Jennifer’s writing

There are moments in our lives when life shifts completely, and usually, we are not ready for the change. The shift might be a blessing or a tragedy, but it always requires us to show some resilience and flexibility, and it is usually charged with emotions.

There are all sorts of life changes, but here is some common advice to follow when life shifts.

Focus on what you can control.

When our lives change suddenly we can feel disoriented. To gain some normalcy back, focus on what you can handle instead of focusing on what seems out of control.

Practice self-care

When our lives become crazy, it can be easy not to take care of ourselves. We lose our appetite and don’t have the motivation to exercise. You have to take care of yourself to move forward. Be kind to yourself.

Focus on the positive

There are always positives even in the negative changes. Keep a sense of gratitude for what is left.

Make a plan.

I once heard that when a major change happens, you shouldn’t make any drastic decisions for 6 months, but I’m sure that varies depending on the situation.

Seek support.

Big changes can be overwhelming, so don’t be afraid to ask for help in whatever form you need. People are usually glad to lend a helping hand.

Acknowledge emotions.

Keeping your feelings locked inside is unhealthy and will adversely affect you both physically and mentally. You can seek professional help or seek help from family and friends. Often, it helps to just share how you are feeling.

Let’s look at a few examples of when life suddenly changed for someone, and how the person involved handled the situation.

The death of a spouse

The death of a spouse will be devastating in any case, but when it is unexpected it can be even worse. I had a co-worker who lost her husband unexpectedly in a bizarre accident. He was out in the yard cleaning up when a large branch came off of a tree knocking him backward. He hit his head hard against some large rocks and was rushed to the hospital where he died several days later. When I heard the news I looked at my husband and said, “Honey, he was only doing yard work, and in a moment everything changed.” My co-worker eventually came up with a plan to move on and her family has rallied around her to help her.

We all hope something like that will never happen, but we should be prepared. Gather the information that a spouse or other family member will need to know if something happens. My husband has a spreadsheet with everything including expenses, companies we use, and any other important information. Our children know where to find it.

The birth of a child

This is a wonderful moment, but it is also a time that turns your life upside down. Not only will you be sleep deprived, and scared that you are a horrible parent, but you will also receive some of the most outlandish, unhelpful advice you have ever heard. When my daughter had a baby I told her during the first year just make sure the baby is fed, loved, and has a clean diaper. Anything else you manage is a bonus. It is also important to practice self-care and not feel guilty about it. All of the struggles will be worth it.

The Big Break

Are you prepared for that moment when you suddenly have a chance for your dream? Believing you can make it is your first step, but you need to have a plan for how you are going to handle your life when everything changes, and your dream is waiting.

Sudden illness

Do you remember the girl in Georgia, Aimee Copeland who lost several limbs after contracting a flesh-eating bacteria after using a zipline? One moment of normal fun changed everything, but while most people would be feeling sorry for themselves, Aimee has been an advocate for people with disabilities. We can’t always control what happens to us, but we can control how we react.

There are many other life-changing moments, but the advice on top can apply to almost all of them. Be prepared for the unexpected, and I pray that all of those moments are positive ones for you.

Don’t you wish there was a user’s guide for life? We could look in the index for whatever challenge we were facing, and we would know what tools and actions were necessary for that moment. Although it’s harder to figure it out through trial and error, those struggles often teach us valuable lessons and strengthen us. There are a few tools I would recommend to make challenges easier to conquer.

A positive attitude

Your attitude changes everything. It affects the energy around you and makes things happen. Positivity will draw people to you; they might be the crew you need to solve those challenges. Believe you can and you will believe you can’t, and you won’t.

A sense of humor

There are days when it feels like everything is going wrong, but you always have a choice about how you react. If my choices are to laugh or cry, I will choose laughter every time. It’s impossible to stay upset after you have had a good laugh.

Curiosity

Asking questions is the way we learn, so stay curious and don’t be afraid to ask about what you don’t know. Be curious about people and ask them about their stories. We have so much to learn from each other.

Empathy/Kindness

Everyone has issues and burdens, and we often have no idea how heavy those burdens are. Be kind to others and try to understand when someone is frustrated and not being a perfect human a little bit of kindness might heal some of the hurt. Random acts of kindness are fun to do and they usually cause a domino effect.

Resilience

It doesn’t matter how many times you fail as long as you learn from the experience and keep getting back up instead of giving up. If one way doesn’t work try something else.

Grit

You have to develop some grit to do well in life. Don’t let others’ judgments affect you as long as you feel you are doing your best. Be strong for others and have faith that you will succeed with hard work.

One of my most fun French classes when we were in Covid lockdown and teaching virtually was when I told the students to be ready to cook at 8 a.m. the next day. I gave them all the ingredients and what they needed to cook with and told them I would meet them in the kitchen. They knew that they needed to have 6 hard-boiled eggs peeled and sliced lengthwise on a platter. Here is the recipe I gave them for the French mayonnaise.

One egg yolk

Crack the egg over a bowl and pass the egg to the empty side of the shell gradually getting rid of the clear liquid until only the yolk is left. Many of the students didn’t know how to separate an egg, so it was fun to hear their reactions. Discard the clear liquid and put the yolk in a bowl.

Add 1 teaspoon of mustard. If you have Dijon that is the best.

Add a dash of salt and pepper.

This is the important part. You are going to add a cup of vegetable oil, but you need to add it slowly. Add some oil, stir the mixture, then add and stir gradually until all the oil is in and you have a smooth texture.

Place some lettuce under the hard-boiled eggs and you can either put the mayonnaise in a bowl on the side to add as they want, or you can spread the mayonnaise on the eggs.

This recipe is so easy to make and delicious. Have fun!

Although I have 3 children, I was not prepared for what happened yesterday while I was babysitting my grandson.

My grandson will be two in a few months. I watch him two days a week to give my daughter some time to run errands and get some things done. I am savoring this time because I know time will go by in the blink of an eye, and he will be in school. We always have fun playing with toys, exploring outside, or watching Bluey. He laughs easily, loves playing with our dog, and generally has a gentle spirit. Yesterday, though it was as if a switch had been switched and he turned into someone else.

He had just gotten up from his nap, and as usual, I carried him downstairs and put him down to play. He let out a bloodcurdling scream and looked very angry, and then he began to cry. It scared me because I thought something was hurting him. I picked him up, and he screamed again and did not want me to put him down. This went on for a while and he was also throwing things after we told him not to do something. It was so bad and out of character that my youngest came downstairs looking very concerned and asked me if I needed help. Then my husband came up from his office and told me he would stay with me until my son-in-law picked him up.

I was so worried that maybe he was coming down with something that I phoned my daughter and asked if she had seen any of this behavior. She said they had seen some hitting and biting, but nothing like what I was describing. Later that day she called me and said Nick (my son-in-law) came downstairs very upset with Parker, and she said, “Mommy, it looked like someone hit Parker in the face.” He had thrown himself on the ground in a temper tantrum. Of all my children, Parker’s mom was the only one who had temper tantrums. There was one epic one when I had a cart full of groceries, and she fell to the ground kicking and screaming. Of course, everyone looked at me as if family services should be called. I picked her up, left the cart, and exited the store.

So we have determined that our sweet toddler has turned the corner into the terrible twos as he deals with the frustration of not being able to communicate well and tries to determine what his place is and where are the boundaries. It sounds a lot like what happens when children turn 13. We are going to keep a sense of humor, guard our patience, and serve out plenty of love as we go through this stage.

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My garden fascinates me. There is so much life happening in the small space. Let me tell you some of the crazy things happening there.

There is tremendous growth overnight. Every morning when I go out to check the garden I always feel like I do on Christmas morning. There is a feeling of anticipation as I wonder what I will see today. I planted some bulbs this winter, and each one is slowly blooming. Four looked like onion stalks, and I almost pulled them out. Today, I went out and they had blossomed into a beautiful yellow and purple flower.

Life will find a way to increase itself. I planted several strawberry plants in a raised box container. The strawberries sent out tendrils (strawberry scouts) and now there are strawberry plants all over the front of the garden. If that wasn’t enough to make me happy, I went out to weed today and saw what I thought were vines growing on the side of the strawberry bed. On closer inspection, it is the beginning of berry bushes. I am definitely winning in the strawberry department.

Odd things grow where I swear there was nothing before. There are beautiful purple flowers growing near one raised bed. I have had a pine tree growing in the middle of the lettuce, and a variety of vines affix themselves to the wooden walls.

I am a messy planter, so I have to step carefully in the garden because random sprigs of lettuce are growing here and there outside of the beds, and today I found a carrot growing next to the container for the green beans.

I know my gardening style (total chaos) would drive some people crazy, but I love the unexpected joys that my garden brings me.

I heard a speech yesterday that resonated with me. The speaker said that easy times make weak people and hard times make strong people. He told his audience that we need warriors. There were layers of meaning in what he said.

Nothing worthwhile ever comes easily. The hard work and effort that goes into attaining something keep us from taking it for granted. It means more when we feel we have earned it.

When life is too easy it makes you soft. You feel entitled and don’t want to fight for the important things. A warrior has grit. Here is why that quality is important.

Gratitude. When we have the attitude that we are blessed and thankful, more blessings flow. Gratitude is catchy and a great example to others.

Resilience is necessary for life because there will be some rough moments when you are knocked down and you need to be able to rise back up. If one thing doesn’t work for you try something else.

Inquisitive. A warrior needs to continue to learn and grow and to do that you have to ask good questions and be a good observer. Learn from experts and try new things.

Tenacity means you are not going to give up no matter what challenges you face. You are going to succeed one way or the other, and you are bringing others with you on the path to success.

As a parent, I know I wanted to give my children what I didn’t have growing up. The problem with that is I might have made their life too easy, and by doing that enabled them. We need to teach lessons that will equip them for life. Sometimes those lessons will be difficult to teach as parents, but our children will eventually see the value.

Being a warrior doesn’t have anything to do with violence. A good warrior knows how to diffuse a situation before violence arises. A warrior’s weapons include kindness, love, strength, and calm. Let’s all work on being the best warrior we can be.

Many people would say home is the place you live, but for me, home is several different places. It is of course my present home that I have lived in for years. It is home not only because of the building but also because of the family I have known here. There have been so many cherished memories in this place.

Home is also wherever you have that feeling of belonging. There is a comfortable feeling there, and you know you are deeply known and loved.

Wherever family is will feel like home for me. I love listening to them laughing and telling stories.

Although where I live now is my current home, I also say back home when I am talking about where I grew up. I was born in the North, and that is where my early memories are. I remember wandering the woods near our house where there was an abandoned Indian cave. We went to the local pharmacy and drank root beer floats while reading the latest comic books, and I discovered my love for reading at a library that looked like a castle. Home is memories and emotions, both good and bad. It’s having a safe place to fail, grow, and take risks.

Home for me is also in another country. When I started taking French in seventh grade, I instantly fell in love with the language and the culture. I lived there during my junior year of college, became a French teacher, and went back around 22 times. I am comfortable there.

What is home for you? Is it only one place, or can it be many?

I often hear people say they would love to garden but they don’t have space for it. One of the amazing things about plants though is they will grow practically anywhere, and if you can be a little creative you can have herbs, fruits, flowers, and vegetables growing in no time.

Let me start by saying I do not have a green thumb, and I am not a master gardener, but I love to experiment, I can be creative, and I enjoy learning. I have learned so many things from my experiments, even those that failed. At first, my experiments drove my husband a little crazy because he is a rule follower, and I broke a few rules along the way. Now that he sees the success I have had he jumps right in with new ideas. Here are a few ideas for gardening with limited space.

Containers

Check at the thrift store or go to any store and you can buy a variety of pots and containers. Use plant stands or bookshelves to house them. I use our sunroom as my green space. I use containers in the house and in the garden. I ran out of room in my garden, but I still had room for smaller containers.

A living wall

This seems to be the new craze, but I can see why. It is simple to do, low cost, and it’s beautiful. You need some vials, or containers and a backdrop to hang them on. Fill the vials with water and put plant cuttings in them. After the plants grow roots you can transfer them to a pot or leave them.

A hydroponic garden

My husband bought me a hydroponic garden kit for Christmas, and it has fascinated me. It is a small machine that you fill with water and plant food. It has a light, and it comes with seeds and seed pods that you put the seeds in. Most of the seeds were herbs that I have never grown before, so it was another learning experience for me. The plants are easy to transplant, so now I have basil, thyme, oregano, and parsley ready to put in any meal. The garden is very easy to operate, and we found one on sale for $50.

I hope these ideas make you want to give gardening a try. Use those bare spaces around your house and fill them up with plants.

Kenny Chesney has a song that starts with, “Every now and then, I get a little lost. You save me.” The first time I heard this I was feeling lost, which I imagine most people do from time to time for different reasons. It eased my mind to be reminded that others feel that way too sometimes. There are moments that for whatever reason you feel off balance. You need something to pull you back on track whether that is through wisdom and love from someone or the words you see or hear somewhere. What throws your emotion into turmoil, or makes you question yourself? What do you do to find your center again? Here are a few ideas about both.

Feeling overwhelmed.

I can lose my peace of mind when I am doing too much at once. I am not good at saying no, so before I know it I have agreed to do too many things, and I have to figure out how to juggle them with all the other day-to-day responsibilities. It helps me if I do each task according to what has the highest priority and needs to be done first. I call this doing mission critical. Break big tasks into smaller ones and ask for help.

When you can’t make sense of things.

I do my best to keep an open mind and listen to different points of view. There have been so many times in the last few years though where I cannot make sense of people’s thinking, and it often affects my mental health more than it should. I find myself asking, “Has everyone gone crazy?” The best way for me to solve this issue is to watch the news less and take a break from social media. When I see someone acting in a way that goes against my idea of right and wrong I have to realize that everyone is free to choose his path, and it isn’t my business to judge where that path might lead.

When someone disappoints you or does something hurtful.

I am very sensitive, and I’m pretty sure it is something I will never be able to change, so when someone says or does something hurtful it affects me deeply, and I am not able to just let it go. When this happens it often makes me feel lonely and isolated. I have found it helps if I communicate these feelings to someone. My husband and my best friend keeps me grounded in this area. When I tell them what someone did or said they always have a way of putting it in perspective for me.

When I lose a sense of purpose.

I can be harder on myself than anyone else. I always feel I should be more productive, work harder, and do better. It helps if I keep remembering my why. What are the reasons I’m doing what I do?

The next time you feel a little lost realize you are not alone. Find the things or people who keep you grounded, and always communicate your feelings.

Have you ever heard the song Blessings, by Laura Story? The first time I heard it I was going through a rough time, and I was feeling alone and lost. When the song came on I thought it was speaking to me because the words were so perfect. The chorus says, “What if your blessings come through raindrops, what if your healing comes through tears?” It’s difficult to see certain burdens as blessings, but many of our tough times teach us valuable lessons and make us stronger. I have had several tumultuous and toxic friendships that devastated me, but when the pain healed I realized I was walking away stronger, wiser, and a better person.

Sometimes we forget to be grateful for our blessings and we see them as burdens. Yesterday, I was in a bad mood and I was babysitting my 22-month-old grandson who was also in a bad mood. He was showing me the toddler temper which occurs when I say no to him sticking his fingers into electrical outlets or the DVD player. While this was happening, my Border Collie was constantly walking in front of me trying to herd me to the door to go outside to play. I was reaching the point of needing some quiet time when the thought crept into my head of what if neither my grandson nor my dog was in my life? Would I be happy then? The answer is a definite no. They are two of my greatest blessings. I needed to shift my perspective to realize I needed more patience on certain days.

We might imagine that something would be a blessing for us, but in reality what we imagine as blessings might turn out to be burdens. Garth Brooks summed it up in his song that says, “Thank God for unanswered prayers.” We often think we know what is best for us, but we can be mistaken.

Whether you are holding blessings or carrying burdens depends a great deal on your perspective, and your ability to be grateful. If you always see the negative, that’s what you will have, so look for the positive, and pray for the blessings.