Posted on

10 Tips and Encouragement for Parents

Parenting is like being thrown into a lake and told to swim before you know the basic swim techniques. You go from hoping you will be a good parent before your child is born to transitioning into survival mode once the baby arrives. There isn’t a 100% reliable guidebook, and the same technique rarely works twice.

Although there are some rough spots, there are just as many magical moments. Savor those moments and laugh about the rest.

No matter where you are in your parenting journey, everyone can benefit from some practical advice and encouragement, so here are ten I would like to offer you.

  • Filter through the advice. Once you announce a baby is coming, the advice will start pouring in from everyone. Some of the advice will be helpful, and some will be crazy. You must filter through the noise to decide which advice is going to help you and your child.
  • Give yourself grace. You don’t have to be perfect to be a great parent. I had so many less than stellar moments as a parent. We were in a restaurant with the whole family when my youngest had a diaper blow out. It was the kind where the poop not only leaks a bit out of the diaper, but it was all over me….everywhere. I remember thinking that there was no good ending to this story, so I grabbed a diaper, lots of wipes and headed out to the car to repair what I could. The best thing to do in a situation like that is to realize you are not the first or the last to experience that and to find the humor.
  • Talk with other parents. Especially in the beginning of parenthood, it helps to share your struggles and joys. It can be encouraging to hear that other parents are facing the same challenges.   
  • Don’t compare yourself to other parents. There is always the parent who looks like they handle parenting with ease. She is immaculately dressed while you have spit up on both shoulders, her hair looks perfect while you cannot remember when you had a shower, and she looks well rested while you would give anything for a nap. Don’t worry about it because she might have challenges you would never want to have. Be the parent that works for you.
  • Love them when they don’t expect it. Two of my three children went through a phase when they would say, “I hate you.” When I would make them do something they didn’t want to do. I always answered, “I love you.”
  • Maintain consequences for actions. You have to be fair and consistent with the consequences for actions even when it’s hard.
  • Know the power of distraction. When your children are younger you can use distraction to avoid a tantrum or keep them from doing an activity you would like to avoid. When they are older, you can distract them when you want to change the subject.
  • Keep your cool. This goes along with don’t engage in drama. There are things your child will do that will make your blood boil, but don’t let your emotions take over. You can teach them how to handle an explosive situation in a productive way. Hand out the consequences for the actions, say how you feel, but express it all as if you are in complete control. Children need to know that someone is in control amid all the chaos of life.
  • Offer choices. Let’s say your child comes to you and says they do not want to go to college, but you would like to see them earn a college degree. Instead of losing your cool, or beginning to list the many reasons why that is not an option try saying this, “Okay, tell me why?” Many students, even those with high grades are afraid of college, and don’t think they will do well. Open up the dialogue to talk about your child’s feelings. You can also do what I did when I said, “Okay, what is your plan then?” That simple question made her think about what her plan would look like without college.

When younger children ask to purchase something, they can be given the choice between two things.

The point of giving them choices is to make them think they are making the decision instead of being told what to do.

  • Use silence. When you want to find out more about a situation, ask a question and then maintain silence. When your child answers you, maintain your silence and see if your child adds anything. Silence is powerful.

I hope some of these ideas will be useful for you. Enjoy every minute with your children.

Version 1.0.0
Posted on

Developing a Writing Process

Know your audience. My daughter-in-law is a successful artist, but her art is targeted at a specific audience. I once suggested she come to sell her art at the local artisan market where I sell my books. She said, “I know who my audience is, and I also know who would not appreciate my art.” If you are writing for a certain audience, gear your writing to them.

 I do not mean you must stick to one niche. I write about a variety of topics, and I want to challenge myself by writing in different forms, but if I am writing a picture book for children 4-8, I am going to write it in a way that is attractive to them.

 Learn how to make it flow. When you are reading your favorite books, pay attention to the flow, the way the words make the scene move. You do not want your writing to be choppy. One way to notice if your writing is moving smoothly is to read it aloud or have someone else read it aloud. Play with different sentence structures and see what works best.

 Offer a new perspective. I love reading writing that makes me see a unique perspective. I want to be able to think about opinions from all sides, and when someone offers me a different window on a thought or event, I enjoy that moment of enlightenment.

 Be transparent. Readers want to be able to relate to someone who is like them. Show your flaws and how you are trying to improve them. Talk to your readers about topics that matter to them or create a world of fiction where they can escape their struggles.

 Stay focused and finish. I can only speak for myself, but I often become distracted while writing. People call, text, walk into my office, and ask for my attention, and I can lose focus because I look out the window and start watching the neighbor’s dog. Most of the time, I lose my focus because I always have several projects going on at the same time.

 Put in the work. You cannot complain about a lack of success if you are not putting time and effort into your craft. Make writing a priority, find a suitable time and place, and sit down and do it.

 Let your writing sit. After you have finished writing, walk away from it before you send it for publication. Often, you will decide to add or delete something when you look at it again.

 Check your facts. Make sure your research is correct before you publish something. Check your facts with more than one resource. You should be a trusted source of information for your readers.

 Take out hatefulness. We all feel bitter and angry at some point, but your pen is powerful. Decide if you want to use it as a weapon to hurt or a way to heal. I know when I write something full of hate, I do not feel good about it afterward.

Craft catchy titles. Your title is your first chance to pull the reader in to read your work. Create titles that make people want to investigate what you want to say.

 Keep it simple. The best messages are the most basic ones. Be honest and real, and just tell your story.

 Ask for feedback. Hearing critiques of your work can be difficult, but the feedback can help you grow. When you can brainstorm with someone by listening to what he thinks of your work, you can collaborate with him to improve your writing. If you have a writing friend, ask him for an honest opinion.

 Do not force your writing. I often hear the advice to write every day. A better idea is to write consistently. If you force yourself to write, what you produce might not be of the same quality as what you can produce when you feel more creative.

 Be authentic. Do not try to be someone you are not. Your readers want to know you are genuine.

 Do not let the thought “What if this stinks” keep you from finishing. When a writer spends time and effort on crafting a book or article, negative thoughts can creep into your brain. You might ask if the quality of your writing is worth your effort, but you will not know until you do it.

 Write the bones down. Many writers have trouble starting because they feel overwhelmed. Instead of worrying about having a perfect product, write down all your thoughts and then start to make sense of them and create the form you want.

 Build trust. Once your readers know who you are and that they can trust you, you will find greater success, When I vend at the local market, people want to talk to me before they buy my books. A man who was considering carrying my books in his store told me he insists on meeting an author first to make sure the author is genuine. You build trust by being truthful, delivering an honest, helpful product, and being transparent.

 Do not worry about pleasing everyone. Taylor Swift had a beautiful reaction to a question about her album. The interviewer asked her how she felt about the negative comments about her album. She responded that she was not the art police and any art was subject to interpretation, and everyone had the right to that interpretation. I heard something similar while vending at the craft market. A young lady named Lindsey makes beautiful jewelry. Several customers asked her if she ever made any silver jewelry. Her response was that she was a gold girl and since gold made her happy, that was what she was going to make. If you are happy with what you have created, you are winning.

 Have a formula for articles. I write on a platform called Medium where I have a chance to interact with other others and learn from them. One author had a great formula for writing good articles. Here it is.

  • Identify a problem.
  • Make the problem felt. (Why is it important to solve it?)
  • How have others tried to fix it?
  • Give your solution.
  • Give a takeaway. What is an action step the reader can do?

 Engage with readers. The more you can interact with readers, the more you will understand what they enjoy about your writing, and they will feel more like a part of your adventure.

 Write a great query. Before you can craft a catchy title and use your first sentence to grab the attention of your readers, you must catch the attention of a publisher with your query.

         Your query should be around a page, and within that page, you need to describe your writing as well as provide any information a publisher might need. Convince the publisher why your work should be accepted. How is it unique? What qualifications do you have?

Here are the guidelines for formatting a query.

  • Use a normal font and typeface, such as Courier and 10- or 12-point type.
  • Include your name, address, phone number, e-mail address, and website.
  • Use one-inch margin.
  • Address a specific editor or agent.

 Remember to say thank you. Thank your customers and thank everyone who has helped you on your journey. That includes the people you ask to do reviews, your cheerleaders, your editors and publishers, local media who help spread the word about your work, and those who share the wisdom you need.

    The three people I thank the most are my friend Kim, my friend Donna, and my publisher Victor. When I first began writing full-time, I did not believe in my ability or my identity as a writer, but Kim did. She taught me to only listen to critique that makes me better. Victor, my publisher, has made my writing adventure possible. He advises me if he does not think a book idea is feasible, and he guides me through new projects. My friend Donna is ready to help me with anything I need, and she encourages me constantly.

Break some rules. You can break a few rules. Do not let the rules constrict your writing. You need to use good grammar, but the way you construct your writing does not always have to fit in a box. One rule that I hear all the time is to write what you know, but if you do not write about other subjects that interest you, how can you grow?

Avoid using I think. It is evident that this is your opinion, so don’t restate the obvious.

Keep track of submissions. Document where and when you sent your writing and how long do you need to wait before expecting a reply. The market listings for a publication will tell you how long is appropriate to wait for a response. Wait a few more weeks after the suggested time then follow up with an e-mail or letter.

Posted on

What Teaching is Really Like

Students Classroom Leakey, Texas, San by U.S. National Archives is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0

Teaching is a profession that requires flexibility and a sense of humor. These two

qualities are necessary because the moment when a teacher thinks his expectations are

clear, his lesson plans well thought out, and his classroom management plan impeccable,

something inevitably happens that turns everything upside down. Flexibility is necessary

when this happens to be able to think on your feet and come up with a plan b and

a solution to whatever the current problem is. A sense of humor is necessary to avoid

any frustration when the best laid plans don’t work out. It helps to be able to laugh when

you are having a problem that was not discussed in any of your teaching classes.

     Teaching is full of these ironies. Here are some examples of the ironies of teaching.

  • Your school has adopted a new textbook which comes with a variety of supplemental activities. Your principal is certain you will be a better teacher now that you have a book with all the bells and whistles. Unfortunately, you have to read three 1,000-page instructional manuals to know how to use any of them.
  • You spend four hours the night before a class preparing a great activity for the internet only to find when you enter the class that the server is down and the internet is not available.
  • You go to a great workshop on ways to use a projector in your classroom. When you return to class the next day, you discover that the school’s only projector has been broken and there are no imminent plans to fix it.
  • You prepare a special speech for parents’ night, and you put it in a folder so that you will not lose it. When it is time for your speech, you open up your folder to find that you are staring at your daughter’s kindergarten report.
  • You have a strict policy about the students turning in work on time, but you cannot seem to finish grading the report that they gave you a month ago.
  • You stay up until two a.m. writing a report on the effect of sleep deprivation on an individual’s work habits.
  • You have only one period for planning, grading, going to the bathroom, yet administrators are amazed that you have not replied to the e-mail that they sent five minutes ago.
  • A copy of your exams is due in the office in an hour, but every copier in the school has broken down at the same time.
  • A parent writes you a four-page e-mail which takes half of your planning period to read and wants to ask you if you have some extra time to meet with her so she can tell you everything that she just told you in the four-page e-mail.
  • You have five preps of full classes, and you also help with extracurricular activities. A colleague with two preps and small classes decides to tell you how overwhelmed she feels with all the work.
  • You are in the middle of exam week; your spouse is on a business trip and two of your children’s schools call and report that your children are ill and need to be picked up immediately. You try to rejoice that at least the third one is o.k. and then the cell phone rings.
  • You plan an amazing, stimulating lesson plan, but when you enter your class, you realize that last night the basketball team didn’t arrive home from a tournament until midnight and a major English paper is due today. Drooling zombies is the best you can hope for as an audience.

Teachers deal with a myriad of situations daily. Some of them are frustrating

and some of them are rewarding. No matter what the situation, it is the teacher who can

pull plan b out of the hat and then laugh at what happened who will be the one who

prospers in the profession.  

Posted on

Teaching Summed Up in Ten Tips

After teaching for forty years, if I had to give a new teacher ten tips to be a great teacher, here is what I would suggest.

  • Know your students. Know their names, their interests, and what motivates them. Ask them questions and show an interest in them. Show them that they matter and that you see them. When you do that, you can convince them they have value and they are special. When a student feels comfortable in your class and has a sense of belonging, teaching becomes easier. Two moments that were special for me were when parents let me know I had made their children feel special. I had a student named Guleus who was one of those multi-talented children, it is a privilege to know. After four years when I met his parents, I raved about him, showed some videos of contest presentations and described how wonderful he was. What parent doesn’t want to know if their child made a difference? Sophie was another student who will always be in my heart and was grossly underestimated in high school. At graduation, her mom introduced me to the family by saying, “This is Sophie’s person.”
  • Meet them where they are. When a new year starts, assess where your students are and gradually move them to where you need them to be. Expecting everyone to be stellar after day one is setting everyone up for stress and failure. It’s a marathon not a sprint.
  • Be a role model for them. If you expect them to do their homework, you have to do yours as well. Correct assessments in a timely manner, communicate well, keep grades updated, and listen to your students.
  • Don’t give up on anyone. School isn’t always the spot where someone is going to flourish. You never know when someone who struggles in your class might be your biggest success.
  • Cultivate relationships in the greater school community. It takes a village to be a good teacher so be kind to your colleagues and the administration. Build relationships with parents and local organizations that can support your teaching. Every Christmas, I hosted a French Christmas dinner for everyone in the French program. I remember the first year when I said to bring your whole family and one girl looked at me with wide eyes and said, “Madame, I have five siblings!” Everyone was welcome, we made it potluck so parents could show their cooking skills, and it created a feeling of family. Find your marigolds, the people who make you smile.
  • Be professional. Show up on time, do your work, be a team player, and be positive.
  • Give your best. It’s not enough to do the minimum expected. The students are counting on you, so do your best.
  • Build boundaries. You need to also take care of yourself, so make sure your students and parents know where those boundaries are.
  • Keep a sense of humor. This probably should have been number one because there will be days when everything goes horribly wrong like the day I was walking across the floor making eye contact with a student who had asked a question. I forgot about the plastic craft box on the floor and I stepped in it while wearing platforms and a dress. My foot slid out from under me and I went down hard. I jumped back up, threw my hands in the air and said, “Whooo! I’m okay!” but the students were horrified. I still laugh about that moment.

Give yourself some grace. A great teacher doesn’t have to be perfect!

Posted on

5 Steps to Overcome Sensitivity Syndrome

Do you suffer from sensitivity syndrome? Here are the symptoms. When you see a picture of friends on social media you wonder what is wrong with you because you were not invited to hang with them. You turn a simple comment that is made about you into a criticism of you. You replay every conversation because you want to make sure you will not cause a conflict. Even though friends and family tell you that you are awesome, you are certain they are only being kind.

Sensitivity Syndrome can wreak havoc with your mental health and yes, I made up the malady, but many of us suffer from these symptoms. So, what can we do to overcome this Syndrome. I have a few ideas.

Limit your social media. Social media can be like kryptonite to a sensitive person. Social media can cause you to compare yourself to friends who paint a perfect picture, you see friends having fun without you, and you wonder why you cannot be better.

Keep in mind that what is being presented to you on social media is not the whole story. There is often some ugly baggage behind the pretty picture. Don’t compare yourself to anyone because everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Embrace your unique qualities.

Reflect and Check. Ask yourself what the reality of the situation is. When a friend group doesn’t treat you well ask yourself if they are quality friends. If other people continually lift you up, why are you the one tearing yourself down?

Stop chasing what hurts you. It seems logical that if something disturbs our peace, we should close that door, but many of us refuse to let go of what hurts us. We keep revisiting what does nothing to make us better. Walk away and don’t look back.

Use affirmations. Repeat short positive descriptions of yourself and keep repeating them until you believe them. Good examples are I am strong, I have value, I am kind, I have grit. Kick any negative thoughts to the curb and focus on the positive.

Accept your positives. I was talking to a former student that I have known for more than twenty years. I told him the last few days had been heavy. He responded, “Madame, you are a legend.” Before I could reply, he said, “No Madame. You have to receive it!” It made me think how many times we refuse to accept a compliment or a positive description of ourselves. Listen to those positives and accept that they might be true.

If you are hypersensitive overcoming that will not happen overnight. Do your best day to day and make gradual progress.

Posted on

How The Ten-minute Solution Changes Everything

Have you noticed that the simplest solutions are usually the best? The ten-minute solution is a prime example, and it can be used in different ways in various situations. Here’s how it works.

Exercise

Is it difficult to stay motivated with your fitness routine? On those days when it is tough getting out the door, tell yourself you are going out for ten minutes. If you still don’t feel motivated after ten minutes you can quit, but usually it only takes getting started to make a difference.

It also helps to start small. Instead of aiming for high weekly mileage, why not say you will do one mile a day and then if you can do more that’s a bonus.

Parenting

The ten-minute solution can be used to help children transition from one activity to another. Let’s say you are at the pool. When you are about to leave tell your children, “We have ten minutes before we go.” When ten minutes have passed announce it is time to go. Most of the time the children will not make a fuss because you prepared them.

Working at home

When you are working at home, give yourself a ten-minute break every hour. The ten-minute break will help you to come back ready to be more productive.

Limit scrolling time to ten minutes so you do not lose yourself when you can be more productive.

Letting something sit

Whether you have just finished an article or a tricky e-mail, let it sit for ten minutes before you push send or publish. After ten minutes, take a fresh look and see if you want to change anything.

Waking up

The way you start your day can set the tone for your whole day. Give yourself ten minutes to wake up. Stretch in bed, take some time to think about the day, and listen to the quiet.

I hope the ten-minute solution will help you. If you would like to see more of my writing check out my blog at www.jenniferswriting.org

Posted on

Realize You Have Special Gifts to Offer

I often hear people say they do not have a special gift or talent. They do not think they offer anything special to those around them, but these people are inevitably the ones who offer the most without even realizing it. Think for a moment and ask yourself what your gift is. In case you are having trouble coming up with an answer, here are some possible gifts that you may be giving without thinking about it.

· Strong faith I know several people who have not had an easy life, but instead of being bitter and asking, “Why me?” they trust completely in God’s plan, and feel that God will provide what they need to make it through any hardship. Faith like that is inspirational because many people will claim a belief in God until something goes wrong. It takes a strong faith to carry on in his name no matter what test is put before you. When people show this faith, they are gifting others with peace and hope. Leave your worries at his feet and do your best.

· Gifts of food Food can lift your spirits and giving food is an act of love. If you know someone who is struggling, bring over a meal, and watch their face light up. Donate and serve at a local food bank.

· Compliments We could all probably find something negative and positive about everyone around us. I choose to look for the positive and I also choose to comment on it. We all need a little ego boost now and then, so hearing that we did a good job, or that someone notices a positive point about us can be encouraging.

· Guidance At some point, everyone needs some advice and a little guidance to get back on track. It’s probably best to wait until someone asks for your advice, but you may have some valuable ideas to help.

· Joy Happy people are like magnets because they are fun to be around. They can see the positive in everything, and the laughter is contagious.

· A strong spirit I love being inspired by the people who refuse to let circumstances keep them down. Whether they are struggling with physical, personal, or financial hardships, they keep getting back up and fighting with everything they have so they can achieve their goals.

· Being present This is one of the greatest gifts and sometimes difficult to give. At my school, the students often want to come in before or between classes to talk. Although there are always a zillion things that need to be done, I will put everything down and focus on them every time because I think it is more important. Our children often want us to be with them, and as mine grow older I find that I do not care what we are doing, I only want to spend time with them.

Of course, there are the gifts that we think of first, like being able to sing like an angel, draw like Michelangelo, or dance like Misty Copeland, but the everyday gifts are as important and as needed as the gifts that make someone a standout. Use your gifts generously and be amazed at the difference you can make.

Posted on

Use The Energy Around You

We all complain about being tired at some point because most of us are running around trying to do a million things throughout the day. We are trying to perform at our best for work, we have to maintain our home, shop for groceries, and care for our family and we are also told to exercise to maintain our health as well as finding time to unwind. Merely thinking about balancing all that can be exhausting but the answer for recharging your batteries is all around you. Let me tell you where your chargers are hiding.

The energizers

Some people have the ability to recharge us. They are the ones who know exactly what to say, they make you laugh and they can find the positive in everything. Spend as much time as you can around these people and you will feel the burdens fall off your shoulders. Even better than hanging around them, become one of them. As a teacher, I can be in a horrible mood but I know once I walk into my classroom, my students will lift my spirits as they tell stories and make me laugh.

Nature

Being outside can bring peace and relieve our stress that sometimes steals our energy. Go outside and listen to the energy around you. There are so many sounds of life around us but we are in such a hurry we do not always notice them. Being outside can be a stress reliever and since stress drains our energy being outside will counteract that.  Go for a stroll and walk to observe, not to burn calories. Look at the different styles of homes, the wide array of beautiful flowers, and notice what everyone is doing.

Music

Music can provide soothing moments and it can also motivate us with a bouncing beat. We can cry along with a sad song or sing at the top of our lungs while we make up the words. Play music to rev up your mood or to calm your soul. Music is a great energizer.

Food

Food is a natural energizer because we need it for fuel but a good meal can lift our spirits too. Food is love and enjoying what we eat is one of the greatest pleasures in life. Cooking is also a great way to relieve stress and reenergize. Something is comforting about being in the kitchen creating something wonderful to share.

Laughter

Laughing will make you feel better every time but even listening to laughter will perk you up. Notice how you react the next time you hear laughter. It is hard not to smile.

Exercise

It does not seem logical to say that expending energy can create more but any form of exercise will get your blood circulating and your heart rate up. Often at school when we are starting to fade during our planning period, we will go out for a quick walk to re-energize for our next class.

Use aromatherapy

Great smells can perk you up. Whether you use a candle that smells great, use essential oil and a diffuser or sprinkle some oil on your palms and breathe it in, smells have been known to lift our moods. Experiment and see what you like the most. I use wild orange in my palm and an oil called breathe in the diffuser. If you have a cold or a headache, peppermint oil is a great choice. I always diffuse breathe in my classroom and my students comment on how good it smells. They call the peppermint oil the magic oil because I have cured quite a few headaches and helped congested noses with a few drops.

Buy plants

There is something about taking care of plants and being surrounded by color that is energizing. Knowing that you are responsible for growing something and helping it flourish gives you a boost. 

Adopt an animal

Animals require and renew our energy. Playing with an animal or watching its behavior can pick up your mood in a minute.

Do something you enjoy

Doing something you like to do will raise your energy level. The anticipation of doing something fun can keep your energy level up all day.

There are a few things that can drain your energy instead of replenishing it and this might be slightly different for everyone. Find what fills you up and do more of it while avoiding those things that steal your energy.

Posted on

A Gut Punch of a Phone Call

I am reeling from a phone call I just received. The counselor at my old school who I also love dearly, called me this afternoon. When I saw her name come across my phone I thought she was going to give me the contact information for a student who needed tutoring, but instead she told me that a colleague in my department had passed away last night.

i felt like someone had punched me in the gut. She was 51, vivacious, always moving, involved in everything, full of life. She died from the flu within only several days. The doctors said her lungs were full of fluid.

I am in complete shock and wondering how her family is coping with her death. Her son is a sophomore in college, and her daughter is a senior in high school. I’m not sure there is ever a good time to lose your mother, but this is too early. She won’t be there for graduations, or weddings, or births. There will be an empty space in their lives.

The lesson I am taking from this is don’t pay attention to the trivial things. Love strong, appreciate every moment you have and live life to the fullest. Hug the people you love and take care of your health to the best of your ability. Don’t stay angry with friends and family and check in on them regularly.

Have you lost someone recently unexpectedly? Do you feel like it can’t be real? I am reading all the tributes to her and looking at the pictures full of memories. Don’t wait to tell someone that he or she made a difference in your life. Let people know they made an impact.