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Red Flags When Giving Advice

Do you ever have those moments when someone asks for your advice, and then you quickly realize they either were not ready for it, or weren’t really interested in hearing it?

I love to help people, and I will do what I can to help when asked, but there are several situations when I realize I cannot help someone. At every market when I vend my books, at least one person asks me for advice on how to start writing, get published, or be more successful.

They ask me in different ways. One young man came to my booth looking terrified. He said, “I want to be a writer, but I don’t know how, can you tell me what I should do?” I didn’t want to overwhelm him so I asked him a few questions, offered some action steps, and gave him my card so he could contact me if he needed help. I have not heard anything from him since. Sometimes you can give tons of advice, but if someone is too afraid to start, fear will block out your advice.

The second red flag that people raise is when they put up roadblocks on anything you suggest. A woman came to my booth and said, “So you self-published all these books?” There are two ways someone can ask about self-publishing. One way shows curiosity about your publishing journey. The other is saying self-publishing is your only option. The tone of her voice told me it was the latter. I said, “I self-published two of them, and the rest are published through a traditional publisher.” She then switched the attack to money. “You probably don’t make any money doing this.” I finally discovered that her daughter wanted to be a writer, but as her mother she was skeptical of the possibilities. She began to ask my advice, but for everything I said, she had a reason why it wouldn’t work. I felt sorry for her daughter because if writing is her passion, the major roadblock might be her mother.

Another example of a challenge maker/dream breaker was a man who asked me how to join the market because he had written some children books. I kept telling him that the woman in charge of the market was behind him and he could speak with her, but he was too busy telling me why it wouldn’t work, and he kept talking over me. By the time he was finished, the woman who could have helped him was gone.

The final red flag involves the excuse maker. When the excuses start flying, I stop talking because this person is not ready to receive help.

You probably have amazing advice to offer others but realize that some people can receive it and take actions for success, but others are not ready or interested in receiving the wisdom, so save your energy to use where it will do the most good.    

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Important Lessons Running Can Teach You

Important Lessons Running Can Teach You

I started running in college for weight maintenance. I had no idea what a major part it would play in my life. It has saved me in many ways and taught me valuable life lessons. Here are a few that I am grateful to running for teaching me.

What you think you could never do is possible. You just need the courage to do it. I have always enjoyed competing in races. I had done all the distances except for an ultra-marathon which is anything beyond the marathon distance of 26.2. A friend asked me if I would consider doing an ultra and I laughed and said that I thought running more than 26. 2 was crazy. I discovered I should never say never when another friend told me about an ultra her husband did. She said the atmosphere was very chill and I could stop whenever I wanted. I ran it and fell in love with the ultra-distance. I learned that to grow I needed to step outside my comfort zone.

Don’t compare yourself to others. This lesson took awhile for me to learn because I always wanted to be as fast as someone else, or as fit as another person, but everyone has strengths and weaknesses. You will be happier with more success if you focus on your improvements instead of trying to run or train like someone else. I now repeat the power phrase, “Run your own race.” When I am in a race to remind myself that there are many ways to run, and I need to do the one that fits my style.

Don’t judge a runner by the exterior. A lot of running depends on how much grit and heart someone has. Runners come in all shapes, sizes, and ages, and you never know which ones are going to crush the race. We go to a race every year where you complete as many one-mile loops as you can in 48 hours. Every year, one of the ladies reads a book while she walks. I heard two young men making fun of her, and I hope they checked the results after the race because she covered 102 miles! Every one has different ways to arrive at the goal.

Running is therapy. If you doubt this, go to any race and talk to the people around you. Most runners have a story and most of them are inspiring. At a recent ultra we were in hour 10 and I asked a young man how he was doing. He replied, “I am so glad to be here.” I thought to myself, “Oh, he has a story.” Unfortunately, I couldn’t keep up with him to hear it.

Runners use running to prove they are stronger than a challenge they face, or as an outlet to beat the challenge. It is a positive way to fight the mental roadblocks.

Rest is maintenance not laziness. I used to think I needed to train every day until I realized that my days off made me stronger. Rest should be a part of every program.

You are stronger than you think. Running has taught me how resilient the body can be. My ultra coach told me, “Jen, when you hit a wall, don’t give up. Sit down and let your body recover. You will come back stronger. It is amazing to see what you can do. Running allows you to keep pushing further.

Running teaches you about balance. Your best runs are when your mind and body are working together. If your mind believes you can achieve something, the body will follow. Running is a way for me to use my body to reset my mental health.

Runners are outstanding people. Creating community is one of the keys to living longer, and the running community is accepting and encouraging. Your social life will improve with running.

If you run, you are a real runner. I have heard that expression many times. What is a real runner? Everyone has a different concept of the answer to that question, so don’t worry about it. If you run, you are a runner.

Running helps you to know your body better. You learn so much about how your body works when you run. You will learn about how fast you can go, when you need to hydrate, what foods work best for you, and many other things.

Well, those are a few things I have learned while out running. What lessons has running taught you?

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The Warning Signs Your Body Sends

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

                                The Warning Signs Your Body Sends

Our bodies are amazing machines that are constantly repairing themselves. They often need our help, so they are sending us signals that things are going great or that something might be wrong. Many of the signs are easy to spot, but we are so busy we often miss them. Here are a few symptoms that are ways for your body to catch your attention.

  • Pain and discomfort are part of your body’s alarm system. The pain might be sharp, dull, burning, or pulsating, and it hints at different issues. A sore throat is often a precursor to something else. When I was run down, I would have a mild sore throat. It was my body’s warning system to slow down and take care of myself. When I did that, the sore throat would go away. If I ignored it and kept pushing, I would be sick within three days.
  •  Muscle aches could mean strain, overuse, dehydration, and illness.
  • A fever usually indicates that the body is fighting infection. Chills is your body trying to warm itself.
  • Changes in appetite, nausea, constipation, and diarrhea signals issues in your stomach that could be caused by certain foods, dehydration, and other factors.
  • Fatigue can mean your body is overworked, lacking nutrients, or dehydrated. Certain medications can cause fatigue.
  • Changes in heart rate can signal stress or heart or lung problems.
  • Cognitive changes including brain fog and mood swings can be from inflammation, infections, or allergies.
  • Frequent headaches can be from dehydration, stress, or eye strain.
  • Bad breath can be a sign of a gut imbalance.
  • Dry mouth can be from dehydration, medication, anxiety, and breathing through the mouth.
  • Bleeding gums can be caused by a vitamin c deficiency or gum disease.
  • Acne can be from a hormonal imbalance or excess sugar or dairy intake.
  • Yellow skin or eyes could be a liver or gall bladder problem.
  • Dry skin or eczema can be from dehydration or allergies.
  • Hair loss could be caused by hormonal imbalance, a thyroid, or iron deficiency.
  • Cold hands and feet can be from poor circulation, low thyroid function, or anemia.
  • Puffy eyes are a sign of water retention, allergies, poor sleep, or high salt intake.

All of these symptoms are only possibilities, and there are many more ways to describe what is happening in your body. You know yourself better than anyone else. If you feel as if something is not quite right, visit your doctor and take care of it. Also, remember that rest is a form of maintenance.

Some traits are signs that your body is in balance. Here are a few positive messages your body is sending.  

  • Clear, glowing skin can mean you are hydrating well, and your hormones are in balance.
  • Strong, shiny hair is a sign of adequate protein, and iron.
  • Smooth nails without ridges or spots is a sign of good minerals and vitamins in your body.
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How to Handle Holiday Stressors

How to Handle Holiday Stressors

The holidays should be a time we look forward to, but this time of the year comes with a fair amount of stress. The stressors can come together to create a perfect storm that can leave us tired. Here are a few of the stressors and some ideas to handle them.

The expectations. Whenever you bring a family together, you bring all their expectations with them. Be direct with the family and make a plan. Ask for the expectations. What does each person look forward to during the holidays? Who is hosting the party?  Divide the tasks so one person doesn’t end up doing all the work.

Hidden stressors. You can stress out enough worrying about planning, but there are stressors beyond that. What if certain members of the family don’t get along? The tension can be difficult to navigate. We might worry about how much money is being spent, or if the family will enjoy the festivities.

Go into the holidays hoping for the best. Worry is wasted energy, so don’t create bad scenarios that might not happen. Ask others to pitch in with expenses.

When chaos reigns. Children running through the house screaming, Aunt Olga who asks you again when you are having children, and Uncle Bart who always has five too many drinks can ruin any holiday. Be clear about the boundaries you want to create and have some help enforcing them.

I hope you find a way to handle the holiday stressors, and that your holidays are full of blessings.

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Moments That Mattered as a Parent

I know the power of sharing experiences. We often feel that we are alone in our struggles, and as parents, we frequently ask ourselves if we made the right decision. Hearing the experiences of other parents is helpful, whether those experiences reinforce the feeling that we did something right, offer us alternatives for next time, or help us laugh at situations. I am going to pose some questions, give you my response, and encourage you to respond as well, either in the comments, through a discussion with others, or only in your thoughts.

What were some of your sweetest moments as a parent?

  • I loved it when my babies fell asleep on my chest. Even though there were a million things I should do while they were sleeping, I knew these moments were special.
  • Each child developed special interests, and I enjoyed seeing how happy they were when they were doing them. My oldest likes to travel, the middle child loves bugs and photography, and the youngest loved going to a local lake with a net and bowl to catch baby turtles and salamanders.
  • When I would read to them at night, I would start to fall asleep, and they would say, “Mommy, you need to go to bed!”
  • On my 60th birthday, my family gave me a party, and my children told me why they were thankful I was their parent. Considering they told me many times that I was ruining their lives, I appreciated their words.

What were some of your hardest moments as a parent?

  • Sometimes I knew that discipline was the right thing to do, but it was so hard to do. I knew I had to do it, though, because they needed to learn that actions have consequences.
  • Finding out when they had done something wrong was always tough.
  • Seeing all three struggle with depression was gut-wrenching.
  • Although I am thankful that all three are happy, it was hard to have them leave home to start their lives.
  • When my husband was battling addiction and traveling constantly to hide it. I felt like a single parent, and I felt very alone.

When did you sound or act like your parents?

  • I swore I would never worry as much as my mom, but I worry about everything.
  • I know I said, “After everything we have done for you!” at least once.

What do you think you have taught your children?

  • Resilience
  • Be kind
  • Do what’s right
  • Have a good work ethic.

It’s your turn now. How would you answer these questions?

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The Importance of Sharing Your Journey

You know all the struggles you have experienced, or those issues life has thrown your way that you are afraid to reveal? Being transparent about them could help a lot of people who are dealing with similar things. It makes them realize there is hope, and it helps them feel less alone. Your transparency will also help you know that many others are dealing with burdens just like yours.

I don’t usually post about my mental struggles because I don’t want to burden anyone, but a recent experience taught me how wrong I was. Three years ago, I had my first A-fib episode (irregular heartbeat). After many tests and a short time taking a beta blocker, I went two years without any episodes. Unfortunately, the episodes started again recently and became more frequent. I had to go back to my cardiologist, who prescribed a stronger medication and did more heart tests. On top of that, I received a call from my dermatologist saying that I needed another Mohs surgery on my face for skin cancer. It will be the third one in several months. At the same time, I managed to tear my meniscus, and as an avid runner, I know that means I cannot run until it heals. Throw a few personal struggles in, and I had the perfect storm.

I reached out on social media and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. The posts of love and positivity were wonderful, but there was another outcome to my post that made me realize it was the right thing to do. Friends started texting and calling to tell me about struggles they were also experiencing. They had been holding their feelings inside because they were afraid of judgment. They told me they were glad to be able to share with someone.

We often think we are the only ones experiencing something, and we wonder why we cannot find a solution. When we see someone else whom we admire fighting the same battle, it eases our feelings of inadequacy.

When you share your journey, you might have some insight from your experience that could help someone else. You could be much much-needed inspiration.

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3 steps of distance running

The 3 Steps to Distance Running

When you hear conversations about distance running, most people talk about training. Preparation for a longer race is an important element, but it is only one piece in the puzzle of how to perform well in distance running. There are three steps that every runner should consider to be a good distance runner. The steps are preparation, performance, and recovery. All three are equally important. Here are the basics for each step.

Preparation. I remember when I was younger, saying I only wanted to run. I didn’t want to do the stretching, strength training, and cross-training that are often recommended. I changed my mind after an injury that demanded I go to physical therapy for four weeks. The trainer emphasized to me the importance of stretching for flexibility, strength training to build all my muscles, and cross-training to work in different muscle groups. I also needed a rest day instead of running hard every day. She convinced me that I needed a varied program to protect my body, and she was right.

The great thing about preparation is that you can make it unique to you if you incorporate the different elements. You can choose the cross-training you enjoy the most. I need to strengthen my knees, so I do the stair climbing machine. You can climb any set of stairs without going to the gym. I do a strength training routine using weights, but there are many exercises you can do at home using your own body weight, like pushups and planks.

Consistency is a key element in preparation. I had been training for an ultra when a family member became ill in another state. I couldn’t train for a week, and I questioned whether I should do the race. My husband said that I would be fine because I had done consistent preparation.  

There is also preparation for race day. If you are doing a distance run, you should practice using what you will use on race day. What electrolytes or gels work best for you? There are several that are too harsh on my stomach, so I have had to experiment to find a good one. Experiment with clothing to see what you are most comfortable wearing. What shoes will you wear? What will you do to prepare your feet? I always slather mine with Vaseline before putting on my shoes. It prevents some of the wear and tear. What hydration will you need? These are all questions to ask before race day.

Performance. Race day arrives. Are you ready? You might be sure you have prepared yourself physically, but on race day, you will also be tested mentally. Those doubts tend to creep into your brain when you are standing at the starting line. Questions like, what if I hurt myself, or what if everything goes wrong, are thoughts that swirl through your mind before the race starts. This is when all your preparation will help you. You have practiced different scenarios, and you are ready.

As your race progresses, your success will hinge on how well you can pivot if you need to change your strategy. Even though you are following your plan, something might happen that requires you to be flexible with your approach. I was running a race where everything was going well when suddenly I started feeling sick. Luckily, I was carrying some ginger candies, and eating a few of those saved me.

Run your own race. Don’t compare yourself to other runners, but watch and learn what other runners do to be successful.

Rest. This is the step that runners are terrible at doing. There is always another race to prepare for, and runners often forget how valuable rest days are. Your body needs time to recover from long runs. If I do anything above 26 miles, I take the next day off, and then I do light running or walking for a few days after, or I cross-train. If you give your body a rest, you can come back stronger.

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Teaching people how to treat you in 5 ways

You would think that treating someone in a decent, kind, fair way would be easy to figure out, but the fact is, you have to teach people how to treat you. Here are 5 ways to do it.

Don’t react with emotion. Although toxic behavior, unkind remarks, and actions can make tempers flare, if you deal with the situation without emotions, you will have a more productive resolution.

Draw clear boundaries. You have to let people know what is acceptable and what is not. When someone says something inappropriate, don’t respond for 5 seconds. Let silence do its work, then ask the person to repeat what was said. At that point, the individual will usually apologize. If not, have a calm conversation about why the statement was not acceptable.

Create consequences for bad behavior. When someone crosses the line, there should be consequences. Those consequences could be a refusal to continue an activity or conversation. It doesn’t have to be dramatic; it only needs to send a message.

Stand up for yourself. Many people let things go instead of addressing toxic behavior. It’s better to be alone than to be treated poorly. Call someone out when you are treated with condescension, belittled, or ignored. You deserve better.

Let people know you have options. Walk away when toxic behavior doesn’t change. Let people know you have options and that you deserve to be surrounded by good people who genuinely value you.

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So you want to be a writer? 5 Tips to start.

So you want to be a writer? 5 steps to make it happen.

I have published 9 books, and I sell them at our local craft market. I love interacting with all the people who stop by, and there is always at least one person who asks me about how to be a writer. Here are the 5 basic steps that I tell them.

Every book or article needs a why. Your why is your goal and your motivation. Your why will keep you writing when you start to question your ability to write, and whether the time you are devoting to the task is wasted effort.

I have four children’s books. I wrote them to be a legacy for my grandson, Parker. I want him to look back on the books and realize how loved he was. My husband loves it because not many children can say they have four children’s books about them when they present at show and tell.

My why for my self-help books was because of all the need and hurt I see around me. I wanted to write something that offered comfort and encouragement.

What is your plan? Your plan is your how. How will you take your ideas and put them on paper? There isn’t a right or wrong way to do this. My dad used to have a recorder in his car, and he would record any thoughts he had when he wasn’t where he could write them down. I usually use a whiteboard to write down my ideas and a loose outline.

Research what you need to know about different genres. I had no idea how to write a children’s book, so I asked my publisher questions, and he guided me through the first one.

Who will publish your writing? There are several different ways to publish. A traditional publisher will help guide you through edits and will publish the book. Some traditional publishers will pay you while others only give you royalties from what you sell. Others are print on demand. Be careful of vanity publishers. These are publishers who ask for payment to publish. Self-publishing is another option, and one spot to do that is through Amazon’s KDP program.

What is your marketing plan? After you publish your book, you have to encourage people to buy it. You can use social media and sell at local craft markets.

Stay mental. This is probably the most important part because if you do not believe in your writing, you will not finish anything. Just do it!

I hope these ideas help you to begin your journey as a writer. If writing is something you are passionate about, you should do it.