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You Never Know

Have you ever been surprised to discover someone else has a very different perception than you, or you discover that someone or something is very different than you thought? Here are a few examples,

When you feel like you are less than, you never know how many people would like to be like you.

When you wish you had done something better, you never know how many people you have inspired.

When you want to give up because you are discouraged, you never know how close you are to your next success.

When you want to slink away from any more interactions, you never know the valuable connections you may be missing.

When you hold someone up as perfect, you never know how many burdens that person is carrying or demons he is fighting.

When you judge someone, you never know when you should have extended grace.

When you tell a coworker she should speak up more in meetings, you never know how well she is listening and absorbing.

When you are hateful, you never know when you could be the fatal blow and when you are kind, you never know when you could save someone.

When you underestimate someone, you never know if that is the person who will save you.

Be the best human you can be because you never know who is watching and how your actions might influence someone.

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My Love Affair With France

I am passionate about France including the language, literature, style of life, art, the people, culture in general, and of course the food. Let me tell you how my relationship with this country started, and how it has evolved into a scandalous love affair.

When I was 12, I decided I needed to make some goals. The goals I chose were to go to the Olympics for field hockey and to learn a foreign language. Unfortunately, I never made it to the Olympics, but I am fluent in French, I can handle myself in Spanish, and I can read Italian.

When I started out with French, I had no idea how learning a language would change my life. It has allowed me to live in France through a study abroad program, travel back with student groups and my family around 25 times, it has provided me the chance to make my children global citizens who understand the importance of travel because it teaches you about other cultures, and different ways of thinking. Through my job as a French teacher, I have also been able to travel to Belgium, Canada, Luxembourg, and Morocco. Because of my travels, I have made connections and friends that are important to me.   

So, what is it about France that I love? I’ll do my best to explain through bullet points.

  • The food. We took a group of women last year to Paris and they immediately commented on how fresh the food was. The food in France is healthier and fresher and it tastes amazing. When we go my favorite thing to order is a charcuterie board.
  • The style of life. The French have different priorities than Americans. We tend to be work oriented while the French take life a little slower enjoying each other and life in general.
  • The literature. Baudelaire, Ronsard, La Fontaine, Stendhal. The list of amazing writing is endless, and it is best read in French.
  •  Exploring the country. I lived in a town called Rouen in Normandy. My host mom used to always say that Paris was not France, and it’s true that you should visit more than Paris to have a feel for France. My favorite spots are Paris, St. Malo, Brittany in general, St. Pierre de Vence, and Aix-en-Provence.
  • The French. There are so many misconceptions about the French. I hear people say the French are cold, rude, snobs…. Every country has jerks, but my experience with the French is they will treat you with great kindness if you do the same to you. Accept that there are some cultural differences then try to explore below the surface of those differences.
  • Paris. I can hear my French mom sighing, but Paris has always held a special spot in my heart. I love that you can walk down a busy street and duck down a side street to peace and quiet. Everywhere you look there is something beautiful happening. Someone is singing, painting, or juggling. You can go for a walk and find something new, or you can go into something impossibly old like Notre Dame and lose your breath.

Every time I go to France, I am excited to see my old friend again as I wonder what new adventure is waiting for me.

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The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of Online Writing

Online writing is more complicated than you might think. There are some great reasons to write online, but it is not for everyone, and you have to decide what writing online can do for you and if the advantages outweigh the challenges. Here is a quick description of the pros and cons of online writing.

The Good

  • Writing online provides you with a chance to interact with other writers and make valuable connections. Y
  • You can learn valuable tips from other writers and discover important resources.
  • Writing online allows you to create a writer’s footprint that will be important if an editor or publisher wants to see your work.
  • Writing online can provide some extra income and it gives you a chance to practice and improve your craft.

The bad

  • Writing online can be difficult.
  • You have to be consistent and work hard at building followers and interacting with your audience.
  • The revenue can be depressing, so you have to work on not being discouraged.
  • Don’t read the articles that tell you that it’s easy to make $5,000 a month.  Articles like that can make you wonder what you are doing wrong, but they often are not completely truthful.
  • You have to sift through some trash to find the treasures, but they are there and well worth the search.
  • Don’t follow all the advice because some of it is awful. Pick what will work for your writing.

The ugly

  • Some writers will do anything to pull you into reading an article. It is true that your title should be creative and catchy but be truthful and deliver on what you are promising in your title. Don’t waste the reader’s time.
  • There seems to be an angry writing trend where writers berate readers or other writers. I find this type of writing angry, hostile and condescending. I don’t unfollow many people, but I have let a few of the hostile ones go.
  • You might have a month where your earnings seem pitiful. You might have a lot of those months. Remember why you write and keep on doing it.  
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A Checklist to Know When to Leave a Relationship

Have you ever been in a relationship where you question whether you should walk away, or continue working on it? Do you question if you are the problem, but you are the one investing in the relationship? Are you hesitant to walk away even though the red flags keep waving? You are not alone in this issue. A relationship is complicated, especially when a relationship starts out strong, but then turns toxic. Here is a checklist of what is not a healthy relationship. If many of these sound like your relationship, it is time to leave.

  • Conversations are always centered on the other person and his needs, actions, plans, and desires. When you start to share about yourself, he talks over you to interject more about himself.
  • He doesn’t listen.
  • You feel like you are always walking on eggshells because this person is volatile and moody. When you know this person is moody, you try to not engage because it is never pleasant.
  • You are always at fault when there is a problem. Your friend/partner is always the victim.
  • You dream about how much easier life would be without him.
  • You are polar opposites, and he does not respect your interests and beliefs.
  •   He sees everything as a burden including you.
  • This relationship leaves you feeling lonely.
  • Your friend/partner believes he is the only one capable of doing anything.
  • Your friend partner makes you feel less than.
  • There is no trust
  • You cannot communicate well
  • You are constantly unhappy.
  • Your friends and family are concerned.
  • Your friend/partner drains your energy.
  • There is evidence of jealousy and control.
  • There is a lack of support. Your attempts are belittled.
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Easy, Sustainable Ways to Lose Weight

There are so many weight loss plans out there, but you need to ask yourself if they are healthy and sustainable. Drastic dieting might take weight off for a while, but chances are it will come back.

What you need to do for lasting weight loss is to make some long term changes. What if I told you those changes are easier than you think? Here are a few things that work for me.

Drink 8 glasses of water daily. I am not a fan of water, but I cannot deny the benefits. Water helps you feel fuller, eliminates toxins, gives you more energy, and improves your skin.

Avoid sweets. I know if you have a sweet tooth you are thinking you cannot do this, but you can. Find something good for you as a substitute. I eat blueberries and strawberries as dessert.

Snack smartly. Instead of chips eat carrots, yogurt,nuts, and protein.

Eat your biggest meal at lunch.

Eat more vegetables, and fish and less meat.

Move! It doesn’t matter how you move, but do something. You can walk, run, bike, take the stairs, and anything else that works for you.

Lift weights. Lifting iron can tone your muscles and help with weight loss. Start with light weights and work up to heavier.

Watch out for hidden calories.

Keep temptation out of your cupboard.

If you do all this consistently, you will see positive results.

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What My Three Children Taught Me

When my daughter was first placed in my arms, I remember thinking, “What if I’m not a good parent?” I read so many parenting books, but just like all the teaching training I had was completely different from an actual classroom, parenting was a learn as you go experience for me.

One thing I know for sure is you should talk to other parents, share struggles, and use advice that works for you. When you listen to other parents you realize you are not alone in this adventure.

My children all survived and thrived despite my many failures that were mixed in with some wonderful triumphs. My children taught me the lessons that the parenting books did not. Here are several of those lessons.

  • Giving your children everything teaches them nothing.
  • Your time is the greatest gift to give to your children.
  • Actions come with consequences.
  • Good behavior should be taught early.
  • Your children want you to be in charge. It will make them feel safer.
  • Don’t focus on your failures, learn from them.
  • Monitor your children, too much freedom can be dangerous.
  • Don’t worry about looking silly when you play with your children.
  • Create traditions and memories.
  • Say I love you often.
  • Let your children find their identity without pushing yours on them.
  • Keep your cool and respond calmly.
  • Teach them kindness.
  • Take them outside.
  • Enforce limited screen time.
  • Be their advocate.
  • Give them a healthy sense of money.
  • Watch your words.
  • Be a model for them.
  • Provide them with wonder.
  • A sense of humor can change everything.

Good luck with your parenting journey. There will be good days and bad, but you will figure it out as you go.  

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What I Think Faith Is

When I started working at a Christian school, I experienced imposter syndrome during my first year. I didn’t think I was a perfect Christian because I didn’t have many scriptures memorized, and I didn’t attend church every Sunday. During my first year, I was so afraid of saying the wrong thing or not being enough spiritually for my students. When it was time to sign contracts, I met with the headmaster and told him he might not want me as a teacher because I didn’t have the Bible memorized. I will always remember him saying that he didn’t want a teacher who could only quote scripture. He needed teachers who put that scripture into practice by teaching students to live a Christ-centered life.

During the next 13 years at the school, I developed my understanding of what faith looks like, and what it does not. I also saw how a definition of a Christian can harm or help a young person. The following is my view of what faith is and what it is not.

Having great faith is living a life where you do your best to live a life full of love and kindness. It doesn’t matter how many Bible verses you can quote if you don’t live out those teachings.

We should allow others to worship instead of keeping rules about the absolutes of worship. Our pastor used to say that Faith was more caught than taught. Forcing the teachings on someone doesn’t work as well as allowing individuals to discover faith and see the joy that can set them free instead of feeling restricted. Each person can worship where and when they want. God can be found everywhere, not only in church.  

Faith should not exclude anyone. If our God is a God of love and forgiveness, then that love and forgiveness is unconditional. Imagine thinking you are unworthy of God’s love or feeling guilty because circumstances keep you away from church.

No one has the right to judge someone else. None of us are perfect. We all struggle and stumble, and the time will come when we need to ask for grace, so why not give it freely to others?

I hope you find a faith that makes you feel wrapped up in God’s love, and it is O.K. if you find it in your own time.

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Retreat-Reflect-Reset-Recharge

Retreat-Reflect-Reset-Recharge

We all need a plan to recover from those days when absolutely nothing went right, and you would like to delete the day and start over. What do you do when life overwhelms you? It might be a time when you feel alone, maybe you have had some heavy losses, failures, or disappointments. We all have times when we are tired in mind and body, and we need time to retreat, reflect, reset, and recharge.

I often need quiet time, but when too many heavy things happen at once, I need to retreat. When I retreat, I use that time to come up with a plan by reflecting on what I need to change, then I figure out how I can make that plan work with a reset. After I stop feeling all the emotions because the initial plan failed, I come back recharged and ready to come back stronger.

An example of this for me happened recently because of my writing. I was writing an average of two articles a day for my blog and online sites, writing a monthly article for free for two local magazines, and trying to write two books at once. My energy was drained, I was frustrated from a lack of revenue, and I felt unfocused. I turned to my husband and said, “This isn’t working.” I decided to change quite a bit. I write online when I feel like it without letting the lack of revenue bother me, I started vending my books at local markets, and I am going to networking meetings. I have made valuable contacts and connections, and I am recharged.

If you feel a need to retreat, you might only need to remove yourself from all the noise and interactions, but if it’s time to change a situation then slow down and reflect on what you need for happiness. Slowing down and reflecting on what is happening around us can provide us needed perspective.

When our energy level is low it affects our productivity and creativity. Do whatever helps you recharge. It might be taking a nap, watching a movie, eating a great meal, laughing with friends, or sitting outside and doing nothing. There are no rules to recharging, but you should never apologize for doing it because it will help you come back stronger.

Allow your feelings to flow. Don’t lock them away but check the source of the feeling. Did someone say something hateful that cut deep? Don’t let those words affect you because that person is struggling with issues. Leave those issues at her feet without picking them up and making them yours.

You have your battle plan for life now, so next time you feel like the hard days are winning, Retreat, Reflect, reset, and recharge.

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Why You Need a Crew

Everyone needs the ride or die friends, even if you only have one. My family was watching the morning news when the question was how many good friends do you need? We all said at once, “One good one!”

When it comes to friends I believe in quality not quantity. We might have lots of Facebook contacts, but not all of them are true friends.

In the running world, when you ask someone to be your crew, you are asking them to support you to find success in a race, usually for a long distance one. They are responsible for finding you food and drink, keeping you focused mentally, and helping you find motivation when you want to quit.

We need a crew who can do the same things in life. When we are having a bad day, a note or a call from our crew can lift our spirits. These are the people who show up when we need it most.

My husband had a mini stroke and when we arrived at the hospital, they rushed him back to the ER because there was a chance the mini stroke was a precursor to a major stroke. I posted a note to my friends asking them for prayers. Several replied saying they were praying but then came the text from my friend Donna. The text said, “I’m outside in the lobby. I’m here to help you with anything you need.” My husband asked me to stay with him, so I couldn’t go out to see her, but I appreciated her showing up so much.

Donna has also been one of my writing cheerleaders. When I started publishing my writing I suffered from imposter syndrome. I was embarrassed to say I was a writer because I wasn’t sure I was good enough. Many people in my inner circle didn’t take my passion for writing seriously, but my friends Donna, Kim, and Hal are always there to support me. Donna and Kim support me with encouraging words, and Hal shows up wherever I am vending my books. These friends helped me arrive at a place where I realized I didn’t need anyone else to believe in me if what I’m doing is my dream and my passion.

I have found a different crew with running. Runners are good people who are encouraging and welcoming. I love being part of the running community. There are a group of strong women runners who support each other and help set goals and meet them together.

Who is your crew?

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What I Know as a Parent

Did you read all the books about parenting when you were expecting? I did, and I thought I was prepared for anything and then the chaos of real life named Jessica happened and I realized I was prepared for nothing. I have apologized to Jessica several times for having to be my first attempt at parenting, and I am thankful she survived.

Since Jessica survived her first three years, we decided to have another. Our son Tyler was born, and we were faced with a medical emergency because he had an AVM, (a bleeding vessel on the brain) He had a brain operation at a week old and is now a thriving 34 year old.

I had a third child at 43. Kaitlyn is a light who also gave us a medical scare at 18 months with an epileptic seizure. She was diagnosed with childhood epilepsy. During our time in the hospital, I discovered from my sister that I had childhood epilepsy as well. I asked the question again, “Why did know one tell me this?” Our family has been quiet about some key medical history facts.

I now have a three-year-old Grandson, and I will tell you that being a grandparent is a whole different type of parenting because I have to respect my child’s wishes, keep advice to myself except when asked for it, and do my best to remember parenting from years ago.   

My parenting until this moment has taught me many lessons I would love to share with you.

  • Filter the advice. When you first give birth there are many emotions including fear, fatigue, and a general sense of feeling overwhelmed. You will find especially in the beginning that everyone wants to give you advice. Some of it will be good, but some will not. When my oldest daughter gave birth, she was worried about breast feeding. A friend said her breast was engorged and if Jess didn’t pump out the extra she would have to go back to the hospital. Thankfully, I remembered that your breasts have perfect memories, (mammeries have memories!) and I told her that her breasts would produce what she had needed the day before.
  • All your children have a unique identity. I have always been amazed how different three children can be even when they were raised in the same house. Embrace the identity that is the heart of each child. Give each child space to be who fits that identity. Especially, do not try to make your child a carbon copy of you. I have a friend who wanted her son to be an athlete. She made him go to football and lacrosse and he would come home crying because his passion was in theater.
  • The failures and triumphs both make great memories. You will struggle to see the failures as positives when they happen, but they can teach you valuable lessons, and you have family stories to tell.
  • There will be tough days but see the blessings not the burdens. Parenting can be tough, but your children will be grown before you know it, so enjoy the moments when they need you and think you are cool.
  • Document all the memories. Take a million pictures, find a box to store all their artwork, and keep a journal documenting the special moments.
  • Comparing yourself to other parents is wasted energy. You will never be perfect and that’s okay. Laugh when you mess up and do something different. Be transparent about struggles because that will help other parents with the same struggles, and they might have some good advice.
  • Your child wants your time. Even more than the newest toy, your child wants you. Show up for games, performances, and spend time together.
  • Be your child’s advocate. My finest moment as a parent was standing up to a teacher who called my daughter a liar. My daughter was going to a special class to improve her reading, and she would come home and tell me the teacher had screamed at them. The first time I said that maybe the teacher had a bad day but screaming was never okay. There were two more days like that and then I had enough when she told me the teacher called her a liar. I called her regular teacher who told me there were some parent complaints. I called some parents who told me some disturbing things, so I called her teacher and asked her to take her out of that class. I had to write a letter to the principal and then we had a meeting with the principal, her regular teacher, the special teacher, my husband and myself. The special teacher tried to bully me into keeping her in the class. (funding) I stayed calm and then unleashed with what I thought of her teaching methods. When we went outside, I asked my husband if I had said the right things. He looked at me with awe and said, “You were wonderful!” lol, 40 years of teaching came in handy.
  • Parenting does not stop at 18. When your child becomes an adult, he will still need you. The parenting will evolve, but you will always be a parent, and around 23, they will realize you are wise.
  • Don’t give your child everything. We want our child to be happy, but there is nothing wrong with making them work for it so they see the worth in it. Giving them everything they want will produce spoiled children.
  • Teach your children that actions have consequences. This is an important life lesson. Teaching them what they do is going to produce consequences. This can be a moment of tough lough, but it will yield huge results.
  •  Be the model for your child. My children have thanked us several times when they have seen parents who made unfortunate choices. You don’t have to be perfect, but do your best to be good humans.
  • Show love even when it is difficult. Your child will not always be perfect. There will be times when you want to unleash the fury. Instead of saying things you might regret, ask questions to understand and teach some lessons.
  • Be vigilant. Check social media, monitor the phone, and know where they are. The world is too crazy with too many dangerous possibilities. Keep them safe!
  • Listen carefully. We are so busy that it is easy to not focus on what they are saying. Anxiety and depression throw up red flags and you should offer help when they show up.

Good luck on this crazy ride called parenting. Reach out to me with questions on my blog at www.jenniferswriting.org .