Jennifer’s writing

A gym is a fascinating place. There is such a variety of people of all professions and ages and different levels of fitness. Everyone is there because in some way the gym is going to make them healthier. Some people are there because it provides an opportunity to socialize, some are recovering from an accident or surgery and they can find the support they need and get back in shape at their own speed. Some are there religiously

every day for at least an hour, pounding their body into shape. All of these people have their reasons for being at the gym, but there is another group that I think we need to help. I am talking about those people who are new to an exercise routine. Many of us take our regimen for granted and believe that everyone knows what you should do to have a quality workout. The truth is that there is a fair amount of people who have no idea what, how much, or how often they should exercise. I offer to them my tips for a quality

workout.

• Pick a form of exercise that you enjoy and that you will do consistently.

• Set some goals for what you hope your exercise will do for you and how you hope to achieve these goals.

• Be consistent. Exercise at least 3 days a week for at least half an hour.

• Start slow and do not overdo. Listen to your body and try to do a little bit more over time.

• A good rule for what level of intensity you use for cardio is that you should be a little winded but able to carry on a conversation.

• Combine cardio with strength training. Do weights or another strength workout 3 times a week.

• Ask for help learning how to do strength training properly.

• Leave your cell phone in the car or at home.

• Don’t cheat yourself by doing a workout that is too easy.

• Do not be afraid to ask questions of people who have been exercising for a while.

• Keep a log or journal of what you do each day and monitor your progress.

• Do not think that exercise gives you an excuse to eat everything in your refrigerator.

Movement is a key element to a great quality of life, so make a commitment that you can keep and take that first step towards a healthier you.

My parents had huge gardens. My dad oversaw the vegetables, and my mom tended the many flower beds around our house. Gardening for my family was about survival. There wasn’t a lot of extra money so the produce from the garden helped cut our grocery bill, and the fresh food from the garden fed us all year thanks to the canning that my mom did. There was a large space in the cellar with shelves full of canned vegetables.  

My dad wanted to increase our ability to save money by growing our own food beyond the summer growing months, so he began an indoor garden. I remember loving watching the vegetables grow, but I didn’t feel like I had the green thumb that my dad did.

Several years ago, I started to experiment with gardening on my own. I had a few raised beds, and my attitude was to have fun and see what happened. I quickly realized that I loved the time I spent in the garden. I was out there singing and talking to the plants. My husband built me an enclosed garden and increased the number of beds. I can’t say I always follow the rules of gardening because I have more of a why not try it and see what happens attitude while my husband wants to do everything by the book. This caused some problems when I told him I was going to do a second planting in late August. He gave me a look that said he did not approve of my crazy ideas, and I persuaded him to give it a try. This was the beginning of my foray into winter gardening.

We live in Georgia so the weather can sometimes stay warm through December with some occasional dips in temperatures. This year, I still have peas, cherry tomatoes, carrots, and lettuce growing. Because we do not have a lot of snow, I can grow lettuce and carrots through the winter. There are many ways to have a winter garden even if you live in a colder climate than we do. Here are a few ideas.

A cold frame is a box with a clear top without a bottom that can be made with an old window on a wooden or metal base.

A hotbed is a cold frame with an extra heating device.

A cloche is a transparent covering for a single plant. An example would be a cutout milk jug.

An unheated greenhouse is a glass or translucent building that absorbs heat from the sun and protects the plants.

A row cover is a lightweight, semi-transparent fabric that allows water, air, and sun in but protects the plants from the wind and harsh weather.

Research some more ways to have a winter garden and don’t be afraid to break the rules and have some fun!

                                                    Are You an Empath?

The definition of an empath is someone who can detect the thoughts and feelings of other people. Some empaths not only sense the feelings of others but also absorb them. Some believe that empaths can feel the energy of others. It is difficult to prove with scientific data that being an empath is a real thing, but I know it is because I am one.

All my life, I have been able to feel someone’s emotions. As a teacher, it was a wonderful gift because I could read the room and diffuse any negative emotions that might have disrupted the lesson by acknowledging the emotions.

 My children are still surprised when they are trying to show a brave front and I see through it. My daughter had come home from seeing her boyfriend. She popped her head into my bedroom where I was reading. She said, “Hi mom, I’m back.” She was trying to sound happy but all I could feel was sadness. I asked her what was wrong, and she said, “nothing.” and started to leave. I asked her again what was wrong, and she burst into tears and told me she and her boyfriend had argued. Later, she told me she couldn’t figure out how I always know when something is wrong. I see a similar reaction when I ask someone if they are o.k. I am used to seeing the surprise in their eyes as they ask, “How did you know?”

I don’t tell many people that I can feel emotions because I have always thought it sounded a little crazy. I still remember the day I was in a bookstore and saw a book about empaths. I almost started crying when I realized that what I experienced was common and well documented.

Although I feel the emotions around me, I do not absorb the emotions of others. I cannot imagine what that would be like. My greatest frustration as an empath is when I feel the emotions of a stranger and I want to reach out and talk with the person, but the situation does not allow me to do it. I don’t want to intrude on anyone’s privacy.

Empaths are vulnerable to depression because they experience sensory overload. Crowds, excessive talking, and noise can be difficult for an empath. They are often described as being hyper-sensitive and they have an overwhelming desire to please people. Empaths often have a connection to nature and need to be in nature to recharge.

There is a test that says if you say yes to more than three of the following, you are an empath.

Do people say I am too sensitive or emotional?

If a friend is sad, do I feel sad as well?

Do my feelings get hurt easily?

Do crowds drain me, requiring me to escape for time alone?

Does noise, excessive talk, or odors fray my nerves?

Do I overeat, drink excessively, or overindulge in other activities to cope with emotional stress?

Am I afraid of being emotionally suffocated in a relationship?

I answer yes to 6 out of 7. How about you? Are you an empath?

At a recent family gathering, my son said something outlandish and my daughter stared at him open-mouthed with a look of confusion and said, “What is going on in your head?”

During the past two years, I have had a similar look on my face and the same thought as I have listened to the outlandish things people have said and done.

In my opinion, the pandemic has brought forth some issues and some emotional responses to them that have stayed tucked in a dark corner until we were again faced with the fragility of life, and the short time we have to live. It has fueled a quest for what people perceive as justice, but the problem is people’s perceptions can be very different.

I would describe myself as being open-minded, and I believe everyone is entitled to an opinion just as I have the right to disagree with that opinion. There are certain times though when someone refuses to accept the truth even though it is there for all to see in complete clarity. This is when my mouth drops open and I say, “what is going on in your head?”

I am going to stay away from the political situation in this essay because my blood pressure will rise and I will not understand it any better. Instead, I will give you some examples in my own family. Let me ask you first, how do you respond when someone says something outlandish? Do you let your emotions take over, do you walk away, do you ignore the comment, or do you try to help someone see the truth? It depends on the situation and the person for me. Let me give you some examples.

I taught French for 40 years, lived in France for a year, and took 18 student trips there, so when my husband asked me what the time difference was between there and Atlanta, I said it was six. He thought it would be a good idea to argue with me about it. Even with my French background and the answer on the internet, he thinks he is right. Recently, he told me that he didn’t understand the fear about COVID-19. He was also one of the people at the beginning of the pandemic who believed more people had died of the flu. I actually handled the COVID statements better than I did the French question even though it was more emotionally charged. When he made the most recent statement, I reminded him of the facts and said that when people lose loved ones, (I lost my sister and my aunt), it makes it real. What is the answer to dealing with someone who believes he is right even when reality says he is not? I think you have to stay calm and continue to present the facts.

As a runner, I hear some lapses in reality. I often hear people say they wished they could be a runner, and then the crazy excuses begin about why they cannot. One excuse left me open-mouthed when a woman said, “I can’t run because my joints hurt.” I wanted to tell her if she ran her joints would stop hurting, but I knew she would replace that excuse with another one.

It is difficult for us to understand the way someone else thinks, and if you are like me, you often question whether it is your logic that is flawed. Day after day, I hear stories that defy any logic, and try as I might, I cannot wrap my head around the way some people filter truth. I guess I will continue to ask the question, “What is going on in your head?”. I’ll spread the truth as I know it, do my best to stay open-minded and understand different perceptions, and above all, I will keep a sense of humor.

Do you have days when you feel alone even though you have loving friends and family? Can you be hard on yourself because you have let your self-talk become negative? Do you sometimes feel as if you cannot do anything right? Do people in general occasionally disappoint you? If your answer is yes, you are not alone. I know my life is richly blessed and most days content is the way I would describe myself, but occasionally, I have a rough day where I need to recharge and take care of my mental state. What can someone do to make it through days like this? Here are a few ideas.

Inspiration

When I’m feeling low, I am looking for some words to lift me back up. I want to hear about someone who is brave, resilient, loving, and kind. I want my faith restored that there are good people out there. This inspiration can be found watching a program, reading, or observing people. I enjoy finding the right words when I am reading. Two authors I love are Bob Goth and John Maxwell. I enjoy Bob Goth’s podcasts too.

Quiet

I need some quiet time to recharge. I am very sensitive and emotional, so a little silence is necessary for me. Decide what helps you recharge and do it often.

Sleep

The amount of sleep we have affects everything especially our moods, and sleep is a wonderful escape.

Going outside

Nature is restorative for me. I am in awe of the beauty around me, and there is peace in that beauty, so it doesn’t take long for me to feel better if I can be outside.

Listening to music

Music is calming and motivating depending on what you need. I always feel better after listening to the music I love.

Laughter

It is impossible to be sad when you are laughing. If your friends are too busy, find some funny videos or a funny movie. Hearing other people laugh has the same effect.

Share

It is usually not a good idea to push down or ignore your emotions. Find a friend who understands you and share when you are feeling down. Creative expressions are also a good way to release your feelings. I share with my writing.

Put things in perspective

Whatever your negative voice says, refute it with evidence to the contrary. When you start to write down facts, the negatives will dwindle.

When you have a rough day, realize you are not alone and find a healthy way to recharge and turn your outlook around.

https://www.patreon.com/jenniferbonn

If you need another holiday gift, my book is perfect to give as a sign of support or encouragement. It is full of positive messages, and I think we could all use that. One friend is giving a copy to her daughter before she gets married because it contains advice about how to deal with some of the difficult situations.

Happy Holidays everyone!!

We are bombarded by so many messages every day. We hear them, process them, think about them, and discuss them. They affect us in a variety of ways sometimes changing our opinions or emotions, or either inspiring or discouraging us. There are certain voices that we cannot avoid, but we can choose or reject a lot of the noise in our lives. Here are a few factors to consider about the voices we are exposed to every day.

Does it add value?

Ask yourself if what you are about to hear, or read, or see will add value to yourself or others. Will it make you better in some way? Will it inform you, energize you, inspire you, or make you reflect? If it doesn’t help you grow or give you satisfaction, you are better off blocking it out. Certain voices can tear us down and cause stress. This is the noise we need to tune out.

Positive vs. negative

Whatever type of messages you choose to hear will eventually affect you. Listening to positive messages will encourage and motivate you, while negative messages will eventually cause you to see life as a less than pleasant journey. The messages you hear can come from the media, the music you listen to, the books you read, and the friends who surround you.

Rejection

When you hear this voice, examine the message and if there is truth about the need for change or growth, work on improving that, but also realize that the best in every profession have faced rejections, and instead of giving up, they improved and proved they were worthy. I had a nasty rejection for a book I wrote and I was devastated. My friend, Kim said, “Jen, that is just one voice.” I fixed the book and now it is published.

Haters

Ah, the haters. I always try to take into account that haters are people who are hurting in some way, but I really dislike meanness. There are so many people hurting that I would like to see more kindness. It makes them feel better if they can tear others down. They are jealous, bitter, entitled, and feel that life has not been fair to them. Don’t waste your time worrying about what they say about you. Say a prayer for them that they can turn their lives around.

Social media

There are so many voices on social media vying for our attention. Everyone is trying to look like they have a perfect life, but it is rarely the truth. Be o.k. with having some mess in your life, and don’t worry if others see it. It might make them feel better.

News

Listen to the news and take some notes. How many of the stories have a negative feeling? Do you listen to the news from a variety of sources? Do you notice a difference in the delivery? Don’t listen to only one source. Listen to different opinions and make an informed choice for what your opinion is.

Your inner voice

What does it sound like when you are talking to yourself? It should sound as if you are speaking to your best friend. This is a constant battle for me because I am very hard on myself. I know I should change negative thoughts to positive ones, but I always find myself wanting to do better. I will keep working on this though.

Examine all the voices and noise you hear throughout the day. Label it as good for you or negative. Actively seek out messages that can make you better and lift you up. Find good books, movies, music, and friends to be your positive voices.

I am an avid runner, but I hear people tell me all the time they wished they could run. Many tell me that they feel guilty that they don’t exercise, so I thought I would make them feel better by giving reasons not to run.

No one needs that many t-shirts.

Every time you race, you will receive a t-shirt to commemorate the race. Before you know it, your drawer will be overflowing, and you won’t feel right getting rid of them.

It is too hard to keep up with all the new friends you will make.

Running is a social activity, and because it relieves stress, most runners are happy and willing to chat. I met most of my best friends at running events. If you would rather not have a lot of friends, don’t run.

Your neighbors will think you are crazy.

Running becomes routine and slightly obsessive because you see the physical and mental improvements, and you want that to continue. Weather will not keep you inside, and your neighbors will watch you running in the rain, the snow, or bone-chilling cold and wonder what is wrong with you.

Although you will start out small you will discover that 5ks are a gateway drug to longer distances.

One day you decide to do a 5k. It seems harmless because it is only three miles, but then your running friends start suggesting longer distances, and theme races like color runs and zombie chases. Before you know it, you will consider a second job to pay for races.

You will find a competitive side, and it won’t always be pretty.

When you run, you can set goals, and when you complete those, you can make new ones. You see a continual improvement and one way to judge that is to compare yourself to the performances of others. Suddenly a silly podium medal seems like gold, and you find yourself plotting a way to beat the others in your age group.

It can be gross

Running is sometimes messy. If you run trail runs, there is a potential for falling and blood. Many runners wish for a bathroom when there is none, and clothing can become pretty sweaty.

I hope these reasons not to run will help you with non-runners guilt, or you could throw caution to the wind and give running a try.

I am often asked where I find my ideas to write, and what do I do when I have writer’s block. My problem is I never have writer’s block. I have so many ideas swirling around in my head that I write them all down and check each one off as I finish it. Writing for me is a lot like reading, I am constantly being distracted by something new, so I have a stack of books and ideas waiting for me. Ideas come to me constantly and in many different forms. They often come when I am running or driving because those are quiet moments when I can let my run free. Here are some ways that I would suggest for finding ideas.

Be an observer

I always say that as long as there are people around me, I will never be bored. I watch people and invent scenarios for their lives. I often see people’s struggles, and this usually gives me ideas for writing. People are fascinating and I guarantee if you sit and take in what is happening around you, you will have some new material.

Hone your listening skills

Many of my articles have come from something that someone said to me. After my first marathon, I was talking to my husband about the difference between running distance and a 5k, and he said, “It’s an entirely different beast.” Bingo! That was the title of my next article. Listen to what interests people, and what is important or difficult in their lives. Listening is a skill that most people don’t do very well. Listen to hear instead of to interject your story.

Talk to strangers

My family hates that I will talk to everyone. Did I mention that people are fascinating? They also want to tell your story, and the fact is I open my body language, and it is usually the stranger who speaks to me. I merely engage from that point, and within five minutes I know someone’s life story. My family will see it in my eyes, and they say, “Mom, don’t do it!” They know I have to though. There are so many interesting stories.

Write down thoughts

Sometimes, thoughts bombard me, so I have a whiteboard where I write ideas down.

Read and take notes

Read as much as you can, and read different genres. Take notes of interesting ideas.

Ask for ideas

Ask friends and family what they would like you to write about and you might be surprised to see how many ideas they have.