my life I have been moving too fast and trying to do too many things at once. I knew I had a problem when I had a small skin cancer removed, and the doctor said I should rest for the remainder of the day. I lay down on the couch to watch television, and as my older children came into the room, they both asked, “Mom, are you sick?” They were so unaccustomed to me lying down and relaxing, they thought I must be ill.

     Since my youngest was born, she has helped me to slow down and realize what my priorities should be, and although I still want to do everything, and push myself too hard, I know that slowing down can be a positive thing. It is healthier to go slower for many reasons, and I have made several changes in my life to take things at a slower pace. I will share these ideas with you.

     When co-workers or friends or family members want to talk with you, put down the phone, and stop typing e-mail. Make eye contact and fully listen to what they have to say. Relationships in life are more important than anything else we do, and we need to cultivate them.

Whatever you are doing, and wherever you are, be there completely, and don’t lose your focus by thinking about the next task or activity before you get to it. Fully enjoy each moment of your day.

     Imagine that you are at the checkout line with a cart full of groceries, and the person behind you has a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter. Let that person go in front of you and assure them you are in no rush.

     I know what it feels like when you are already late for work, and as you turn onto the highway you realize the traffic is almost at a standstill. Letting your stress go through the roof is not going to help you get to work faster. Relax and even let some people into traffic from their side streets. Listen to some great music, and work through your day in your head.

     Take some time every day to show the ones you love that you care. Your work will be waiting when you are done. When my youngest comes into my office, I stop what I am doing even if I have a million things to do. She is going to be out on her own before I know it, so other things can wait while I enjoy my time with her.

     I can feel guilty that I am doing too much, and guilty about not doing enough, but I do know it is a useless emotion. Throw it out with the garbage. Slowness is not always easy for those of us who are driven, but I am trying to embrace the positive aspects of slowing down a bit to enjoy the ride.

Here are some ideas of activities to enjoy when you slow down. Sit somewhere comfortable, close your eyes, breathe deeply, and imagine an ideal scene for you. Visualize something wonderful you want to happen. See it happening and believe it can happen.                                

• Pick up a great book and leave the world behind for a while as you explore a fantasy world or learn something new.
• Go down the numbers on your cell phone, and call some friends you have not spoken to in a while. Send out some long overdue e-mails. Get together with some friends to share some stories and laughter.                          
• Take a nap or sleep a little later in the morning. Stretch out the length of the bed like the cat.
• Watch something that does not require any mental activity. Unfortunately, you will not have any problem finding something.
• Sit on a porch, put your feet up on the railing, and watch the world go by.
• Take a Bath                        
• Close the bathroom door and slip into a hot bath as your troubles melt away.
• Put on your favorite songs, and really listen to them.
• Play with a child
• Learn from a cat because my cat knows how to relax. He eats at a leisurely pace, takes a bath, and can enjoy one of his frequent naps anywhere.
• Cook for pleasure. By this, I mean cook because you want to not because you have to. Cooking can be extremely relaxing.
• Make a not to do list. Occasionally make a list of tasks you can eliminate, or that someone else can do for you.

     Find an activity that makes you happy and feel the sense of relaxation wash over you. I hope you enjoyed my list, and that you can add to it. I am going to curl up in the sun next to my cat and my children and try to learn some more of their secrets for relaxation. Remember, do not get so caught up in the doing, that you forget the being.

Silence can be such a blessing sometimes. When there is silence, I hear the most. I can listen to all the thoughts swirling around in my head, and It is easier to reflect, and problem solve. Silence brings a feeling of peace because, in that silence, it is possible simply to be present. I love sitting on my front porch in the early morning before everyone begins to stir. It is a calm peaceful way to start the day, as I observe everything around me while being still.

Silence can also be golden when it comes to our conversations. I always tell my students that if they are talking while I’m teaching, they are not learning. The same is true when we are conversing. We often are focusing on when we can interject our next point instead of really listening to what the other person is trying to say. I have a colleague who used to comment that I was quiet in meetings. She asked why I wasn’t more vocal, but what she did not understand was I was listening. I have never felt the need to speak only so I can hear my own voice, or to make my presence known. Sometimes the only way to truly learn, and to hear what is important, is to be silent.  

Being silent can help you find out important details about family, friends, and colleagues.  Instead of replying immediately when someone makes a statement, be silent. The other person will fill the space with more information. You need to have the patience to wait instead of interjecting.

Being comfortable in silence is a sign of a strong relationship. When I am around my best friend we usually cannot stop talking, but there are also moments of comfortable silence. I love being around friends and family, and when conversation wanes, I am ok just having them with me.

Most runners run while listening to music, but I have always preferred to run with just the sounds around me. When everything is silent, I can recharge because all the noise that we are bombarded with all day can be tiring. There is a moment in every race where the runners have spread out in their pace groups, and it becomes quiet as everyone is focused on making it to the end.

Have you ever been the last one up at night? I like to sit and listen to the stillness of the household. There is something comforting about knowing that the people I love are comfortable and safe in their beds.

Silence has also been shown to offer health benefits that boost overall well-being. Silence helps lower blood pressure, which can help prevent heart attack, and boost the body’s immune system. Noise has a physical effect on the brain, which can lead to elevated levels of stress hormones. Silence can release tension in the brain in just 2 minutes.  Mindfulness is a word we hear related to good health, and it is achieved through silence.

We need silence to hear God. We are bombarded by so much noise, clutter, and so many messages, but the only voice we really need to hear is God’s, and we can only hear him when we block out all the other distractions. Once we can do that, we can listen to what he wants us to hear. Sometimes he sends us his message through others, so we need to be listening for those messages as well.

In an age where noise is the norm, choose to carve out some quiet time every day to be still. Notice that it will relieve your anxiety, help with productivity, and strengthen your relationship with God and others. Silence is powerful.

Family fun does not have to empty the wallet. With a little creativity, every family can have a great time and not spend a penny. Here are some ideas.

1. Go for a hike. Head for the hills or a local park and have some exercise together while enjoying your surroundings. Bring a snack and take a break to enjoy the view and the great company.
2. Go to the beach. Does your town have a local lake? Bring some beach toys, spread out the blanket, and enjoy the water and sand. Enjoy water sports.
3. Volunteer to help local community organizations. Go to the pound and play with puppies or to the retirement community to sit and talk with the elderly. You will feel good about helping others and you will have plenty to talk about and share when you are done.
4. Check the local paper for free cultural events. You can find craft fairs or concerts or art exhibits that are free to the public.
5. Have a picnic. You can travel to an appropriate spot or just go into the backyard. Spread out the blanket and enjoy some good food and each other’s company.
6. Watch a t.v. movie at home. Make a huge bowl of popcorn and get comfy in the living room.
7. Play a board game. Pull out some board games and enjoy a night of laughter and strategy together.
8. Go to community celebrations. Most small towns have a town celebration which offers fun activities for the whole family. Enjoy local food, face painting, and performances.
9. Show an outdoor movie and invite the neighborhood. If you can find the equipment, hang up a sheet as a screen and invite several families over to watch it with you.
10. Go to a parade. Check local listings for holiday parades. Bring some lawn chairs and enjoy the event.
11. Have a pot-luck barbecue. Invite other families and ask everyone to bring a dish and a beverage.
12. Go to local sporting events. Go watch the recreational teams compete. They will enjoy the extra spectators and you can watch a great sporting event.
13. Do a sport together. Kick a soccer ball around, go swimming, play catch, and just enjoy being together.
14. Cook together. Find some new recipes that you want to try out and make an elaborate dinner together. 
15. Have dinner together. Turn off the television and remove any other distractions and just enjoy each other. You will be surprised how much you will find out about your family when you just sit and listen.

We hear messages all the time about the need to exercise and eat right but the importance of mental health is sometimes forgotten. Life can be a bumpy ride even in the best of times, but we have a lot of mental pressure whether we are dealing with work, relationships, or the emotions and stress that both can cause. The good news is that mental stress can be eased with simple movement.

I love running. It is freedom for me, freedom from problems, or the needs of others. I can set goals and see improvements. I can push myself as much or as little as I want. It has always been therapy for me. Anytime life has thrown a challenge at me, I have used running to calm the fear or to ease the frustration. Running may not be the right activity for you, but any activity will work.

Using movement to soothe your mental state is better than many medications. If you move and you do it consistently, you will see improvements. Here are a few ideas that can help calm your mind with movement.

Simple stretches

Wake up a few minutes before the rest of your family, find a quiet spot, and do some very basic stretches. You can find what you need and are comfortable with on the internet. Hold each stretch for 30 seconds and practice breathing slowly in and out. The simple movements and some quiet before the day begins can start your day off right.

Light weights

Take a weightlifting class or learn some lifting techniques and use weights and resistance bands to strengthen your muscles and increase your heart rate. You do not need to use heavy weights to see results.

Dance in the kitchen

Dancing is great exercise, but we might not all be ready for Dancing With the Stars, so put on some upbeat music and dance around your kitchen. When I was younger, my dad had a collection of polka records. He had taught us how to dance the polka which is a very upbeat dance, and we would dance all over the house to his records while we laughed until we couldn’t breathe.

Choose your cardio

Find an activity that you enjoy. It can be walking, swimming, biking, gardening anything that will motivate you to move.

Invite some friends to join you

You will be more motivated to show up when you are exercising as a group. Knowing that others are expecting to see you will add an accountability factor.

Be a loner

Although many people need a group to stay motivated, sometimes exercising by yourself can be a time to reflect and regroup. I prefer to run by myself. I am a teacher, so people need me all day. I hear my name called countless times and a few minutes of silence while I run is priceless. Exercising alone can be a chance to decompress.

Set a timer

If you have a sedentary job, set a timer, and get up and move around every 45 minutes. The movement will wake you up, loosen your muscles, and make you more productive. Do a few stretches and if you do not have a lot of space, walk in place.

Determine your own intensity

You don’t have to lift massive weights or run a marathon to see the benefits of movement. Start where you are comfortable because you will be more likely to stick with a routine that does not leave you searching for the Epsom salts. If you want to push yourself, that is ok too, but I would advise you to listen to your body and increase the intensity gradually to avoid injury.

Using movement to calm your mind only requires you to take the first step, and then make it a habit. You will do it automatically when it is a part of your routine. Changing your habits to include more activity can change your life, but it is sometimes difficult to start. Make a list of what you would like to see change or improve in your life and make exercise your action plan. Excuses will stop you before you start, so refuse to make them. Begin today to connect the healing power of the body with your mind.

We all want to live life fully, but sometimes life or ourselves puts up roadblocks to keep us from doing that. The first thing we need to do is realize what those roadblocks are, and then we need a plan to burst through them and experience the life we deserve. Here are a few of life’s roadblocks and some suggestions to eliminate them in case they sound like they are the obstacles in your life.

Toxic relationships

I have spent so much energy on relationships that were not healthy for me. A toxic relationship can steal your energy, crush your self-esteem, and play havoc with your mental health. It is even worse if the toxic person is a family member. Sometimes you need to hear the right words to release you from the emotional hurt that these relationships can cause. I found these words on a Facebook post attributed to what Anthony Hopkins had said. He said, “Let go of the people who are not prepared to love you. Stop showing up for people who have no interest in your presence. It doesn’t mean you ruined the relationship; it means the only thing holding it back was the energy that only you gave to keep it. It’s wanting to give a chance to those who don’t deserve it. You are not responsible for saving anyone. You are not responsible for convincing them to improve. It’s not your work to exist for people and give your life to them. Decide that you deserve true friendship, commitment, true and complete love with healthy and prosperous people.” When I read these words, it gave me a sense of peace that I had needed for a long time. I have been trying to improve a relationship with a family member, but the efforts have all come from me with only hurtful words from the family member. These words on Facebook convinced me that I have to let it go.

Fear of failure

Although failure is never fun, it is usually a great chance to learn. Fear is a dream killer, so don’t let it hold you back from doing what you want to do. If you do not succeed the first time you do something, keep trying. It doesn’t matter how many times you are knocked down as long as you keep rising back up.

Lack of confidence

Lack of confidence paralyzes people from taking action. It feels safer to remain in your comfort zone, but if you do that you will not experience any growth and you won’t fully enjoy what you deserve to achieve. Force yourself to step out of your comfort zone and do something new.

Distraction

There are so many things to distract us from what should be our priorities. We spend time scrolling through social media and e-mail when we should be interacting with humans. State your goals and make a plan on how to accomplish them. Limit your distractions.

Comparing yourself to others

Be the best version of yourself that you can be without comparing yourself to others. No one is perfect, there will be people who judge you no matter what, so as long as you are doing your best that is all that matters. Don’t worry about having the newest, trendiest thing, find what makes you happy.

Neglecting your health

Your health affects everything you do. If you are not happy with your body image, it will affect your self-esteem. If your health is bad, you will not have the energy and strength to go after your dreams. Spend time on self-care and you are better able to handle your other roadblocks.

I learn life lessons all the time through exercise. I see inspiration, courage, fear, and everything else that has to deal with the human condition. Many people use exercise as a weapon to prove they are strong enough, some use it as a therapy to deal with emotional pain, some want to push to be stronger, and some see it as a healthy social event. Either way, exercise can teach us life lessons.

Exercise is stronger than medication

Exercise is the healthiest drug, and it is free to use. Whatever you choose as your exercise, moving your body makes you feel better. It also offers a chance to leave troubles or a bad day behind. I do my best problem-solving and thinking while I am running. Exercise allows you to set goals and chart your improvements. It feels good to be doing something positive for yourself and to see the healthy changes.

Being strong physically requires mental strength

If you want to do well at any physical activity, you have to also work on your mental strength. Confidence in your ability or just sheer determination will push you to become stronger. Force yourself to not give up and to do some things that might be out of your comfort zone.

Consistency and practice are the keys to almost everything.

Being committed to something is the key to success. Build physical activity into your daily routine the same way you would brush your teeth every day. The more you do it, the more comfortable you will be with the activity and the better results you will see.

Perception is different for everyone

Everyone has the bar set at a different level. I hear conversations at races all the time to convince me of this. One person is depressed because his 5k time was 29 minutes, while someone else is ecstatic that she came in under forty minutes. Our expectations for ourselves and others are different according to our circumstances, so set your own goals without comparing yourself to anyone else.

Excuses and fear hold you back

Excuses are holding you back from a better life. Stop finding all the reasons why you cannot do something and figure out a solution for how you can. There is always a way to make something work whether you need to find childcare or time. I see plenty of people who show up at races refusing to make excuses. They want to live their best life instead of being a prisoner in the recliner. The first step is the hardest and each one after that will be a little easier.

Being healthy affects everything else in your life

When you are healthy you are in a better mood, you sleep better, you can focus more, and you generally enjoy life more.

Do what works for you.

It doesn’t matter what you do for exercise as long as you are active. Pick an activity you will enjoy doing and that way you will look forward to doing it and stick to a program.

You can help others by helping yourself

You never know who might be motivated by what you are doing. Someone else might begin an exercise program that could save his life because of you. When you are healthy, the effects ripple down to your friends and family. You can enjoy time with them more and better health means lower health care costs.

Be proud of your efforts and accomplishments, whatever they are.

If you are exercising regularly, you are an athlete and you need to think of yourself that way. I will never forget one day when I was out for a run and a lady who was running too was coming the other way. I said hello and she said, “Don’t laugh at me because I’m trying to run. I know I’m not a real runner.” I was so surprised at that statement that it took me a minute to react. I turned around and caught up with her and told her that she was just as much a runner as I was.

Exercise is a way to deal with demons while making yourself stronger and happier. It can help you turn so many negatives into positives. Start living your best life and learn the lessons that exercise will teach you.

What can be more important than our mental fitness? We spend so much time worrying about our physical appearance, but we often forget about the part of our body that controls everything. Luckily there are some very easy strategies that we can follow to stay mentally sharp.

1. Sleep well.                            

      There are multitudes of studies that show that sleep can improve our performance in all areas of our lives and lack of it can cause irritability, weight gain, depression, loss of concentration. The more sleep we have, the better our mind functions, but many people have difficulty sleeping. Here are some ideas on getting a better night’s rest;                                                      

• Stick to a regular sleep schedule
• Do not exercise to late in the day
• Avoid caffeine
• Avoid alcohol before bed
• Avoid drinking or eating close to bedtime. You could have indigestion or need to get up to urinate.
• Relax before bed. Take a hot bath or read
• Have a comfortable sleeping area

2. Learn Something New

     There is a story about a group of nuns who were all living to the age of 100 or more. A researcher began to try to figure out what it was about the lifestyle that helped them live longer and he determined that it was because they were always mentally active. They were involved in doing arts and crafts learning how to play musical instruments, learning languages. Find something new that interests you and give it a try. I think the expression use it or lose it applies here so find something that will help you to step out of your daily routine and jog your mind.

3. Eat a healthy diet

     We make healthy eating so complicated when it really can be broken down to two things. Eat a variety of foods in reasonable quantities and eat colorful foods such as deep greens and reds. Think of food as fuel for your brain. The better the fuel the more efficient the machine will be.

4. Exercise

     Exercise can help keep your mind sharp in several ways. First of all, it can relieve stress which can harm your health both mentally and physically. It can also elevate your mood and make you feel better about yourself. Exercise will improve whole-body fitness.

   5. Use your imagination        

     Practice visualization, make up stories, and recreate some of the magic that fantasy gave you as a child. Think of it as a mental exercise.

6. Be creative

     Make some special gifts for loved ones, do arts and crafts with children, paint, write, and create music. Do whatever creative outlet you enjoy.                       

7. Do word and memory games like crossword puzzles and Sudoku.

     These games help you to exercise your mind and increase your knowledge.

8. Read

     Reading improves your vocabulary, uses your imagination, and increases your general knowledge.

9. Teach a talent that you have to someone else.

     Not only will you be sharing a skill with someone else, but you will also find it necessary to stay mentally sharp in order to teach them well.

10. Stay up to date on current events and discuss opinions on world topics.

     You will increase your general knowledge and stimulate your mind with debate.

I would never claim to be wise because I know every day and each new person, I meet will teach me something new. There are though certain things I have learned in life through a combination of some hard lessons and a lot of observation. Here are fifty of those little pearls of wisdom.

Everyone has issues that they are dealing with. Many times, the people who seem to have it the most together are the ones with the biggest issues.

Need is everywhere. We should do what we can when we can.

Hugs are healing and should be given freely.

No one is a perfect parent. The best parents give love freely, set boundaries, and give out consequences when the boundaries are breached.

A perfect exterior usually hides an interior mess.

Everyone has value and needs to be valued.

A simple smile can turn someone’s whole day around.

Spirituality is all around you if you are ready to accept it.

Being healthy is not rocket science and it’s not achieved in 5 minutes or from a pill.

Nothing good comes easily.

Failure really does teach you more than success.

Never give up because you could be a breath away from success

It’s o.k. to keep doing it wrong until you get it right.

Run away from toxic things and people.

Fear destroys dreams.

Love makes a difference.

Reality differs from person to person.

Politeness is something that everyone should practice.

Acts of kindness have a domino effect.

Doing something nice for someone else is the quickest way to make yourself feel better.

You can learn something from everyone.

Stress can kill you.

Worrying is wasted energy.

Positive thinking really does work.

What you do whether good or bad will come back to you.

People will treat you the way you let them treat you.

Learning new things stimulates your brain.

We should all believe in miracles.

Children know how to live best.

Blessings are all around us.

Realizing what we have is more important than complaining about what we don’t.

It’s not what happens to you it’s how you react to it.

A bad day is a choice.

Attitude can change everything.

Laughter is the best medicine.

A sense of humor makes everything better.

Staying friends with someone who has betrayed you is just giving an enemy another chance to hurt you.

When it comes to friends, quality not quantity counts.

Service to others is a way to give back.

Hard work does pay off.

Setting goals is a great motivator.

Slow down a little to enjoy life more.

Sleep and how much you get of it can affect everything else you do.

Never feel guilty for occasionally doing nothing.

Showing an interest in other people can teach us more about ourselves.

It’s never all about you.

Simple is always best.

Walk away from drama.

You cannot say I love you too much.

Reading makes you smarter.

I remember when my oldest was first born, my first thought was “What if I’m not a good parent?” I was not one of those women who seem to take parenting in stride and handle every bump in the road without a hint of stress. I was ready to run to the doctor at the slightest irregularity, I was sure I was doing everything wrong because my baby wasn’t on a strict schedule, and the first time my husband went to work I begged him to stay with me; not a stellar start. Of course, my oldest survived and has turned out to be an amazing woman and my second and third children were infinitely easier to raise, but there are some pieces of advice I wish I had been told in the beginning. Here are several bits of advice learned the hard way.

· Just as the pirate in the movie Pirates of the Caribbean says that the pirate code is just rough guidelines, baby schedules should be the same. Although routines are good for both you and the baby, trying to stick to a rigid schedule for anything is only going to cause stress. Flexibility is going to be a quality that will help no matter where you are in your parenting journey.

· Actions have to receive consequences. Teaching your child early that bad choices will receive a time out or loss of privilege, will save you headaches later. It is sometimes difficult not to give in or deal with the issue of the day but tell yourself that your child will be better for it and your life will be easier down the line.

· Time is the best gift you can give to your child. You do not need to buy expensive gifts to please your child, just be there and play games with them, go see their plays, and let them know that you enjoy the time you have with them. Before you know it, they will be gone and you will wish you had turned off the e-mail and been with them more.

· When your child says I hate you, respond with I love you.

· Realize that in order to be a good parent you cannot always be the good guy.

· United we stand is a good motto for parenting. Support each other in decisions regarding your child.

· Boxes are the best toy for children aged one to two years. Put some out and you will see what I mean.

· Most problems can be averted by making sure your child is rested and fed.

· Remember that you are the adult.

· It’s not always your fault when your child does something wrong.

· Make time for yourself and you will be a better parent.

· Encourage your child’s passion and realize that your passion and his do not have to be the same.

· Be your child’s advocate. You know your child better than anyone, stand up for your child when it is necessary.

As you do your best to be a good parent, you will make mistakes, learn from them and try to do what is right for your family. As long as you do it all with love, you cannot go wrong.

While raising three children and now with grandchildren, I find myself always wishing I could have more time to do all the things I want to do. I know other parents feel the same way so I researched a few ways that parents could find more time in their day.

Dr. Magdalena Battles discusses time management skills in her article, 10 Time Management Tips Every Parent Needs to Know. Dr. Battles says we need to be clear on what our priorities are and how we want to spend our time. Every yes, we give to something, which means we need to say no somewhere else. If being on another school committee is not what you enjoy doing, learn to say no. Don’t feel guilty about saying no because it will free you up to do what is more important to you and your family.

Dr. Battles also cautions against overscheduling activities for your children. If you are going here and there every night, there isn’t enough family time. She suggests making sure you have several nights each week when no activities are scheduled. Several nights without activities gives you more time to spend together as a family. Eat dinner together and spend time playing board games or just talking. Children need downtime just like we do, so scheduling too many activities will create unnecessary stress.

Having your house organized so that items are easily found can save time as well. Good organization does not mean that a house has to have everything perfectly in place. Find a place for jackets, keys, purses, and backpacks, and make sure they are consistently in that spot. Searching for something wastes time and creates tension. Keeping an organized home is a great life skill to teach your children.

Another way to carve out time is to not do everything yourself. Give everyone tasks that they are responsible for doing. Explain to your family that this is about helping each other, and it is important that everyone does his part.

You can make healthy meals that are not complicated or time-consuming. Less time cooking means more time enjoying the meal together.

Use empty time like waiting inline or in the waiting room to catch up on tasks.

Realize that using social media is your choice of how to use your time.

Keep a to-do list for the day and keep a calendar with important dates clearly marked.

Exercise with your children. You can do your exercise and play with your children at the same time. Going for walks is one idea.