I think we all have times when life can feel a little heavy, and we need to retreat to those things that fill us up. I know I have days when I am praying for some words of inspiration, an act of kindness, just the right song, or whatever else will make me smile. Here are a few ideas of what makes me happy. I offer the list to you in the hopes it will remind you of something that brings you joy.
A child’s laughter
Dogs
Music (just about any genre)
A good book
A beautiful day
A stormy day
A great movie
Friends and good food
Champagne (I’m a lightweight though, so just one glass!)
Chocolate
Dancing in the kitchen
Time with family
Holding my grandson and whispering, “Don’t worry, I’ve got you!”
Staying up after everyone is in bed and enjoying the quiet.
When the neighborhood kids see me out running and yell, “Hey, Miss Jen!”
Running
Writing
Gardening
Cooking (I’m not very good, but every once in a while it works out!)
Sleeping late
Laughing
That’s my list for now. Are there other things you would add to yours?
I was reflecting on some goals I have made, and a few things I would like to improve, and I found myself asking the question, “What holds us back from achieving what we want?”. The answer that came to me is that often we are the main obstacle to our goals. Here are some examples, and some solutions.
Self-talk
Listen to your self-talk and be very honest when you answer the next question. Is your self-talk mostly negative or positive? Most people would answer that it is mostly negative. We are harsher with ourselves than with most of the rest of the people with whom we interact. Turn your self-talk into positive words and see if it makes a difference. Being kinder to yourself is the first step to achieving what you want. Pretend you are speaking with your best friend.
Attitude
Do you defeat yourself before you even attempt something? I think we have all heard the saying, “If you think you can, you will, and if you think you can’t, you won’t.” Approach your goals believing you are going to crush them. If you fall short, try plan B, but never look at it as a failure. Use it to learn how to do better. Positive vibes shift the energy around you, so believe it will happen, that you can do it, and that you deserve all the blessings coming your way.
Fear
Fear is a dream killer, and it will paralyze you from doing what you love. The fear of failure has glued many people to the same spot instead of taking the chance to pursue a passion. What is the worse that can happen if things don’t go according to plan? Give it a shot so you will not have regrets later.
Comparison
Be the best version of yourself that you can be, and don’t try to be like anyone else. Trying to be something you are not, is exhausting and you will not be happy. Be yourself and accept that some people will love you and some will judge you no matter what you do.
Parents will tell you that one of the most difficult things about caring for a baby is getting them to sleep. Most new parents are sleep deprived because they are awakened throughout the night for feedings and changings. The lack of sleep can cause stress, anxiety, and depression, and it can make it harder to cope with everyday challenges. An added challenge is that different techniques work for different children, and parents have to find the techniques and routines that work best for their baby and themselves. I have done some research to find some tips that were universally helpful to get babies to sleep.
Consistency is key.
Whatever you decide to do, do it consistently. Rebecca Parlakian, senior director of the program Zero to Three says that babies learn through routines, so it works best when parents pick a method they can use consistently. She also recommends waiting to start the routines until the baby is four months old because that is when they show day-waking, night-sleeping patterns.
The following were tips recommended by Lauren Hartmann in her article, 6 Simple Things That Helped Our Baby Start Sleeping Longer.
By six months old, move the baby to his own room.
Although most parents want the baby near them in the first few months, parents need their own space.
Keep the room dark.
This will create a setting that the baby equates with sleep. Blackout shades are an option to help with this.
Use white noise
There are sound boxes with white noise, you can find it on YouTube, and you can use something simple like a box fan.
When the baby wakes up, let your partner go in to soothe him back to sleep.
The baby equates mom with food, so if mom comes into the room, he will want to eat, but dad will have an easier time soothing him. I experienced this with my grandson. My daughter had tried to put him down for a nap three times without success. Several minutes later, I took him in, put him in the crib, covered him with the blanket and walked out. He was asleep in seconds, and my daughter said, “How did you do that?” I said, “I wasn’t you.”
Don’t be afraid to let them cry and fuss
Each article I read agreed that it is normal for a baby to fuss and cry a little. They need to learn how to self-soothe. Set a time that you are comfortable with before you go in to try to soothe him yourself.
Ask for help
Ask family members to watch the baby at times during the day so you can sleep some. Ask the women in the family what worked for them with their babies.
I hope these ideas help. Please remember that you will sleep again. This is only the first step of the adventure of being a parent.
We all have those moments when we need some uplifting words. It could be that life has beaten us up a little, and we need something to soothe the hits, we could be unsure of ourselves, or we only need some hope and motivation to lift our spirits. No matter what the reason is that we need them, words of encouragement can be extremely powerful.
There are two ways these words can be used. You can offer them to others, or you can give them to yourself with your self-talk. If you offer them to others, use them in a variety of situations and not only when someone is visibly struggling. You would be surprised how well people can disguise their emotions and struggles. Offer comfort and encouragement freely and to a variety of people. You also deserve words of encouragement, and when you are offering comfort to yourself, notice the effect that positive words can have on your mood. Spread them around like confetti.
You need to have an arsenal of words to use when you are ready, so here are some that can use with others or yourself.
You are well-loved
I’m here for you
I am so impressed by you
You are a rock star
Everything will be o.k.
Sometimes we have to wait for the right timing, it will happen.
Take a step at a time
What do you need?
How are you feeling?
You are incredible.
Don’t listen to haters, they like to hate.
Don’t play the comparison game, you are amazing exactly as you are.
You can do this!
Stand back up and keep trying.
Do what you love not what others want you to do.
Attitude is a choice so choose yours.
Have a sense of humor always
Send out positive thoughts.
I hope these are a good start for you. Continue to add to the list as you think of them. Be an encourager for yourself and others.
Children approach life with joy, and without reservations. Each moment is a new adventure, and each person is a possible new friend. Although parents are supposed to guide their children through life, sometimes I think our children may have even more to teach us. Here is what we can learn from our children.
It’s not so hard to make friends.
Children do not care what someone does for a living or what color their skin is or what kind of car they drive. They enjoy each other’s company and they see each new child as a new chance to interact and have fun. Somehow as we become older we make it so much more complicated.
Rest and food make all the difference. Most of the time when a child has a meltdown, it is either because he or she is tired or hungry. The happiest child is one who has adequate rest and has a regular food routine. This does not change as we age. Remember the last time you started to become annoyed for no specific reason. Were you hungry? The chances are that the answer is yes. I have a metabolism that tears through food so I have to eat regularly. When my blood sugar drops, my mood drops as well. It is so bad that my friends carry crackers in their bags for me. When I am too tired I have headaches and I have difficulty concentrating. If I could just take a power nap, I know I would be so much more productive.
Sharing what you have is important. Most children like to at least show others the treasures that they are carrying around if not share them. As parents, we are always telling our children how important it is to share what we have, but we often do not do it enough as adults. There is so much need around us that I think anyone who has the potential to share what they have should do so.
Love is as important as food and should be given freely. Children give hugs and kisses with joyful abandon. They scatter the words I love you like flowers and they crave the same affection in return. This is another area that we manage to complicate as we grow older. In my opinion, you can never say I love you too much and hugs are wonderful unless you know they will make the receiver uncomfortable. Love is the most important thing in life and the more that you can spread around the better and the more you love, the more love comes back to you.
There must be time to play. A child knows the importance of play. Everyone needs time for fun and a chance to use creativity and imagination. As adults, we become too caught up in work and responsibility. Joy can be found in other places with other activities. Take time every day to do something that you enjoy.
The toys we have do not ensure happiness. A child can have just as much fun with a box and some paper and crayons as he can have with the latest state-of-the-art gadget. Don’t waste your money on the latest craze in an attempt to have the latest thing that everyone else has.
Life is full of wonder and adventure. I love the look on my child’s face when something amazes her or fills her with joy. We should try to hold on to some of that amazement over what is around us. Take the time to soak up the beauty around you or special moments.
A child takes his time and stops to explore everything interesting along the way. When did we become so busy that we cannot take in the amazing things around us? If you ever go on a walk with a child you cannot be in a hurry because he will want to stop and inspect every stone, branch, and insect along the way. We are always in a hurry to go somewhere and we become too busy to enjoy the journey.
Here are some things that children do right that we could learn to do better.
Children approach everything they do with an unabashed joy while we tend to analyze everything before doing it.
The look of excitement on a child’s face when they are about to do something they love is priceless. Adults tend to be more guarded about expressing enjoyment.
Children will run not walk towards an opportunity while adults would feel undignified showing such a lack of restraint.
Children treat everyone equally regardless of race, age, or gender. Adults tend to judge by appearances.
Children forgive quickly and with no lingering bitterness.
Children understand the power and need for laughter. Adults need to be less serious.
To a child, everyone is a potential new friend. They realize the possibilities that each new person offers as an individual.
They accept each person into their life without prejudice or question.
They never worry about wasting time. Each activity is worth their time and attention.
They never feel the need to hurry. (Unless ice cream or candy are involved.) It is acceptable to stop and observe the butterflies and to inspect each of the 27 bugs that they will encounter from here to there. Life is full of wonders and they want to observe them all.
Children give their love completely. There are no issues about holding back or being guarded. They love with total abandon.
Children are direct about their needs and their feelings.
Children have faith. They believe and have no need for proof.
Children believe that magic happens.
We need to spend some time just sitting and watching them at play. They have some great lessons to teach us.
I have told myself for years that when I retire from teaching I am going to enjoy the month of September because to me it is a transition month between summer and fall. It offers great weather and many fun activities but it is also a time when school is back in session and parents are more focused on the workplace again. I dream of September and retirement because I will be able to enjoy the calm while everyone has headed back to their tasks. Last week though I realized that we often push off enjoying life’s moments to a future time. Why do we not enjoy our lives more in the present? Here are a few ideas of how I think we can enjoy our lives more right now.
Slow down
I have always hated when someone suggests this because my first thought is I cannot possibly slow down with everything I have to do. If you are like me, you are juggling two tasks at once while thinking of four more you need to complete. I am talking to myself while I try to stay focused and add one more thing to the to-do list. I want to suggest to you that this only leads to stress and worry. I have discovered if I slow down I am actually more productive and definitely happier. Make a list of mission-critical tasks and do them. Ask for help when you can. Slowing down requires some self-talk. When you start to feel stressed be your own cheerleader whether you need to say “calm down”, or “I will get this done.” Use whatever works to push stress away.
Doing nothing from time to time gives you a chance to relax and recharge. When you are bombarded with problems to solve and people are all vying for your attention, quiet moments are necessary to reflect and escape. When we can rest and do activities we enjoy, it makes us more productive when it is time to work again. Rest allows us to think more clearly and function better.
Setting the priorities for your day can help too. You have to be the one in charge of your day, don’t let your day control you.
Be grateful
It is very easy to see everything that is wrong in your life, but all that does is make you unhappy. Make a list of everything that is a blessing for you and realize that there are people around you who are struggling so much more than you. Open your eyes to the positives in your life instead of focusing on the negatives.
Be present
We become so caught up in the whirlwind of life that sometimes we don’t enjoy the moment we are in at the time. When you are with friends or family don’t spend your time thinking about all the work you have to do. Savor the important moments. Concentrate on the people with whom you are speaking, enjoy a leisurely meal, and observe the beauty around you.
Listen
Are you listening to the people around you or are you thinking about your next task or when you can insert your voice? Try listening without interrupting and you will be amazed at how much you can learn about someone. Also, practice listening to what is happening around you.
Focus on family and friends
Don’t allow your work to go from a profession to an obsession. Spending every waking minute on work is not healthy for anyone. Carve out time to make memories with family and friends and the enjoyment of your time spent with them will help you with productivity in other areas.
Go outside
There is energy in nature and going outside is a great way to recharge. Sit on the porch and listen to the sounds of the neighborhood and watch the world from a comfy chair.
Spend time on you
If you do not take care of yourself, it is difficult to care for others well. Exercise, do what you love, eat well, and see your doctors regularly.
Disconnect
We spend too much time on our screens wasting time checking our e-mail and scrolling through social media. Every once in a while, put your phone down and don’t check it for at least an hour.
Put away the to-do list
I take a day now and then when I don’t do anything that I don’t want to do. The housework and other tasks will all be there the next day.
Laugh more
Laughing is the fastest way to make us happy and it’s contagious. If I was laughing around my sister, she would start laughing without even knowing what was making me laugh. It’s hard to be in a bad mood when you are laughing.
What would you say to your parents if you had a chance to thank them for what they have done for you? If you have children of your own you realize some of the struggles that they experienced. Have you ever thanked them? I wrote a letter to my father when he first became ill to thank him for everything but for some reason, I did not send it and he died several weeks later. I also never told my mother how much I appreciated what she had done for me. If I had another chance to speak to them, this is what I would say thank you for.
For giving me what I needed and not necessarily everything I wanted.
For making Christmas magical
For all the Halloween parties in our spooky cellar with the bowls of slimy spaghetti and peeled grapes.
For working two jobs so that I could go to a good school.
For teaching me the meaning of hard work
For loving me unconditionally and believing that the other person was always wrong and I was always right.
For telling me what you really thought about my boyfriends and understanding when I didn’t listen.
For protecting me.
For teaching me spirituality even when I didn’t think it was something that I wanted or needed.
For being amazing role models
For encouraging my passion for reading.
For not thinking I was stupid because I just didn’t get Geometry.
For taking my husband into the family as if he was your son.
For telling me to take the risk of starting a business even though you were as nervous about it as I was.
For spoiling my children.
For teaching me the importance of family.
For telling me (continually) to slow down. I think I’m finally catching on to the importance of that.
For not yelling at me the night I came in at 3 a.m.
For spending time with me.
For coming to watch my games even when it scared mom to watch the lacrosse games.
For thinking that if I knew we had to choose between Dad’s cancer treatment and a nice private college for me that I should choose the college.(I didn’t)
For giving me the opportunity to fly and to choose the direction.
For making me feel that home was always there waiting for me.
For teaching me manners and respect.
For a house full of laughter and love.
What would you add to your own list? Make your list and if your parents are still alive send it to them. They deserve a thank you. If your parents have passed, make the list anyways and use it as a chance to relive some great memories.
Most of the more effective solutions in life are very basic and simple to follow. We don’t need the latest technology or have to know the latest theories in order to be a good parent. We just need to have a few tried and true behavioral solutions that we can keep going back to. One of these techniques is called the ten-minute solution.
The ten-minute solution is very easy to use. No matter what activity your child is doing, give your child a ten-minute warning when it is time to change to something new. An example would be if your child was playing with blocks, and it was almost time for a bath you would say “Ten minutes until bath!” It is amazing how children react differently when they have a warning of the need to transition from one thing to another. The glorious aspect of this no-cost solution is that it can be used in all aspects of your child’s life. “Ten minutes until dinner.” “Ten minutes until homework.” It’s hard to imagine that such a simple solution can be effective, but not only does it work, but it also works every time.
The reason why this solution works so well is that change can sometimes seem overwhelming and unpredictable to a child. The more a child can predict and participate in the schedule, the less likely it is that challenges will occur.
Children love routines. They know what and when to anticipate things. When you give them the ten-minute warning, they can ease into the change. It’s a little like some adults needing to ease into the morning with a cup of coffee.
Family fun does not have to empty the wallet. With a little creativity, every family can have a great time and not spend a penny. Here are some ideas.
Go for a hike. Head for the hills or a local park and have some exercise together while enjoying your surroundings. Bring a snack and take a break to enjoy the view and the great company.
Go to the beach. Does your town have a local lake? Bring some beach toys, spread out the blanket, and enjoy the water and sand. Enjoy water sports.
Volunteer to help local community organizations. Go to the pound and play with puppies or to the retirement community to sit and talk with the elderly. You will feel good about helping others and you will have plenty to talk about and share when you are done.
Check the local paper for free cultural events. You can find craft fairs or concerts or art exhibits that are free to the public.
Have a picnic. You can travel to an appropriate spot or just go into the backyard. Spread out the blanket and enjoy some good food and each other’s company.
Watch a t.v. movie at home. Make a huge bowl of popcorn and get comfy in the living room.
Play a board game. Pull out some board games and enjoy a night of laughter and strategy together.
Go to community celebrations. Most small towns have a town celebration which offers fun activities for the whole family. Enjoy local food, face painting, and performances.
Show an outdoor movie and invite the neighborhood. If you can find the equipment, hang up a sheet as a screen and invite several families over to watch it with you.
Go to a parade. Check local listings for holiday parades. Bring some lawn chairs and enjoy the event.
Have a pot-luck barbecue. Invite other families and ask everyone to bring a dish and a beverage.
Go to local sporting events. Go watch the recreational teams compete. They will enjoy the extra spectators and you can watch a great sporting event.
Do a sport together. Kick a soccer ball around, go swimming, play catch, and just enjoy being together.
Cook together. Find some new recipes that you want to try out and make an elaborate dinner together.
Have dinner together. Turn off the television and remove any other distractions and just enjoy each other. You will be surprised how much you will find out about your family when you just sit and listen.
I am as guilty as anyone at believing the image that a person presents to me. We are often too caught up in ourselves to listen closely to what people are saying because sometimes the people we think have it all together, let clues slip to let us know that everything is not o.k.
That is what happened when I was telling a student that she was always so full of joy. She told me it was all a mask. She was always laughing and seemed so happy, but she was fighting severe depression. When I told my husband he completely understood. He told me his stepfather had been very strict and yelled at the children a lot. My husband covered his unhappiness by being the class clown. I can see the switch in him even today. When he is around a group of people he will be laughing and joking, but I can see his struggles with sadness in quieter moments.
When someone asks how we are doing we are programmed to answer that we are fine because it has become an empty question where most people really are not looking for the true answer. We also don’t want to burden others with our issues. How many times has someone noticed you were not quite acting like yourself, but when you are asked if everything is o.k. you come up with a convenient excuse like being tired? Wouldn’t it be healthier for us to share our struggles instead of pushing them out of the way?
What if we were willing to listen to the real answers when we ask someone how he is doing? We usually are uncomfortable when someone starts to share problems, but maybe we could start to put a dent in our mental health issues if we gave them more of a voice.
Ask your friends and family how they are doing but go beyond that and probe deeper. Listen to what is going on and offer your support. We need each other, but before we can help, we have to be willing to drop the masks and look at mental health straight on.
Jennifer’s writing 