Jennifer’s writing

                                                

I have told myself for years that when I retire from teaching I am going to enjoy the month of September because to me it is a transition month between summer and fall. It offers great weather and many fun activities but it is also a time when school is back in session and parents are more focused on the workplace again. I dream of September and retirement because I will be able to enjoy the calm while everyone has headed back to their tasks. Last week though I realized that we often push off enjoying life’s moments to a future time. Why do we not enjoy our lives more in the present? Here are a few ideas of how I think we can enjoy our lives more right now.

Slow down

I have always hated when someone suggests this because my first thought is I cannot possibly slow down with everything I have to do. If you are like me, you are juggling two tasks at once while thinking of four more you need to complete. I am talking to myself while I try to stay focused and add one more thing to the to-do list. I want to suggest to you that this only leads to stress and worry. I have discovered if I slow down I am actually more productive and definitely happier. Make a list of mission-critical tasks and do them. Ask for help when you can. Slowing down requires some self-talk. When you start to feel stressed be your own cheerleader whether you need to say “calm down”, or “I will get this done.” Use whatever works to push stress away.

Doing nothing from time to time gives you a chance to relax and recharge. When you are bombarded with problems to solve and people are all vying for your attention, quiet moments are necessary to reflect and escape. When we can rest and do activities we enjoy, it makes us more productive when it is time to work again. Rest allows us to think more clearly and function better.

Setting the priorities for your day can help too. You have to be the one in charge of your day, don’t let your day control you.

Be grateful

It is very easy to see everything that is wrong in your life, but all that does is make you unhappy. Make a list of everything that is a blessing for you and realize that there are people around you who are struggling so much more than you. Open your eyes to the positives in your life instead of focusing on the negatives.

Be present

We become so caught up in the whirlwind of life that sometimes we don’t enjoy the moment we are in at the time. When you are with friends or family don’t spend your time thinking about all the work you have to do. Savor the important moments. Concentrate on the people with whom you are speaking, enjoy a leisurely meal, and observe the beauty around you.

Listen

Are you listening to the people around you or are you thinking about your next task or when you can insert your voice? Try listening without interrupting and you will be amazed at how much you can learn about someone. Also, practice listening to what is happening around you.

Focus on family and friends

Don’t allow your work to go from a profession to an obsession. Spending every waking minute on work is not healthy for anyone. Carve out time to make memories with family and friends and the enjoyment of your time spent with them will help you with productivity in other areas.

Go outside

There is energy in nature and going outside is a great way to recharge. Sit on the porch and listen to the sounds of the neighborhood and watch the world from a comfy chair.

Spend time on you

If you do not take care of yourself, it is difficult to care for others well. Exercise, do what you love, eat well, and see your doctors regularly.

Disconnect

We spend too much time on our screens wasting time checking our e-mail and scrolling through social media. Every once in a while, put your phone down and don’t check it for at least an hour.

Put away the to-do list

I take a day now and then when I don’t do anything that I don’t want to do. The housework and other tasks will all be there the next day.

Laugh more

Laughing is the fastest way to make us happy and it’s contagious. If I was laughing around my sister, she would start laughing without even knowing what was making me laugh. It’s hard to be in a bad mood when you are laughing.

                                             

What would you say to your parents if you had a chance to thank them for what they have done for you? If you have children of your own you realize some of the struggles that they experienced. Have you ever thanked them? I wrote a letter to my father when he first became ill to thank him for everything but for some reason, I did not send it and he died several weeks later. I also never told my mother how much I appreciated what she had done for me. If I had another chance to speak to them, this is what I would say thank you for.

• For giving me what I needed and not necessarily everything I wanted.
• For making Christmas magical
• For all the Halloween parties in our spooky cellar with the bowls of slimy spaghetti and peeled grapes.
• For working two jobs so that I could go to a good school.
• For teaching me the meaning of hard work
• For loving me unconditionally and believing that the other person was always wrong and I was always right.
• For telling me what you really thought about my boyfriends and understanding when I didn’t listen.
• For protecting me.
• For teaching me spirituality even when I didn’t think it was something that I wanted or needed.
• For being amazing role models
• For encouraging my passion for reading.
• For not thinking I was stupid because I just didn’t get Geometry.
• For taking my husband into the family as if he was your son.
• For telling me to take the risk of starting a business even though you were as nervous about it as I was.
• For spoiling my children.
• For teaching me the importance of family.
• For telling me (continually) to slow down. I think I’m finally catching on to the importance of that.
• For not yelling at me the night I came in at 3 a.m.
• For spending time with me.
• For coming to watch my games even when it scared mom to watch the lacrosse games.
• For thinking that if I knew we had to choose between Dad’s cancer treatment and a nice private college for me that I should choose the college.(I didn’t) 
• For giving me the opportunity to fly and to choose the direction.
• For making me feel that home was always there waiting for me.
• For teaching me manners and respect.
• For a house full of laughter and love.

What would you add to your own list? Make your list and if your parents are still alive send it to them. They deserve a thank you. If your parents have passed, make the list anyways and use it as a chance to relive some great memories.

Most of the more effective solutions in life are very basic and simple to follow. We don’t need the latest technology or have to know the latest theories in order to be a good parent. We just need to have a few tried and true behavioral solutions that we can keep going back to. One of these techniques is called the ten-minute solution.    

     The ten-minute solution is very easy to use. No matter what activity your child is doing, give your child a ten-minute warning when it is time to change to something new. An example would be if your child was playing with blocks, and it was almost time for a bath you would say “Ten minutes until bath!” It is amazing how children react differently when they have a warning of the need to transition from one thing to another. The glorious aspect of this no-cost solution is that it can be used in all aspects of your child’s life. “Ten minutes until dinner.” “Ten minutes until homework.” It’s hard to imagine that such a simple solution can be effective, but not only does it work, but it also works every time.  

     The reason why this solution works so well is that change can sometimes seem overwhelming and unpredictable to a child. The more a child can predict and participate in the schedule, the less likely it is that challenges will occur.

     Children love routines. They know what and when to anticipate things. When you give them the ten-minute warning, they can ease into the change. It’s a little like some adults needing to ease into the morning with a cup of coffee.  

     Family fun does not have to empty the wallet. With a little creativity, every family can have a great time and not spend a penny. Here are some ideas.

1. Go for a hike. Head for the hills or a local park and have some exercise together while enjoying your surroundings. Bring a snack and take a break to enjoy the view and the great company.
2. Go to the beach. Does your town have a local lake? Bring some beach toys, spread out the blanket, and enjoy the water and sand. Enjoy water sports.
3. Volunteer to help local community organizations. Go to the pound and play with puppies or to the retirement community to sit and talk with the elderly. You will feel good about helping others and you will have plenty to talk about and share when you are done.
4. Check the local paper for free cultural events. You can find craft fairs or concerts or art exhibits that are free to the public.
5. Have a picnic. You can travel to an appropriate spot or just go into the backyard. Spread out the blanket and enjoy some good food and each other’s company.
6. Watch a t.v. movie at home. Make a huge bowl of popcorn and get comfy in the living room.
7. Play a board game. Pull out some board games and enjoy a night of laughter and strategy together.
8. Go to community celebrations. Most small towns have a town celebration which offers fun activities for the whole family. Enjoy local food, face painting, and performances.
9. Show an outdoor movie and invite the neighborhood. If you can find the equipment, hang up a sheet as a screen and invite several families over to watch it with you.
10. Go to a parade. Check local listings for holiday parades. Bring some lawn chairs and enjoy the event.
11. Have a pot-luck barbecue. Invite other families and ask everyone to bring a dish and a beverage.
12. Go to local sporting events. Go watch the recreational teams compete. They will enjoy the extra spectators and you can watch a great sporting event.
13. Do a sport together. Kick a soccer ball around, go swimming, play catch, and just enjoy being together.
14. Cook together. Find some new recipes that you want to try out and make an elaborate dinner together. 
15. Have dinner together. Turn off the television and remove any other distractions and just enjoy each other. You will be surprised how much you will find out about your family when you just sit and listen.

I am as guilty as anyone at believing the image that a person presents to me. We are often too caught up in ourselves to listen closely to what people are saying because sometimes the people we think have it all together, let clues slip to let us know that everything is not o.k.

That is what happened when I was telling a student that she was always so full of joy. She told me it was all a mask. She was always laughing and seemed so happy, but she was fighting severe depression. When I told my husband he completely understood. He told me his stepfather had been very strict and yelled at the children a lot. My husband covered his unhappiness by being the class clown. I can see the switch in him even today. When he is around a group of people he will be laughing and joking, but I can see his struggles with sadness in quieter moments.

When someone asks how we are doing we are programmed to answer that we are fine because it has become an empty question where most people really are not looking for the true answer. We also don’t want to burden others with our issues. How many times has someone noticed you were not quite acting like yourself, but when you are asked if everything is o.k. you come up with a convenient excuse like being tired? Wouldn’t it be healthier for us to share our struggles instead of pushing them out of the way?

 What if we were willing to listen to the real answers when we ask someone how he is doing? We usually are uncomfortable when someone starts to share problems, but maybe we could start to put a dent in our mental health issues if we gave them more of a voice.

Ask your friends and family how they are doing but go beyond that and probe deeper. Listen to what is going on and offer your support. We need each other, but before we can help, we have to be willing to drop the masks and look at mental health straight on.

Running seems like it would be a simple sport where you put one foot in front of the other, but it is slightly more complicated than that. There are also many false conceptions about running, and I know people who think it is a sport they could never do. Running has been a passion of mine for many years. I started running in college, and I coached cross-country for thirteen years. I have run quite a few races including 16 ultra-marathons (A race longer than 26.2) Let me give you a few tips that have worked for me.

Before you start any fitness program, check with your healthcare provider that you are clear to participate. It is also a good idea to go to your local running shoe store and talk about good shoes.

 Keep your shoulders relaxed and focus on breathing. It is very common for beginning runners to tense up their shoulders. This will result in painful cramping in the shoulders. Run with the body completely relaxed. This will also help to avoid some injuries since a loose body reacts to certain situations better than a tense, rigid one. New runners will sometimes hold their breath because they are so focused on running. Focus on regular breathing in and out until it becomes second nature.

The feet should follow a straight line. This will help to keep your body aligned. Runners who point their feet to their sides often end up with hip and knee problems.

Lean into hills with short strides and control running downhill. Shortening your stride and leaning into the hill will make it easier to get up it faster. Hill running also requires some mental training. Remember that it is only a hill. Have some mental boosters ready to repeat as you ascend. An example would be “I will not stop, you cannot defeat me, I will conquer this” It is surprising how well this works. When going downhill, control the way your feet impact the ground. Many runners slam their feet down with each step and end up with shin splints. Lean forward into the hill and run through it.

Do a variety of different types of runs. Do some long slow runs because you must build a base of miles in order to run well. A long slow run also is a great way to ease out the kinks and unwind.   We say that we are doing LSD (long slow distance) the runner’s drug. Run some hills.
Hills not only make you faster and stronger, but hill work also helps you with technique. It also prepares you mentally for a hilly course. Do some speed work because the only way to get faster is to run faster. Speedwork is also a great way to learn how to pace yourself. 

Run softly.  Pay attention to how hard your feet hit the ground. If you can lessen the impact when you run, you have less chance of injury.

Drink plenty of fluids and eat a variety of food.  Most of us do not drink enough fluid even when we are not exercising, and a deficiency of fluids can make us sluggish. When we are running, we lose fluids and need to replace them. The best way to avoid dehydration is to drink a little all day. You know you are drinking enough if when you go to the bathroom your urine is clear. Do not follow the fad of the day whether it is a high protein or low carbohydrates. Eat a variety of healthy foods.

Understand the mental aspect of running. There are several things that will benefit you mentally. You have to be confident that you will do your best. You have to work on a positive attitude and practice positive self-talk. Play games when you run like counting how many runners you pass. Never go out with a defeatist attitude, it will slow you down much faster than shin splints. Set goals and decide how you will meet them.

Talk to veteran runners and ask for advice. There are also some great running groups on social media and it should be easy to find local running groups as well.

When we make goals it’s a good idea to find a way to keep ourselves accountable and to map our progress, so a goal journal is a good tool to have. A goal journal is a spot to write down what you would like to achieve, and then allow you to tweak the goal or mark if it has been achieved. It’s fun to look back a year to year and see how our goals have changed and what we have achieved. Here are some ideas on making one work for you.

Pick a journal that is appealing to you visually and that you enjoy touching. You will be more likely to pick it up and use it consistently if it appeals to your senses.

Decide how you would like to use it. Do you want to divide goals into categories of daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, or do you want to pick only a one-time frame?

Write out your goals. Writing our goals out gives them power and makes them more real.

Under each goal, write a plan of how you will achieve the goal and make the commitment that you will believe you can achieve it.

Find a yellow, green, and pink highlighter. Choose a period of time to revisit and update your goals. Each time you look at them, highlight them with green for achieved, yellow for still working on it, and pink for changing the goal.

Make comments as you go about how the journey is going.

You can also document success along the way with visuals. Put in photos that show your success, or letters, and news clippings.

My husband hates to exercise, and he has a wicked sweet tooth, but when he had a small stroke, the doctor told him he had to lose weight and exercise. His idea of exercise is fifteen minutes of very slow walking, but I am so happy that he is moving, and I know he has found the fitness routine that works for him. I am the opposite side of the spectrum because running is therapy for me, and it is a part of my daily routine. I have heard stories of everything in between when it comes to people and exercise because your health routine is personal. Some people are afraid to start, or they see it as a huge undertaking, but being healthier doesn’t have to be difficult. Let me give you some easy steps to be healthier.

Start any exercise routine slowly and realize that you will see improvement gradually. Don’t expect change overnight.

Rest enough. I know this is easier said than done, but it will make you better in everything you do.

Control your portions. If you go out to eat, cut your meal in half and turn it into two meals.

Eliminate those foods that you eat excessively. I don’t mean you should not eat food you enjoy, but we all have food that we cannot stop eating. It’s better not to have that food in the house. Mine are Doritos and frosted animal cookies.

 Make realistic goals and make plans to achieve them. Keep track of your progress with a goal journal.

Be fearless by refusing to make any more excuses. Make positive changes even if they are small.

Whatever steps you take to be healthier, do them consistently. Starting and stopping your good habits will not give you the same results you will achieve if you make them part of your routine.

Don’t make being healthy feel like a burden. Make it fun. Find a form of movement that you will enjoy and do regularly. Find someone to join you. Explore healthy food choices and find some you like. Don’t make this painful.

Don’t neglect your mental health. Everyone is different, so what helps you in this area will vary, but here are a few ideas to help with mental health. Spend some time alone doing nothing, laugh a lot, try something new, spend time with family and friend, pet a puppy, and do a lot of whatever you love.

Stay current with your doctor visits. I hate going to the dentist, but I go. Have yearly testing done, and if you notice something is off with you, go see the doctor.

I hope this is a year filled with excellent health for you. Believe you can do it and become healthier one step at a time. 

The last time we experienced a puppy, I distinctly remember agreeing with my husband that the next dog we had would be an older dog. I’m not sure exactly how we ended up two months ago with a four-month-old super hyper border collie. Most days, he is full of energy, ready to run from the moment he wakes up until it’s time for bed. Although some days I am overwhelmed, I know what a blessing he is, and I have learned so much about having a dog that I didn’t know before. Let me share a few things that I have discovered.

Border collies require tasks and the more tricks you can teach them the better. Every day, I take bandit through our tasks and tricks, and he always looks so happy when we do them. Some of these tasks would be good for any dog and they can be lifesaving. Here are a few that are important to us.

Waiting to exit the crate. When you start to open the crate if the dog starts to leave, close the door. Keep doing this until he realizes he needs to wait for your command to exit. I say break, but you can pick your word. The reason this task is so important is for safety. If you take the dog in the car, you don’t want him to jump out before you are ready. Training him to wait in the crate will keep him from hurting himself.

Show him some love when he comes out of the crate. Take a few minutes to pet him and give him attention.

Teach him basic commands like sit, stay, and lie down. My dog loves to jump on people so telling him to sit is helpful.

Go to your crate is another very important command. When you leave the house, you will probably need to put the puppy in the crate. Make it sound like that is the best place in the world to go. Give him some treats each time he goes in there. It will become a place where he feels safe. We also bought a raised dog bed, and we have trained him to go there as well.

I have also taught him the command run. I do this when we are playing frisbee, but I also want to be able to have him get away from any potentially harmful situation like snakes.

Name things

Teach the puppy the words for different objects. Help him know the difference between the ball and the frisbee, and any other important items

Feeding

Find healthy dog food. Many people make their own. I never knew that dogs could eat vegetables, so it has been interesting seeing how much my dog loves carrots.

There are dental bones to keep the dog’s teeth healthy and because puppies need to chew, you can also buy some bones for that.

There are also lots of healthy treats to practice tricks.

Toys

There are so many fun toys available. Many are interactive. We had one that was a squirrel treehouse with cloth squirrels inside, and the dog had to get the squirrels out of the treehouse. Another toy was a ball and a long rope. The ball was attached to the floor with a suction cup, and the dog could pull on the rope. Tennis balls are still the favorite though.

Socializing

Introduce your puppy to other dogs and people as often as possible and show him how to behave.

Different environments

Bring him around different places and things so he loses his fear of new things. Bandit was afraid of garbage cans until he finally had the courage to sniff one.

A puppy will need your attention, energy, and patience. It is a lot like having a two-year-old. Do not leave that two-year-old alone for long unattended unless you want some unpleasant surprises. Good luck!

What Would Betty White do?

Since the death of Betty White, I have been thinking about what a genuinely good human being she was and that we could all learn some lessons from her. I started to wonder how she would handle different situations, and I researched her background to gain some insight into how she might react. Here are my questions and answers based on her information.

How would Betty handle haters? First, I asked myself if it was possible that she had haters, and then I hoped she did because if Betty White had haters, it would be easier to ignore mine. I found one Betty White hater who said he hated her and thought there was too much hype about her. The comments that followed told him why the hype was merited. Betty White once said that everyone should mind their own business and not worry about other people so much. In one quote she says that even if you are thinking of a hateful remark, you should not say it because it will chip away at the other person’s self-esteem. I think she would ignore the haters or reply to them kindly or make them laugh.

Would she pray for you? Betty White was Christian and a member of the Unity Church, so I’m sure she knew the power of prayer.

Did she value friendship? Betty believed that you had to nurture good friendship. You needed to give the friendship time and attention for it to last.

What would she gift someone who needed comfort? We all know how passionate she was about animals, so I think she might consider an animal to help with emotional support.

What was her way of making people comfortable? She was so funny, and laughter can diffuse most situations. She also spread kindness like confetti.

In my research, I read several times that she believed it was important to be curious about everything, to develop new interests, and not to be afraid to learn new things.

Betty White has left us many wonderful lessons, and I will continue to ask what would Betty White do?